Visitation

Visitation

 

 

just supposing

i kissed your name

across the lips of my mind

would your thoughts politely decline,

kiss me back on the forehead of my intent

 

tap the shoulder of my advance

with a brush-off smile

and a slight tear

 

you have buried your feelings 

within cheeks having custody of your heart

 

just supposing

there exists a key

to unlock your acceptance

and i found it

 

would you opt for parole

or retreat further

into the cell you created

for that which beats within you

 

 

but could beat within us.

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/21/18

Reviews

[Lust for Propinquity]

This makes me so sad for reasons that I dont fully understand. Its so good, and true, and gut wrenching, and kind of reminds me of someone I used to love that was a good friend but is now gone from the world.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i am so sorry for your loss Aleha...
it is so tough when we are younger to lose friends...had that happen a few times...never gets easier...
thanks for your words,
j.

[andrew mitchell]

This reads like one is at the crossroads stuck at a traffic light flashing amber and you just want green, to go! Yes just suppose seems a slim chance on this one, an impenetrable fortress!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, andrew...
j.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

“Just supposing”...a great take of poetic proposition ripe with anticipation but also fearful of rejection/misinterpretation- what if?...you present this so effectively as the poet’s internal discourse to decide whether to try to ‘make the first move’
to unlock a potential lover’s metaphoric jail cell of repressed emotion, and if successfully unlocked, create infinite possibility for that which “could beat within us”...Excellent and artful write!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful and kind review, Annette.
j.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Love the last five lines
Very wonderfully written
I like this

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for the kind words, Julie.
j.

[Doodley]

'Just supposing....' Those are the simple words that resonate strongly from this write, Jacob. So innocent and wondering they are in the face of a possible love.

I have bore witness to an imprisoned heart. With many, many visitations. I have discovered that the sentence imposed is often self inflicted and thus, such a tough target for a prison break. It is difficult to break free a heart that doesn't allow itself to be free.

I loved the idea within this one. So, very relatable. Another fine piece of writing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

your words ring so true, Doodley...yes, we have to want to get out of that prison.
j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

may i suggest a crime on your part and a forever of cell sharing!

regards,
al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

good suggestion....thanks, Al.
j.

[Sami Khalil]

A jailed heart requires visitation, an injured heart requires medication and a rejected heart requires acceptance.
Marvelous, sir Jacob.

[Einstein Noodle]

makes me sigh jacob ... especially like this line:
"kiss me back on the forehead of my intent" isn't that just a kick in the teeth ... a condescending kiss on the forehead when love is on the line :( and i like the strong closing..really wraps up the tragedy of it all ... heavy sigh sir
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, my friend.
j.

[barleygirl]

I love the way your writing feels like a playful repartee between the narrator & an imaginary wordless "other" . . . & I also love the "just supposing" refrain which makes it feel more conversational than usual. Who could resist this entreaty? *smile* Fondly, Margie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Margie...
j.

[Karen Redburn]

So much inquiry wandering around in this poem. I guess the only real way to answer is to try. If the lock opens then the captive is set free. If not, can always feel gratitude for the attempt. Love the poem, Jacob. It flows so well and you make it look easy. Cheers!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

enjoy your insights, Karen....thank you for your words,
j.