Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A Chapter by Mskendra Renee
"

Sarah

"

Chapter three 

Doctor Henji closes the door behind him as he turns to follow the nurse.


"we have another Hawkins here , are you one of the new interns?"


" yes I usually work early but I'm working the afternoon shift today" she says calmly.


" oh well i guess that makes since.... however the only new intern here that i knew about was a male." Dr. henji ask following her down the hall.


she continues walking  stopping  at the last door in the hall way. opening the door he goes in before as she walks behind him shutting the door. a big man with a nurse outfit covers the doctors mouth as she takes a needle fro her pocket inserting it in the doctors neck. he makes a gurgling sound as the man slowly lowers him to the floor. after a couple minutes she checks to see if he still has a pulse. another man come into the room with a white blanket and while they wrap up the body, she watches the hall way. they pick up the heavy body as opens the door and then the back door. They place the body into the back of a van letting another doctor through the back door. he puts on Dr. Henji name tag as another doctor leaves from another room with a patient. 


“Hello MS. Blaine I'm sorry but Dr.Henji is doing an emergency procedure on a patient. So I'll will be finishing your procedure."

The doctor says as he enters the room with the same nurse.

“What is that?" she gasp noticing the nurse brought in some machine.


"It’s an anesthetic  it'll put you to sleep. This is standard procedure that way after we're done you'll have less discomfort honey." The nurse says reassuring Rebecca ... But they hadn't told her she'd be asleep and she didn't want to be.


"Ouch" Rebecca shouts as the nurse inserts a needle on her arm breaking her thoughts.


"Oh I'm sorry darling it stings a little bit." The nurse says with a smile. As Rebecca goes numb she suddenly notices something else the nurse brought in. They were three needles and on the inside they were different colors. Turning her eyes back to the doctor she tries to remember the doctor’s name before she falls asleep. 


“ Dr.Henji” she whispers as she falls asleep.

one of the men come into the room while the other watches out for anyone that might come by.


" doctor are you ready to change the world?" she asks 


"Yes nurse Sarah i am" He says smiling.



© 2015 Mskendra Renee


Author's Note

Mskendra Renee
ignore grammar problems lol

My Review

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Featured Review

Dear Mskendra,
Greetings from Julie, over here in Australia. I would consider that this is very graphic and vivid, potentially for a teen market. You may need to tidy up your punctuation (capital letters and apostrophes).
Does the story build to a climax, you can have too much exciting action to soon. Maybe you could work on a climax to your plot, a real cliffhanger. It could be very appealing to people who like that horror/gothic genre. Well done, regards from Julie.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Mskendra Renee

4 Years Ago

Thanks so much Julie, this is just a draft for the beginning of the movie i will later , make a scre.. read more
Mskendra Renee

4 Years Ago

this is a new version with more details :-)



Reviews

Greetings from Julie. Great graphic write, in that genre, full of gore. Gruesome. You set the scene well, very descriptive. I consider you could edit, maybe reduce length of sentences, a few spelling and punctuation errors, nothing major. I have tutored some teens who would love this as a book or film.
Well done! Regards, and keep writing, Julie.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


Mskendra Renee

4 Years Ago

thanks once again ! well I think about the sentences because they are pretty long lol
Mskendra Renee

4 Years Ago

oh and that's really cool I'm actually planning on making this into a movie. I got inspired to do th.. read more
I like it. I think you have a great idea. However, I think it needs to flow more smoothly. Try to describe what's going on in the lab and add more details to give the reader a mental picture.

xoxo

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


Mskendra Renee

4 Years Ago

yes thanks very muvh after a while ill rewrite this .:-)
this sets the scene well and i look forward to how it will read when you have finished your research. i like the detail about humming the tune the to mock the scientist, i can see that happening

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


Mskendra Renee

4 Years Ago

this is a new version with more details :-)
louwilding

4 Years Ago

i like the extra history it really lets us understand more about this boy. there are a few words in .. read more
Mskendra Renee

4 Years Ago

Thanks a lot for reviewing my work :-)
This is basically who the movies starts.. the opening act so to speak!! It si a great start, would capture the audience as a film,
As a story yes it need more dialogue and details with the setting , the room, the cage, the doctor, etc.
But great start!!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


Mskendra Renee

4 Years Ago

ive just posted Extermination beginning part one . It explain more about the doctor and where the li.. read more
Mskendra Renee

4 Years Ago

this is a new version with more details :-)
Dear Mskendra,
Greetings from Julie, over here in Australia. I would consider that this is very graphic and vivid, potentially for a teen market. You may need to tidy up your punctuation (capital letters and apostrophes).
Does the story build to a climax, you can have too much exciting action to soon. Maybe you could work on a climax to your plot, a real cliffhanger. It could be very appealing to people who like that horror/gothic genre. Well done, regards from Julie.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Mskendra Renee

4 Years Ago

Thanks so much Julie, this is just a draft for the beginning of the movie i will later , make a scre.. read more
Mskendra Renee

4 Years Ago

this is a new version with more details :-)

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Added on July 1, 2015
Last Updated on October 10, 2015
Tags: horror, in progress, draft


Author

Mskendra Renee
Mskendra Renee

Gainesville, FL



About
I am fun lol that's pretty much it but i would love everyone's opinion please don't hold back! Constructive criticism is OK in my book don't sugar anything . I want to read all of your opinions and I .. more..

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A Chapter by Mskendra Renee


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A Chapter by Mskendra Renee