A Chapter by Brittt

characters are gonna come in the next chapter.

"maybe there was a reason he walked out of my life." Kylie said to her best friend Haleigh. They were walking down the street to the park. "You didnt deserve someone like him. he treated you like s**t." Haleigh said. "yeah he did and i dont know how i dealt with him for as long as i did." Kylie said. Kylie was gorgous and every single guy fell for her. She was 5'4 and petite. she had long black hair and looked emo but she wasnt. She wasnt into cutting and all that cool s**t. Haleigh was super cute and 5'6 and was Kylie's best friend. She had long blonde hair and a really good boyfriend. They have been dating for about 4 weeks now and Haleigh was in love with him. Kylie was into emo boys. Her ex boyfriend Alex was a model and into really s****y girls. So he dumped kylie because she wouldnt give him what he wanted. "well the good thing is, you can find a guy who wont treat you like s**t." Haleigh said. Suddenly this really hot guy, rode past them on a skateboard. "holy s**t, that guy is f*****g smoking." Kylie said. "thats ryan sheckler.." Haleigh said. "woah." was all Kylie could say. "come on, lets go hang out at the park before you start drooling." Haleigh said grabbing Kylie's arm and puling her along to the park. They went to the park and hung out for a little while then went back home to watch movies. A few hours later kylie's phone went off. it was a text message from her ex. it said "babygurl we need to talk, can we meet at the park?" Haleigh saw the message too. "dude dont you even think about going to meet that f****r." "well im gonna go meet him and see what he wants." Kylie said getting up. 

When Kylie got to the park, she saw alex sitting on the swings. "hey whats up?" Kylie asked standing in front of him. Alex stood up and was pretty close to her. "listen babygurl, i didnt mean to hurt you. i still love you so much." Alex said. "i know you do alex, but its time for us to move on. your just not the one for me and i dont wanna get hurt anymore." Kylie said. Alex didnt know what to say but he stepped closer to her and began to kiss her. As soon as he started, he pulled away. "goodbye Kylie." Alex said and walked away. Kylie sighed and sat down. she wasnt exactly ready to go home and deal with Haleigh. She heard someone sit down next to her a little while later. "you okay?" This guy asked. Kylie looked up and right into Ryan Sheckler's eyes. "kinda." Kylie whispered. "whats going onn?" Ryan asked. Kylie told him everything and he sat there listening and she was trying not to cry. Ryan stood up and held his arms out for her. and Kylie ran into them and he held her tight. "everything will be okay. i promise." Ryan whispered. 

© 2010 Brittt

My Review

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You've got a good introduction, but ad paragraphs like this so it's easier to read:

blahbesdfbewsdfnjwnesdbgfvbhresdbvbresdgbvkrebsfdbgvhed f gjvebrdhfbghjvbrehdfghvbrdfbgvbhrdbfhxbgvhbedrfg


esrfsrdhbxbgfjvebrdxbgfvjefdbgvhjbrdtfgbjvbgfvjhrebdgfbvrhdbgtjbehfdbgvhrejfdg bvrefdgb

It makes it easier to read. Also, the dialogue was confusing, I couldn't tell who was saying what.
Try doing:

"Blah blah," Kylie said.
"Blah blah," Haleigh.

See where I'm going?
Great! Keep going! Can't wait for the next chapter!

Posted 13 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on August 18, 2010
Last Updated on August 18, 2010



Penguin World, blank, Antarctica

Im not gonna tell you everything about me because its pretty much a waste of time and i dont like it. Britt is the name. 15 years young. April 29th is the day. currently taken.. off and on again.. b.. more..

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