Take a Number

Take a Number

 

 

 

revisions imply

dissatisfaction with status quo

 

a second draft

after the first one didn't work

there were shaking soldiers

swamp rats with holes in their shrinking bellies

 

infested jungles

of poor writing

poems with shrapnel significance

 

the war is over

yet we keep loading the pens

and firing blanks

 

remembering how the old bullets

meant something

sated an appetite

for playing real

 

but meanings might

just be searching

for a new cause

or a third draft

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

4/13/23

Reviews

[Soren]

How full of metaphor Jacob. I often feel wounded by my own blanks, at times contemplating suicide with a bullet that won't fire. Skipped over by the first and second drafts for this war the fear of a third draft is at times overwhelming. A meaningful and briliant write.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, Soren,
j.

[Wondering Mind]

This sent me off on different paths at the same time.. which is very difficult for a wondering mind

A new cause or a third draft? I wonder

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Wondering, but sorry for making it difficult...
All of those paths I am sure fit into what is here.
j.

[Alla Antsis]

Yes, second draft, third draft and so on until the end of humanity..... Very strong imaginary, Jacob!
Damages to the minds (and bodies) continue...Great poetry

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, Alla,
j.

[Vol]

Dang, I hadn't taken you for such a Nihilist... Ha! I'm one too, but cursed with an overdose stupid optimism... I mean it WILL all turn out okay in the end, won't it? Russia won't use any nukes, will they? China won't invade Taiwan, and the Muslims won't cut our heads off, will they? Someday, people will sit quietly and look for truth in poetry again! We WILL become tired of the stqtus quo, instead of meekly innured... won't we?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Oh those questions you pose...we should hope "not" is the answer to them all...but "who knows" seems to be the truth of it.
Thank you, Vol,
j.

[Lisasview]

Love, love, love the use of your fabulous metaphors.
I am delighted to read one of yours...
Clever as all the poems of yours have been...
Lisa

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Lisa,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

Many interpretations on this one; but I'll go with this one: you could be speaking of wars in general...and how horrific they are, end even when wars are over, it's still in the minds of those who fought; they have nightmares of shooting and death, even though WE are not fighting anyone; but we are helping the Ukrainians and we are watching them sliced into pieces...when soldiers come home, in their minds they are still at war even though they are shooting blanks... PTSD is rampant in this country and many of our best have ended their lives because they can't cope in a non war world.....I could go on with other meanings!
Great write , I like how you portrayed this through poetry....metaphors...you're so clever!
Best, B
P.S we could be speaking of gun violence as well, killing people until the are no more bullets!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, they come home...but only in body...or parts of it. Their mental and emotional trauma's never end.
thank you for your kind review, Betty,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome J
Best
B.