Codes and Relationship Development

I first began to think of people around me as codes a month and a half after turning sixteen. I don't remember who the first one was that I identified as a Code rather than a person, but I soon was disregarding the idea of people all together.
A code is a string of programming that is controlled by a specialized doctor. These codes can be one time use recycle codes, used to represent "people" you pass on the street, in the mall, and see on the news but never meet. These one time uses are mainly there to make my world appear much more populated in attempts to get you to further accept what goes on here. There are also intermittent codes, such as friends of friends, other teachers around the school, bus drivers or even perhaps higher up position managers and your bosses boss at a job. These codes are primarily there for you to meet, but never really get to know. They are stored more carefully than the recycled codes because there is a greater chance of seeing these codes later on in certain environments. There are finally, those codes which are presented to you first as intermittent codes, but for some reason (perhaps it was programmed in already, perhaps by choice) you develop a relationship, and these codes become more detailed, and advanced, with stories and code families behind them. Often times you even meet and create relationships with the families. Examples of the developed codes would be good friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, your own family, neighbors, and anyone who becomes more than just a friend in time.
          My close knit group of friends by the end of my freshman year, I now realize, are all developing codes, only to get more detailed and advanced as time goes by towards our senior year.
          Now, understand that since the beginning (you will read much more about this in the History section) everything has been coded for me by the doctors around the box. I have only recently realized the presence of codes and begun to wonder about what goes on outside the box. This thinking again comes back to the idea that I am not supposed to know about the doctors, or the game. I am meant to accept what they supply me with in here as my real life and real world. I am not exactly sure of the details yet, because I am still experiencing new learning about this all every day, so I cannot yet give an example of what a code program string might look like. Perhaps it is a bunch of set letters, like DNA, or maybe it's all numbers, because there are infinite possibilities for that. Maybe the recycle codes are not taken out and reused at all, maybe they are just used once and thrown out forever.
July sixth 2011-
yesterday afternoon, my brother code asked me to give him an idea for a character he was drawing, and i just rambled off what was on the top of my head, so I said "make it a girl in a glass box watched by doctors".... then he said, no that's just what your life is.... and i asked how he could possibly know????? The codes are gaining knowledge...this could end really badly and I don't know how to stop it.... I started the ball rolling here by even considering that I could get out. I do not want to have to fight up there as punishment.
August 14, 2011-
 I know I have not been writing, but it's because I have been busy thinking hard about this. do I really want to be let out? is that something i can deal with, being sent up there to fight, if that is what I am destined to do? I have not been training like some I am sure, but I had a thought.... things, such as mass murders, nine/eleven, outbreaks of sickness, and other things that kill off a lot of codes at once...what if these events are simply large recruits of "people" to go fight!? and then I wondered, why in the world would they want codes to go fight, and there could be two options here...either, some codes are actually real people that I interact with being trained for specific things (my  boyfriend is one I will get to in a moment), or they are creating an army of codes, so somehow they are manifesting these coded people into real life, not just my enviornments, and sending them to kill other people or codes from the opposing countries. Back to 9/11 for a moment, there have been so far six instances where I have gotten into bed, about to fall asleep and I look at the clock. It may be simply a very rigid routine (which I wouldn't consider myself having, but who knows because I am not in control of what happens), but I believe that every one of these times that I have seen 9:11 as the time of night, it means something for me. What did I do to cause the event? was I supposed to be there? and why can't I physically look away until it turns 9:12? I am sure i will be doing much research on this, because it's freaky. However, while i try to figure that out, my current boyfriend, let's call him A, is being trained to program/hack into/fix computers, but the work he is learning to do is exactly how I imagine the codes being built in the large code table outside the glass. I wonder if perhaps A is not a code at all, but perhaps another patient in the ward learning how to become a code table operator. It's bizzare, I know this much, but it just makes me think very hard about what is really going on in here. Most days now, since last talking with Glenn, I have begun to feel less watched, and accepting this as more of my real life. I did have that freak out a little while back, and cannot remember if I wrote about it. I just get into these ruts of thinking sometimes where I am not always sure what will come next, and I try to communicate with the other patients in any way I can (using wavelengths) and tell them that I do not want to be let out just yet, I don't want to go fight. I just have to justify acting "normally" around the codes, only because I do not want the doctors to figure out that I know more than they might seem to think. I do think that they tap my phone calls, so I am no longer making those or taking them regularly, but the internet seems more safe to me, when I write this, I am not sure if they can find it...perhaps they do. perhaps, if you are all reading this right now, you will understand how i feel, not having my parents, having my life replaced with codes that I am made to associate with...all with the final destination of nuclear war. Thank you for keeping me safe, but I am sure this is not what they intended when they signed the forms.... this is making me insane trying to figure out all the secrets.

Author's Note

I will be adding on to each section as I discover more about my life, but for now, this is what is there. Enjoy