Broken Rain

Broken Rain 

By: Ethan West

I am not like you

A battered bridge for others use

I am not like me

The man who fell down on his knees

A broken heart tied up with thread

Left scars of silence in it's tread

And even now my thought does cease

As tired mind attempts to ease

My sorrows right here ending my pain

Like a rusted rain jacket to fend off the rain

But rust as rust will, will crumble and fall

And drenched in my tears I'll desperately crawl

Away from the blood that broken heart leaks

Away from the pain that broken mind seeks

My pain has a way of being around

To beat me to death as I fall to the ground

The rain and the blood from broken heart patched

Like nothing I've seen, my spirit has crashed

It leaves me like this, away from my health

What was in my heart is now in my self

I lifted my head and she was above

Her face bore the grace of a beautiful dove

She beat me to death on that beautiful plain

My tears and my blood serenading the rain

My tears and my blood will fill me again

My tears and my blood will fill me again

Author's Note

Any feedback is greatly appriciated

Reviews

[Timeless-Chan]

wow i'm awestruck by the pure emotion and expression that this piece holds. the battle that the narrator goes through is just pure sorrow and pain. and the last lines just seem to pull the piece together perfectly. I love the line "My tears and my blood serenading the rain" it's both beautiful and heartbreaking.
Bravo:)

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm thrilled you like it!

[writingcrazy55555]

What an excellent piece of writing! I loved how you used such strong emotion to emphasize your point. I also loved your use of extensive vocabulary! You are an amazing writer and I hope to see some more of your work in the near future! :)

[ewest1220]

Wow I'm thrilled you feel this way about my work! Thank you so much for reading!

[writingcrazy55555]

You're welcome

[Beck Louise]

So much raw emotion, amazing!

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[astronaut]

I like this. Great job and I love your poems :)

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoy my writing thank you so much for reading!

[∠( ᐛ 」..]

Wow, this poem is amazingly outstanding. Your words are so emotional and flowing.
The poem was so sad, but it was a great write.
Thank you for sharing this outstanding poem.
100/100

[ewest1220]

Wow I'm thrilled you enjoyed this piece thank you so much for the review and thanks for reading!

[kublakhan27]

A great piece all-around, but its best attribute I think is how seamlessly the rhymes are worked into it, so much so that I wasn't even aware of their presence until I was about halfway through reading it. XD

[ewest1220]

lol I'm glad the rhyming worked well with it! Thanks for reading!

[kublakhan27]

You're very welcome :)

[forevermore1218]

this is really cool. I like your style in this that you repeat the last couple of stanza's lines for a more dramatic effect. I especially like the line "What was in my heart is now in my self" and the numerous metaphors throughout the poem.

Fantastic Job mate

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm thrilled that you enjoy my work!

[Nath]

Wonderful poem, I particularly liked the last few lines, concluding it on a nice positive note. When we cry and bleed and might have to fear running dry sometime, we can be sure that the reserves will be restored, that our body will find a way of regenerating, and if our bodies can survive extreme loss and heal, well, so can our souls find peace after having suffered, can't they?

[ewest1220]

Very interesting translation! I like it! Thank you so much for reading and I'm thrilled you enjoyed my work!

[Nath]

My pleasure. Thank you for the wonderful poem!

[Priscilla Sayers]

The sadness seeps through your words aiming a dagger at the heart. Such pain endured is not one endured alone. I have felt this time and again, and the road past this is a lighter one my friend.... A well written piece full of passion. Passion exists in despair as well as in anger, in love and in lust. Nicely done!

[ewest1220]

Wow! Thank you so much for the detailed review. I love that you enjoyed my work and thank you so much for reading!

[Priscilla Sayers]

My Pleasure. You are very talented sweetie!

[demureminds]

This is just remarkable. I liked the structure of this poem, very free verse, but the flow was simply wonderful. You rhyme incredibly well without overdoing it, which is quite hard to do in my opinion. I also liked the emotional depth of this poem, very well expressed.

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm really thrilled you enjoyed my work!