Biscayne Blues

Biscayne Blues

 

 

the tired dandelion

wilts and disappears

into the overgrown lawn

 

the house sits quiet

broken shades

TV unplugged

 

an elder man

sleeps in a recliner

clutching his unopened beer

 

the carpet smells of decades

of shadowed stains

a lifetime in the weeds of proximity

 

his life outlived him long ago

now he models for a painting

that will never meet a brush

 

an artist's rendering

idling like the old Chevy

in the garage stall

 

paint me silently

I won't move.

 

 

erin-cilberto

9/2/23

Reviews

[Patricia Wedel]

dearest Jacob... we need to keep moving and throttle out of the Garage. I Now Drive a Pick Up Truck at Eighty-three. I feel Young behind the Wheel. I use my "Flashers" to Confuse the Younger Dare Devils that Weave in and out of Lanes for No Reason. Call me a Hazard... but even an Ambulance has to use Flashers. I have Just Begun. gently, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, You have just begun to live...I hear Karen Carpenter singing in the background.
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

sad tale of aging of us and everything around us; dank smells and rotting teeth; silence and still, perfect for a sketch or paint brush... nice!
Warmly, B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Betty,
j.

[Dave]

A lifetime gathered at his feet as he reclines, for what? His time has passed, and he is reluctant to even open his can of beer. He knows he'll never again drive his Chevy. instead, he reflects on a long-forgotten Rockwell painting he'll never be the subject of.
Take care - Dave

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very kind words, Dave,
j.

[W. Barrett Munn]

Hey, Jacob,

I found it interesting you titled this Biscayne Blues as I have had Blues on my mind lately, how close or far apart music is to poetry. Do you discuss this with your students? I have no point. I just like the give and take of learning.

Winston

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, we do actually discuss this...
thank you, Winston,
j.

[Farjana Shah Chaity]

this poem masterfully conveys a sense of melancholy and the complex emotions associated with aging and solitude.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Chaity,
j.

[Tom]

" the carpet smells of decades of shadowed stains a lifetime in the weeds of proximity" ..

Seems as if both life and love have long since left this old house, its owner, sole occupant much as the surroundings, alive yes, though a mere shell of what once was, could have been, should have been ...

Pensive, poignant penning Jacob, reflective in moving metaphor!!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Seems as usual you are pretty spot on with your insights...thank you, Tom,
j.

[Stella Armour]

Apathy in old age is so sad , the body lingers on but the mind has already taken flight....

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Stella...
off to tennis,
have a good day,
j.

[John the Baptist]

After a certain point, some give up on a deep emotional level, and the results over time are what is depicted in this work. The description of the house matches that of the inner life of the man in the recliner. A lot of really effective images in this one. I doubt the fellow will be around too much longer.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I doubt it as well, John,
thank you for your insight, as always.
j.

[Soren]

I would cite the lines I loved most but then I would have to cite the whole poem. This painting not poem I would say, for it is too scenic and picturesque for a poem, evokes strong images that go deeper than the eye or nose but to the psyche in it's metaphor of aging, life itself and decay. A favorite I will remember.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for this very kind review, Soren,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

A sad reflection on the choices in life and when the less wise path is taken.

a lifetime in the weeds of proximity -
that one line is so telling and I understand fully the consequences that can have.

The man in the recliner - there but for the grace of God go I. Hard hitting poetry J.

Wonderful imagery and lines.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, Chris,
j.