Children of War

 

I want to end this pain, I embraced my ancestor’s belief

Believing this room will protect and helps us overcome our grief

I started hearing louder explosions, and when it is over

Stillness breaks my realm and it booms down under

We experienced too much bedlam and it is completely insane

This war will achieve nothing, it will bring more pain

We have no food to eat, the water comes late

We end up begging for bread and a trifling meat

We chill, sleeping with fears in the cold winter nights

We wake up seeing blood wasted in this continuing war

We ask for help as our souls can’t breathe

The plane keeps flying, seems it is chasing our heartbeats

The bags were dropped down from the plane and poisoned the thin air

Our future looks bleak and everyone disappears

Did you hear our cries? Could you stop all these lies?

We need you, free us from the pain of this despise

See our tears, our wounds, and our gloomy future

Rescue us,spare us from this deathly core

We need you, we need your mighty claws, my valiant eagles

Oh hear our cries, in our land of compromise.

 

Author's Note

Looking those children of war who suffered most in Syria, really breaks my heart. I wish this war will over and they can re-create their precious lives in the future.

Reviews

[Riley Bray]

This is very sad, but well written. My only criticism for this piece is that sometimes you put the singular of something where it should be plural, for example you said, "The plane keeps flying, seem it chasing our heartbeat," and it should be, 'The plane keeps flying, seems its chasing our heartbeat.' Alrighty? Overall great poem Marc.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Lol :) thanks Riley, love your honest review.

[Mark]

its should be it's (contraction) :)

[Ravyne Hawke]

Marc, I am completely stunned with this piece. But in a good way. You definitely tugged at my heartstrings. I love your language and metaphors used here. War has never made sense to me. Killing is a senseless act in my eyes.

My only suggestions.. you seem to be going for a two line rhyming scheme here. A few of the stanzas do not rhyme: stanzas 2, 4, 6, 7 and 9. If you want rhyming, you definitely need to work on those, otherwise, make the entire poem free verse.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Lori, glad you like this piece, I make it as free verse because I have difficulty find a words, lol anyway thanks a lot for the review it really helps me finding my error. Happy writing. :)

[Ravyne Hawke]

I am glad that you accept constructive criticism so well. Some people get offended, but it really is to help the poet and not a criticism of his or her skills. You write beautifully and just need to hone in on whether to write rhymed or free verse.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Lol :) I am not a professional writer and I am happy that my work will be corrected. English is not first language that is why sometimes I oversight the tenses. It is ok for me and I am not an egocentric person. :) I welcome always the suggestions and review it helps me a lot in improving my work. Thanks a lot Lori.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

I will not criticize this piece in any way. Who can who has still a heart?

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks :) for the reads.

[Mother Maggie]

Very well written--you've shown that you can feel the earth cry as I do. You've re-enforced the images of those children's faces in my mind and made me hear once again their pleas and cries and feel the cold wind beating on their hunched shoulders.

Well done!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Yea you're right Mag, this is heartbreaking all the time, I hapy to know we are in the same page when it comes to children's suffering in war torn countries.

[Rita L. Sev]

"This war will reach nothing, it will bring more pain"... That is all wars ever seem to do. You express the plight of children in war-torn countries well.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Ms. Rita, my stand is always againts war.

[Jorj Jie]

With this edited and the videos attached, I am drowning with tears =,( .
God bless the children of war... Thanks Marc. You never cease to amaze me.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Jorj I really appreciate your support :), I am thankful you like this piece.

[Jack...]

Marc, this tears at my heart. The unknown casualties of war. Very sad but very nicely done.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. Jack you're words always an inspiration.

[Tate Morgan]

children always pay the price fro mens wars and they are the ones who have the least protection god this breaks my heart.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. Tate could agree more we are in the same page. thanks for the reads.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wars don''t solve anything...they just lead to more wars, more heartbreak ,bloodshed--
devastation...and it seems just as we nearly recover from one...another crops up.

this is sad but full of truth.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. Jacob appreciate your honest review.

[Jorj Jie]

This is Amazing Marc! You did a good job.I can almost visualize the exact scenario.
As I read along, the song "Bayan ng Cotabato" is playing in my head.

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Just a quick suggestion on the grammar...You might wanna try these:

>>Believing this room will protect me,keep me safe and free from grief.

3rd stanza:
>>The Pain we have gone through,is completely insane.

>>We ask for help as our souls (with "s" not soul since u used "we" )

>>The planes keep flying, 'seems like it's chasing our heartbeat.
*I assume it's "planes" coz if it's a war,there has to be more than one plane*

>>The bags were dropped (with "ed" past tense) down from the plane and poisoned ("ed") the thin air
>>Our future looks bleak and everyone disappears.
(with "s" there is a rule about "everyone" it is plural in meaning but these pronouns are singular like "everybody".)
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Over all,hats-off to you! another amazing job.Keep writing and inspiring. Kudos!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Hi Jorj thanks for the reads, I will consider re-writing it :) thanks for your precious honest review.

[TL Boehm]

a thoughtful, heart tugging piece. War is worst on children.....

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks TLB :)