Rough Draft Forevermore

Rough Draft Forevermore 

 

 

 

drafts, pre-writes

re-writes 

themes

dreams

choices in prosaic terms

confined to a certain form

introductions to conclusions

and all that is in-between

that is what we mean.

 

life relayed to the page

pretending to be sage

 

capturing an autobiography 

in poetry.

 

we realize

we would be more wise

to revise 

 

again and again

and admit we are a work in progress

never a finished poem...

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

11/27/19

Reviews

[Cherrie Palmer]

You know it's funny sometimes when I write it is a neverending revision, and other times I'm satisfied with just putting it on paper.
With the final punctuation I'm on to something new.
I think I live life that way too. At times careful and revised, at other times straight from the hip without looking back. I guess the key is to know when to apply either approach.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

your review makes so much sense...in life...me too...mostly i just go by the seat of my pants..like the way i write...but when it comes to relationships, i am more prone to write very slowly..carefully...the words and the actions do not come easily.
thank you, Cherrie...appreciate your visit...
j.

[Lorry]

So brilliantly captured Jacob, that I'm left wondering if it's safe for you to ever edit this. It might just be that "one" we can never better and makes us put the pen to bed for good.
I wonder sometimes that it would be interesting to have real life collaborations, with those that were part of our life and see how prosaic there words would be about us and what actually happened.
Methinks mine would be similar to the deleted scenes from platoon, in relation to my perspective of events.
At best, i am but fragments of broken lines, from a pamphlet, thinking I'm an encyclopedia 😀
Long may your words remain so incomplete and your paper and ink, well stocked.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your thoughts on this...and yes, real life collaborations...interesting thought..
read morethank you for your thoughts on this...and yes, real life collaborations...interesting thought..
appreciate your visit, Lorry,
j.

[Crowley]

This is how I feel as of late. Shouldn’t post a thing before letting a couple decades go by and see if I know any better. But, my immediate gratification sensor is on the fritz...so, here it goes!!!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

done and move on...that seems to be my regiment.
thank you for sharing, Crowley,
j.

[Dave Brown]

I think this relates to any 'personal' production, not just poetry.
I do a fair amount of art work and I am always looking at potential upgrades.
Much easier to do with poems.
Deep thinking

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i am so glad you could relate this to your artwork, Dave.
thank you for sharing that...
j.

[gram linski]

another great poem diving into the psyche of every writer, as Kerouac once said Life is a great undulating unfinished poem, great stuff

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i never have been able to get all the way through "on the road"
to me, a lot of nothing...however, have you read his book of Blues Poetry...that, to me, is great stuff...
i like him much better as poet rather than novelist.
thanks, gram.
j.

[gram linski]

Mexico city blues, is one of my favourite reads, for me he has always been a poet his novels are secondary but they are filled with some of the most beautiful prose, in Visions of Cody he spends about 50 pages describing a wall, sounds s**t, but...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sometimes great description beats any action...

[h d e rushin]

theory, and perhaps in conventional wisdom, all poems last forever. Maturity means that even the first poems need revision. It is intellectual suicide at best and an excessive compulsion at the very least to stifle endings in the first place....This way there's always something to be in love with...dana

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, dana....damn...why don't i revise...oh well, i never grew up. And probably never will.read morethank you, dana....damn...why don't i revise...oh well, i never grew up. And probably never will.
:))

j.

[Einstein Noodle]

i read somewhere that there is good poetry in inspiration but the genius lay in the revisions. ;) i especially hear your V3 the longer i write and post here at the Cafe' ... we really do leave our lives laid out in pieces .. makes it even more an honor to read people's "stuff" ... a work in progress indeed ... even St. Paul had his thorn in the side.
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful review, E.
j.

[DIVYA]

The need of expression is constant, how we say it, gets evolved over time. Yet, for a poet at heart, it's the process of creating, of expressing, that's vital to joy and not the finished poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i absolutely agree with what you have said here...it is not any accolades we might received for a finished work...what makes poetry special to me is the process of creating...
j.

[richieb]

Jacob,
It takes discipline and knowledge to re-write, eliminate words and phrases to streamline our poetic message. To trim our ego and not stubbornly fall in love with our work. Maturity goes along way.
Comparing how we live our life and writing poetry is spot on. The same positive work ethic is necessary for both. Your poem reveals your wisdom.
Peace and Happy Thanksgiving,
Richie b.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words...Richie...
and Happy Thanksgiving back at ya...
j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and yet i have not much discipline, i'm afraid...
since i mess with them as i am writing them, but then move on to the next and it is rare i have go back to a piece ...if it doesn't happen in the moment...oh well.
you made me think, richie....that perhaps i need to grow up and start rehashing old poems.

j.

[richieb]

Jacob,
I do see my writing in different light after reading poems or stories that i have not seen for a while. Now i put my working pieces away as dough to rise. It allows me to clear the poem from my head .when I go back I feel fresher and new thoughts come alive.
Richie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like that...."as dough to rise" especially pertinent for me because i spent so many years making pizzas...before teaching...i guess i was waiting for my brain to rise...
j.

[Chris Shaw]

I've never written a poem which I consider finished. I tinker with them, often years later. I am what you call a poetic meddler. You my friend are fortunate enough to have a muse who stands for no nonsense. I know you compose what you are given, publish it and move on to the next piece. That takes confidence and discipline. Only today I looked at a computer file with hundreds of cast offs :)) some of them didn't go further than two lines. You are gifted, you don't need to revise and what's more your considerable output is always at a consistently superior standard. You always hit the jackpot, even though you may doubt it yourself. Love this poem, it sums up everything I have ever written. A continual work in progress. Each poem like a tooth extraction :)

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

not sure i don't NEED to revise...just don't...but thank you for your kind words, Chris...and i think as poets we are all in constant revision of self...maybe that bleeds over to our poetry..
j.