Rails

Rails

 

 

 

 

Hemingway's pachyderms 

might have colored the hills

barren,

my elephant in the room

is vague gray

 

scattered sorrow the weight

the sun shielded

memories are pack animals

Napoleon's troops

are my tears

over the landscape

 

I miss seeing you through the glass

as the train leaves the station

and the conductor

checks my heart

for verification

that I did pay for a window seat.

 

 

erin--cilberto

2/16/22 

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I'm reminded of Hannibal and his army of elephants crossing the alps. Sometimes delay and redirection are the best defense against insurmountable odds. I'm named after a general famous for those tactics. Perhaps if we can put off heartache until tomorrow, it may not end in our final defeat. Hope springs eternal if we can believe Pope. I like to think it is so. I enjoyed the read. Brilliant as always, my friend.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Fabian,
j.

[JE Falcon]

Nice visuals, a hint of humor, and very relatable. What's not to like?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, JE,
j.

[Sami Khalil]

A visit to the zoo, safari or perhaps a battle zone. The ride on the train tells me of the journey and the stops we all make. You got to have that ticket to embark.
An excellent one sir. I like the Napoleon's reference too.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Sami,
j.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome sir.

[lightsong]

I don't know how You can do this... bringing words and sentences that we don't know where they will lead us and suddenly boooom! from being a poet, to trapped animals, to locked memories, to heart aching and freedom?! all bonded together like that?! only a brain like yours can do it! an imaginative, poetical and clever mind.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, lightsong,
j.

[John the Baptist]

Usually, the elephant in the room refers to something that is apparent, but which people try to ignore. Since this particular elephant is gray, which may mean faded, I assume what we are talking about is a memory. Such is confirmed in stanza 2, which also mentions Napoleon's troops, which may refer to a past defeat or disappointment. The last stanza is addressed to another, who is evidently no longer in the picture. That this person is from the fading past is evidenced by the speaker's mentioning the conductor's reality test. What once seemed so vibrant has receded so much that it no longer seems real.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very insightful words, John.
You've been there, you understand.

[Mike Keenan]

I like the last stanza but don't think you need the word 'really,' which is redundant; less is always more in poetry

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, I have always agreed with that philosophy....it was more for emphasis, but I will consider the change and appreciate your review, Mike.
j..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I wrestled with it, then deleted it.
thanks,
j.

[keith]

"hills like white elephants", my favorite write from papa
your reference brought back many memories from my decadent college daze where i penned many "out of the box" critiques and comparisons of the obnoxious drunken fool hemingway was.
he spent many days fishing for shark then slaughtering them with a tommy gun
a sad example of mankind ... but a wicked author he was
thanks for the memory reboot

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, such a great write...I used to teach that in my classes...
thank you for your words, complicatedly...
j.

[William Michael Reeves]

I recently watched a documentary about Hemingway. A human being who seemed to be extra human. And your poem felt melancholy. How dare the conductor think you might sit where you don't belong. In your own seat.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your review, Bill,
j.

[Ted Kniffen]

You got me with the title my friend. My Grandad was a railroad section chief for many years and I am old enough to have ridden steam trains, seen railway roundabouts in action and sat down in fancy dining cars for dinner.
August 1907 my hometown of Essex Ontario was obliterated by a train load of nitroglycerin exploding. The explosion blew out windows in Detroit about 20 miles away.

Thanks j. for the nostalgic trip.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I have a best friend from Detroit....he just loves that city. Thank you for sharing the story of your granddad.
j.

[Fran Marie]

a power-packed piece here
defined deeply with emotion
and a certain sadness felt
in the mundane gray of a
hurtful love ;.this agonized
heart has definitely been
paid in full. Well Done

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Fran,
j.