Premonition

A dream shows what's to come

Through the groggy haze of night

Red flashing numbers stand frozen

Like a demonic light

This tranquility that’s wrapped my body

Like a glove is so addictive

I could be in love

The rush feels better than any pills

It’s hard to discern

What’s dream and what’s real

 

Falling through the looking glass

I’ve slipped right past Alice

And her frivolous rabbit of the past

They were guarding a gate

But I didn’t mind

I can see what’s coming

It’s all here in my mind

 

I never should have come here

The futures all too clear

If I can’t save you

My heart will disappear

 

I’ve got to warn you…

So I reach for you

Pleading with my soul

           

“There are monsters

lurking in that water

            Whatever you do…

            DON’T GET IN!”

 

That’s the dastardly thing

About premonitions

They’ll let you watch

But try as you may

They won’t let you in

 

Through the groggy haze of night

I wake screaming

Drenched in fright

Author's Note

Thanks for reading, reviews welcome.

Reviews

[Astro]

Here is my critique and I will follow with my review. Firstly, there is a spelling error at the beginning of line 13 where "The" should be "They". Also, I felt because of the on again off again rhyme scheme that the metaphor of tranquility wrapping itself about you would seem more appropriate if the word "glove" was changed to something like "sheet/s". This is only because gloves have a fit, but aren't actually wrapped.
On the review side, I like it, odd format and all. Because of it's subject matter and use of classic imagery to explain something so fringe. Like it's style which lurks and falls and appears strange, so to are premonitions for we rarely, know that we are privy to them when we first encounter them.
"That’s the dastardly thing
About premonitions
They’ll let you watch
But try as you may
They won’t let you in"

[Kristin Lee]

Good eye :) Thanks for the catch, funny that it would be in line 13. Unlucky me. I can see where the glove reference would throw some people. But that was the point. Rhyme or not to rhyme, sense or non-sense. Dreams, premonition or not are so rarely straight forward. I wanted to capture that fluctuating sense of environment and keep readers on their toes.

[Astro]

Cheeky minx, my soles were lifted the whole time.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yeah---we get premonitions but not quite enough information...just enough to get us shaky...

i tend to have that...and most times my premonitions come true...but sometimes not in a good way...just wish i knew.

darkly formed poem here...nice little bit of chills...i like the warning.

jacob

[Cool Handless Luke]

They’ll let you watch
But try as you may
They won’t let you in

I really like that way of phrasing. Nice job of incorporating a possibly reality into a dream. Pretty dark imagery here and it works.

[Sami Khalil]

We are all prone to premonitions and have them from time to time but the thing about them sometimes we control them and sometimes we can't if we can reach them in the right time and warn them. We all have mental attachments to the people we love or care about and it happens in the same instance , the before , during and the after.
A very good subject matter and poem...:)
I preminise that this write will be good...I'm warning you now...:)

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you :) I agree with your statement about premonitions. This particular one ocurred when I was just a kid. Unfortunatly I was too late to do anything about it. 23 yrs later, this is the first time I've written about it.

[Sami Khalil]

Good stuff . You are welcome...:)

[Jack...]

Totally creepy. Is this another for the Chap Book? I may need a copy of that book. You need to start submitting some of this creepy poetry to Dark Moon Books for their Dark Eclipse series. I'm sure they will publish you.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you! And yes it is. I've never heard of Dark Moon Books, I'm going to have to check them out :)

[Jack...]

I am friends with the managing editor for their Dark Eclipse series. If you decide to submit something to them, let me know and I will give her a heads up. Their genre is strictly horror and some of your recent stuff would fit nicely. I have two on here that were published in Dark Eclipse, Hell and Violated.