A hillbilly's road to Nirvana

My path to shaping an enjoyable senryu is a curious journey indeed. It's not perfect but...hey, it made me laugh.

A hillbilly's Road to Nirvana 

By

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

The road less traveled; too long.

The path frequently taken; much too crowded.

Journey to enlightenment; vastly overrated.

Author's Note

I tried the 5,7,5 but instead exceeded the syllables by quite a bit unfortunately. Senryu is definitely a challenge but one I hope to eventually get better at. Sorry if it may offend anyone. I actually came close to naming it "Hillbilly Elegy" but unfortunately it's already taken. Thank you for reading this attempt at a satirical senryu.

Reviews

[Relic]

Yeah, I guess the best thing to do in life is learn how to cook. lol

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I have actually become pretty good at microwaving that I even surprise myself. Now if I can just get the chihuahua to stay inside of it I'll be alright alright alright. (Just kidding I don't condone doing that unless absolutely necessary) hahaha

[Seth Cason]

I just remembered that I wrote a review for this a day or two ago and before I even signed my name my fingers, moving at light speed, tripped up, and BOOM-- the whole thing was deleted. So I sat there staring at the screen, trying not to cry.

I'm not all that familiar with the technique behind senryus, but that didn't stop me from loving this. Excellent and ingenious delivery. Shorter summary: this is freakin' cool.

Seth

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Seth, for your time and comment. When it comes to haiku and senryu I am still a novice in the art form. Poetry over all is a bit of a weak spot in my writing style. I tend to enjoy short story or novella format of writing which suits my style. But I so have an admiration for Poetry that I constantly attempt to incorporate it into writing when I can. I love the challenge of trying something out of my comfort zone. Even in my mid 50s I continue to learn and try to improve on the art of writing simply for the joy of it. Words have this amazing quality to touch the humanity within a person's soul. As your art did to me when reading your work I strive for the same in my own. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my words. I truly appreciate it.

[Davidgeo]

I'm from the north but spent a lot of time in the south because of my time in the military. All the hillbillies I know would appreciate and find humor in this I think. Especially the ending. Hillbillies are more self depreciating than people often give them credit for.

Well done. Senryu's can be a pain in the a*s.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you for the kind review. Though I have to admit this fails to meet the senryu syllables requirements this attempt was enjoyable none the less. A neighbor of mine was from the Appalachians who often wore overalls, a truckers hat, and chew constantly dripping from his lips. He hated me and other neighborhood kids. Often using the most racist colorful language ever heard. And despite his bigoted proclivities I enjoyed his often unusual dumb wisdoms that at time had profound logic to them. He was a grumpy cuss but ol man Debell didn't hide his feelings and you got to respect that. He was an equal opportunist racist, who even hated his own kind. I miss him sometimes. He was an acquired taste, you know, like mayonnaise on French fries. But to the neighborhood kids he was our bigot. Hahaha. Thank you so much for your comment and taking the time to read this short poem.

[Davidgeo]

I still say well done....

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, David, I really appreciate it.

[Dave Brown]

I always wondered what they were smoking in those corn-cob pipes

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I'm still wondering myself, Dave. Hahaha. Thank you for the laugh and also taking the time to read this submission.

[Dylan Macadham]

So Funny! By myself, I rarely laugh out loud; this did it, Carlos!
Methinks we are two of a kind, a couple of billies, poking fun at the Hill :D
PS: I dig semicolons too; "Senru" I'll have to look up, haha

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Dylan, for reading and also leaving a comment. I appreciate it. I have to admit this was one of the funniest satirical pieces I wrote. It borrowed from old adage spoken from wisdoms often said. With the counter points of truthful reality. And I am more then honored and privileged to be a part of any Billie communities. Their folksy wisdoms are often under appreciated. Thank you again.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the last line is so definitely true...
and for me, that is the road that has been too long, and yet the scenery just flew by.
j.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

You literally took the words out of my mouth, Jacob. I feel the exact same way. In a blink of an eye, life is fleetingly ephemeral. And yet trudginly dilatory. Thank you for reading and commenting I really appreciate it.