Crystal Clear

like a droplet of everlasting water
floating on an infinitive lake
you are see-through

all of the lies, coming from you
your poor, selfish rumors
so consistent

what have I done to you in life
to make you treat me
like I am not human

for all that you have and will cause
what have I done to deserve
this

like a drop of ego that spreads throughout the soul
making it poisonous and broken
soul of no living things

the evil that was so strong, so terrible
that you would turn
on your best friend

is your heart like glass, fragile,
that is broken by hate
so that it shatters

what was once beautiful and clear
has broken to pieces
because of you

that beauty of a crystal blue lake
is poisoned by pollution
and greed

you would rather live a life alone with lies
then have a true
friend

I want to reach out to you and protect you
for all you've done
I still care

I don't want to see you drown
sinking in the darkness
of evil

or see you harshly slashed
by your own words
and hurt

I want to see you getting better
becoming who you really
are

I want you to be beautiful again
beautiful like a lake that's
crystal clear

Author's Note

I thought of this poem and started writing. I think it's my longest poem on this website but I'm not sure. Anyhow, I hope you like it and enjoy reading it. I would appreciate comments and reviews.
Best regards,
Dell

Reviews

[Salar Majak]

(is your heart like glass, fragile,
that is broken by hate
so that it shatters)
you really hit on my nerve with this, i know every word of what you mean, i've been through this and believe me it sucks.
great write, i love yournew way with rhyming, well done!

[Phillitup]

Thank you

[Andorianskye]

in the begining i had shivers, very powerful and i loved it

[scripted]

nice piece i LOVE it!!!!!

[RavenWells]

This was a good poem that's very emotional. The only thing that I would suggest is that the first stanza "like a droplet of everlasting water, on an infinitive lake, you are see through" didn't make much sense to me. I would suggest changing it to something that would be a little more clear to the reader. I see that people have commented on changing this before. Anyway, nice job :)

[Dinali Sathma]

Filled with emotions clearly described. The thoughts of the writer are good-natured as he continues to wish for his/ her friend's success despite the adversaries. An honest thought as well. Words such as " droplet of everlasting water "( I hope I have quoted the line properly) and drop of ego adds imagery. You could almost imagine a dancing person who undergoes these feelings.
If you wanted to increase the quality of the work ; try replacing the words pollution and best friend ( try something less modern ).
The poem is a nutshell was a great job! and very emotive.

[de_maruf]

nice

[Admiral Kirk]

Wow, this is very emotional... It feels like it has a strong story behind it, and also kind of like the confused or upset emotions centered around this poem have kind of settled... I dunno. :P

[Phillitup]

Is that bad? I need to improve my writing...please tell me!

[Admiral Kirk]

No, it's great. :D

[Admiral Kirk]

I just mean, like, it feels like there are strong emotions behind it, but they're kinda calming down.

[Phillitup]

okay...

[CreativeStroke]

Sad, emotion-filled piece. I thought you did a great job!
"you are see-through" this line is in your first stanza and for some reason I think transparent would sound better here than see-through. That is strictly my opinion though, so please do not feel the need to change it :)

[Phillitup]

I will definitely consider that change...don't worry. I never feel obliged if I don't like the idea...:)

[Falling Leaf.]

Your mood changes quite a bit in this(from kind of scornful and indignant to anguished to hopeful and kind) and it was quite a trip...I fancied it. Very vivid images, nothing seemed to tamper with the rhythm. You're quite talented, Dell. Best of luck to you with your friendship troubles.

Adieu!

[Phillitup]

Thank you kindly...

[Falling Leaf.]

You are very welcome!

[Mark Anthony Games (Hum..]

Great construction despite taking the scenic route, though actually I think that gave it depth to be fair, hang on I will read again....................., yeah. Best poem entered so far in 'Change the World' comp, in my humble opinion.

[Phillitup]

Thank you so much! I'm happy that people like this poem...I wrote it today and liked it so I posted it. I guess I wrote this based on a ton of different people in my life...thanks again!

[quinfinn]

it is a difficult thing to see a friend go through the things you so adequately and eloquently describe. especially when it involves losing that friend to the evils of disconnect and ego. a solid write. very nicely done.