a pick me up of sorts

i was told that possibly, if i say good things about me, i may stop hating myself... it started out pretty negative, but i think it ended on a good note at least

it is not my nature to hate others

no matter how much i may dislike them

or dissaprove

i can not hate another person

 

unfortunately for me

i am not another person

 

growing scorn

a burning, seething hatred

rises from inside

disgust

confusion

discontent

 

why am i... i?

why couldnt i be anyone else?

why am i billy...

 

the shyness

sadness

hopelessness

 

 

im not a good person

really, im not

im nice, caring, loving, respectful

but that doesnt help

it just causes pain

 

and with pain

comes anger

resentment

 

 

i'll be honest

 

i wish

   i wasnt so shy

   people didnt scare me

   someone could actually be even the least bit interested in who i am

       and someday really love me
   i could be happy with myself

 

 

i always tell myself why i shouldnt be happy

and thats not good

i know it isnt

but i do it anyways

i dont know how to be happy

so if i think i might be

i tear myself down

because if im sad

theres no dissapoinment

 

 

 

but i cant keep doing this

i need to change

so

with that

i'll say something good about me

 

alright

i m drawing a blank

its so hard to think of this kind of thing

when you dont normally do it

 

alright, i have one this time

i like the fact

that i, me, billy,

that i care about others

to the extent that i do

 

that sounds kind of...

i dont know... but it didnt sound right

but what i meant is

my friends

they mean the world to me

my family

or whats left of it

they too, mean the world to me

without my family

and without my friends

i would not be here

and i love you all dearly...

and i enjoy knowing, that i am capable of this

capable of love, and caring

capable of thinking of others, and not only myself

 

ive met many people in my lifetime,

not as many as i'll have met by the end

but ive seen people

who have no regard for anyone but themselves

they step on who ever they need to

hurt anyone they can

just to get ahead

and i could never do that

i will never hurt someone else

for something as trivial as personal gain

 

 

who would i be, if i betrayed friends, or hurt my family

just to get a good job, or money, or something else

when i owe them everything

 

never will i do this

 

i take pride in my sense of respect

 

i like that i hold doors open for anyone

i stop for pedestrians

i say excuse me if i burp

i am polite, and that makes me happy

even if i am sad

why should i be rude to others

and there have been times

when i have not been polite

because i was in a bad mood, and my judgement was skewed

and i regret that

everyone deserves some level of respect at the very least

 

 

and i am glad

that i feel others deserve respect

Reviews

[Mackenzie]

"i wish
i wasnt so shy
people didnt scare me
someone could actually be even the least bit interested in who i am
and someday really love me
i could be happy with myself"

Billy, stop wishing, and be who you want to be. The problem I see here, repeated over and over, is that you - Billy, aren't doing anything to change this person you've grown to hate.

You have everything you need inside to change. And from an outsiders perspective, I don't see what you need to improve on. BUT, if you feel there are things about you that can be altered so you are, ultimately, more happy with yourself, then try fixing it, you never know until you try :)

[CharlieO]

I think you were right about this poem-it begins in a really negative place but there is definately some hope at the end. It's hard to know where to start with a review of this piece as there is so much going on-I guess the best place to start would be to say that I feel you have managed to catpure your whole sense of self in one poem-which is impressive, it provides a map of you in a way.
I feel that you have covered so much in this poem- it would be great if you could take some sections and work on them in more detail. You make the poem really personal by speaking to the reader. Congrats on a really great poem, I know that it can be hard to feel good about yourself and those around you can sometimes make it so much harder. You have a real talent keep it up-for me writing is therapy-I guess it is for you to. Also thanks for your review-I hope I haven't bored you with this really long review!

[Mandi D K]

Wow, i really like the emotion you've put in there. I love how the negative are balanced with the positive. totally understand how being nice can hurt people.
I really lieke the way you've set our your story, different and captivating. It had me wanting to know more.
Great job!