Chapter Nineteen

Disquiet

I went on with my life. What else could I do? Training, cargo inspections, and orphanage visits three times a week. Ari had not called me and I assumed he was out in the field. I was not sure when or if he would. I should not have reacted the way I did on New Year’s. Would I be able to tell him that I was no longer angry about what happened?

An extraordinarily large stack of paperwork covered my desk.  I still found no evidence of theft.  The Chief told me to solve the case and then we could talk about resuming my normal duties.  I missed being at headquarters.  Even Brent’s little visits that were sometimes borderline harassment.

A quiet knock resounded from the door and Brent entered. I had not seen him since the meeting. His body was unnaturally stiff and tense. 

"It has been a while. What brings you all the way to the cargo office?" I asked.

"I'll get straight to the point. A lot of rumors have been brought to my attention as of late."

I reclined in my chair. "Rumors about what?"

His brow furrowed over his bloodshot eyes. "Ar... Are you dating one of my subordinates?"

My weight bore down on my chest. "Are you joking? No, I am not dating anyone. In fact, I'm not sure why anyone would think that."

"You were seen talking together on more than one occasion."

Stress filled in his voice. He was working hard to keep his composure. I had never seen him so emotional.

"Why is it so hard to believe that I have friends?"

"You were talking to one of my agents. After what happened, I can't allow your attitude to rub off on anyone."

"So you are ordering me not to talk to him?"

"Just be the cold-hearted b***h you are. It'll make things better for everyone." He grasped the doorknob as if to leave.

Blood rushed to my face. I glared. "Why don't you come out and say what you want to say? You are mad because I will not go out with you. Did you really think I would not overhear that you invited someone else every time I turned you down? Next, you are going to tell me it is all for my own good right? Well, I am tired of always having to watch what I say around you. How about you leave me alone and leave my personal life to me."

His face turned a dark shade of crimson as he flexed his jaw. "Think about the people you care about. It would be a shame for you to cause problems for them too. All I want is your word that you'll stay away from my agents."

Whom was he threatening? Blake and the other kids? Alain? Kira? The faces of all the people I had grown to care about flashed in my mind. I wanted to get up and hit him, but my feet were rooted in place.

"Fine. Don't worry about it anymore." I snatched up a pen from the desk as if to finish my work.

"You realize it did not have to come to this. They want everyone to prosper, and not cause any harm. It's not too late for you, to follow the righteous path."

"And I suppose you are going to tell me what the righteous path is. You're going to give me hope and a future if I agree to go out with you."

His mouth slackened. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I always knew you were more intelligent than you let on."

"Was that supposed to be a compliment? You do not understand anything about me. Did you think after everything that has happened I would just open my arms to you? I am tired of hearing how I should be living my life. I will die without regrets when I stand in front of the Lord. 'Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.' "

He stomped forward and slammed his hands on the desk. My adrenaline spiked. I balled up my hands to stop the trembling.

"You think you hold all the answers, but the world doesn't work the way you think," he said through clenched teeth. A stench of alcohol smacked me like a wet towel. "You think you can just run your mouth without consequences. You're in for a rude awakening."

"We will see, won't we?" I answered softly.

He stormed off without saying another word, leaving the door wide open. 

Once I was sure he was gone, I dropped the pen and placed my head in my hands. What was going on lately? First, I had problems with Ari, and then Brent. Since when did Brent drink during the day? During past few months, life just spiraled out of control.

After about fifteen minutes there was another knock on the door. My heart leaped into my throat.

"Now what?" I demanded and snapped my head up. 

Ben walked in and slid into the chair in front of me. "Thought I was someone else?" 

"Yeah."

"You look like you need a break. You should come out and grab a bite to eat."

I huffed. "No, I'm fine. I need to finish this."

He did not make a move to leave. I shuffled through the papers on the desk and separated them into piles.

"Are you excited about the trip? To Philadelphia, I mean," he said.

"No." I started flipping through the papers, but he did not catch the hint.

"So how are you? I haven't seen you at the training center."

"Well, all you do is hang out at bars. Do you need to ask? The story is all over the city."

"About that meeting? Yeah, of course."

I slapped the pile on the desk and grabbed another. "And?"

"And what?"

"No comments from the peanut gallery?"

He shrugged. "I bet you've been giving yourself a hard enough time. Look, I know you do not like the bar, but you overwork yourself. It is not healthy."

I stared at him. When I first met him, he would chide me about keeping a low profile and not stirring up trouble.

"I'm serious. You should come out with us. You can start getting back into the officers' good graces," he said.

"You are not interested in what's going on with me, not for a long time now."

"I hang out with the soccer team a lot." He rose to his feet. "But I want to help my friend."

"I don't need your help. I cannot believe you are suggesting that I come out to kiss a*s. Are you growing stupid?"

Redness crept across his cheeks. "Go ahead, keep insulting me. If you're not careful, you'll lose what little friends you possess." He fumed out of the room.

I should have gone after him and apologized. Perhaps on a different day, I would have reconsidered his offer. Brent was right about one thing. It was easy for me to be a cold-hearted b***h.

***

I finished the paperwork an hour later. I closed my eyes and leaned back in the chair. 

"If I left, would they all still be OK?" I wondered out loud.

My stomach rumbled as the bells outside tolled 8 o'clock. I had not eaten anything since that morning so I got up to go home. The thought of reheated leftover chicken soup caused my stomach to growl again. As I stepped out into the cold night, I saw the silhouette of a man in the alley across the street. I ignored him. Another figure was stationed across from my apartment building. Undoubtedly SIS agents stationed under Brent's orders. I paid no attention and proceeded inside.

After I ate, I relaxed on the couch with the lights off. A Mozart symphony played through a small music player. It was a souvenir from Yabacon and another type of music not easily found in this territory.

I had already checked the apartment for bugs. PF did not use them, but SIS did. Brent liked to show off the toys at his disposal. I lifted a book from the coffee table but set it right back down again. 

A soft knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. Heart pounding, I picked up a pistol from the table and tiptoed to the door. I looked through the peephole and saw Ari. I let out a sigh of relief but did not make a move to open the door. I contemplated if I should open it. He waited for a few minutes then turned to leave. The sadness in his eyes sent a pang of guilt through me.

No. Do not let him leave like that.

My hands were shaking as I unlocked the door. I opened it partway.

"Hey," I said.

His face brightened. "Hey, yourself. Look I am sorry about happened on New Year's. I was..."

"Want to come in? Or talk in the hallway?" I interrupted.

"Oh. I'll come in."

I pushed the door open the rest of the way.

His gaze fell to my hand. "Who were you expecting?"

"Not sure. Which is why I had this ready." I locked the door.

He stopped in the middle of the room. "Someone is watching the front door of your building."

"And you still came in?"

"Whoever it is, he did not see me and they are not watching the back."

I dropped the pistol back down on the coffee table and plopped down on the couch. He went around and sat at the opposite side.

Ari breathed in deeply. "Lily, I am so sorry about happened on New Year's. I was a jerk. I did not take you seriously and got myself in trouble. And then you helped me out and I..."

"I probably overreacted. I have a tendency to start speaking without thinking."

"No, I'm glad you said those things. You were right. I deserve to hear 'I told you so.' They provoked me into drinking that beer. After the first one, I stopped caring. They brought me drink after drink and then they disappeared. I guess that was when I called you." I nodded. "I didn't want to believe it, but they bring that beer to the field training."

"The drug is highly addictive."

"How do you know for sure? Who would do that?"

"The city leaders with Charles Payne at the root. Fran's mother was his much younger sister, so she used to work for him. At first, the Church wine kept the followers needing to go back for communion every week. Then the Peacekeepers attained more power in the city, so they decided to add it to the bottled water in the mess halls and the beer in the bars. Want something drink?"

He nodded. I hopped up and strolled over to the cupboard.

"Who else knows?"

"I am not sure."

I set two glasses on the counter and opened the refrigerator.

"I came to find you as soon as I arrived in town. But Captain Williams was in your office," he said.

I stopped cold. "You caught what he said to me?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I heard everything."

"You still came here?"

He wrapped his arms around me. My heart raced. I did not realize he walked up behind me. The refrigerator door banged shut when I let go.

"I'm not going to let anyone tell me that I can't see you," he whispered in my ear.

I shut my eyes briefly and rested my hands on his arms. Then I turned around in his arms. He did not loosen up his grip. I peered into his shining eyes. Our noses were almost touching.

"You can build a good life for yourself if you don't associate yourself with me," I said.

"Life is not worth living without you."

Tingling moved up my arms and neck, causing every hair to stand on end. 

"I don't want you to get hurt because of me," I said, my voice broke up slightly.

"Well, we'll ensure that doesn't happen."

He pressed his lips against mine. I moved up to meet his rudimentary kisses. The pent up worries, anger, and frustration melted away. Nothing else existed in that moment except for us. I pulled away but kept my face close to his. His hand moved to my face and he brushed his fingers across my lips.

"What is this music you're listening to?" he asked.

I laughed quietly. "This is Mozart; he lived hundreds of years ago. I first heard this when I was out west. It's what I listen to when I need to think."

"It is amazing, like nothing I have ever listened to."

"Now you're making fun of me."

"No, I'm not." He held my right hand, further closing the gap between us. "Dance with me."

"What?"

"Dance with me. "

We waltzed slowly around the room, careful not to bump into the furniture.

"There's something else I need to tell you," he said.

I stopped as my chest tightened. Now, what?

"I overheard a conversation the other day. A cross-branch security detail is assigned to guard a train from a Philadelphia. They think the train is going to be boarded and robbed."

"Allegedly."

"You and someone named Benjamin Anderson from the Police Force will be in the security detail. Someone questioned it and was told to shut up and not question the Director'."

"I received the orders the other day. You don't need to worry about me."

His voice fell flat.  "That's not fair."

I tried to take a step away, but he grasped my arms. "Not fair?"

"I got a bad feeling about it. You should turn down the orders."

"I can't do that. The last thing I need is to bring undue attention to myself. It is not just about you and me; he threatened everyone I care about. This city is small so they don't need a tail to know who I spend time with."

"What are you going to do?"

I turned my eyes down to the floor. "I do not have an answer."

The clock struck ten o'clock. He rubbed his hand lightly on my cheek, and then put his forehead up against mine.

"I don't want to go. I do not care about curfew tonight."  Again, my nerve endings tingled. "I've slept on your couch once."

I chuckled. "Yes, you did."

"I'm not going to give up now that you are in my life. We can find a way to make it work but I'm going to be gone a lot for field training for the next couple of months."

"Yes, I know. You need to keep your guard up as well. "

"Promise me you'll be careful."

"I can't think of many situations that I can't overcome."

He grabbed my face and his gleaming blue eyes peered into mine. "Promise me."

I sighed. "I promise."

He pulled me in close and I laid my head on his shoulder. I wished I could say that we could leave that night and travel the world together. Leave it all behind. It was not just about the two of us.