My Eye Beholds a Winsome Song

Editing help from Richard

My eye beholds a winsome song for naught

but I to hear; and tho, nay ears can speak

my words will sail, unfurl, such want and reach

a  rocky, jagged bleed too far aloft.

My only ring  undone was held and fought

a heart sublime to render fallow each.

Her love and fields left empty; long impeached

in future hemlock groves tween strangled thought.

Nay words to thee from pinkest lips upon

frail grassy knoll dare mean to drink my fill.

Your nectar there, as dew, so sweet to tongue

repleat with mercies yielding bliss now gone.

Depart and send up song for ears to thrill

this heart and stop the bleed for love's undone.

Author's Note

The Petrarchan sonnet is divided into two stanzas, the octave (the first eight lines) followed by the answering sestet (the final six lines). The rhyme scheme, abba, abba, cdecde or cdcdcd

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

I just love the way poetry says everything so eloquently. These words are so beautiful-winsome,song, naught, sail, unfurl, aloft, sublime, groves, grassy, knoll, nectar, dew, bliss, sweet and thrill-that I had to remind myself that I was witnessing heartbreak. Excellent, E.

[Einstein Noodle]

;) ....perfect! ...thank you my friend! thank you very very much :))
E.

[KWP]

well, wow! that's a rather impressive bunch of words running and dancing their way right down the screen.

Hard not to get caught up immediately within the first few lines, askance of where is this melody of thought taking me. It bounces, twists and turns right there in front of my face ...

it asks for more and gives more.

this is certainly different for you E - I like it very much - well done X X x

[Einstein Noodle]

yes...very different indeed ;) thanks so much for giving it a read ma'am ..i love to see your smiling face round and about ;) glad you found something to like about it .. peace and joy and happy cooking always!
E.

[J Manuel]

An ethereal world you have created through such poetic mastery with such romantic balance of the abstract and concrete. I commend you for the aesthetic paragon of old English illustrated in such excellent piece.

[Einstein Noodle]

wow! you are too kind sir! nice to meet you and i will stop by your place for sure. glad you enjoyed and took time to review ..its important to know what people think says i! ..see you around eh!?
E.

[J Manuel]

That's a 10-4

[Valentine]

I know nothing about proper sonnets, I just read and see if I get it and enjoy what I am reading. This has that old country sound when read aloud. I like that. Valentine

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Valentine ... sure appreciate your giving it a read .. ;) the sonnet is not my home page either but i get a lot out of attempting them ..i am usually so unruly ;)))
E

[Lydia Shutter]

Wonderfully romantic poem...and the form is exquisite. The old English words are a bit off-putting for me, but I loved the feel of the emotions in this one. Lydi**

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you Lydia ..for taking time to read and review ..much appreciated! i understand what you are saying about the old English words .. in the writing of this i was almost pushed to them to get the iambs correct .. though this is an Italian Sonnet i have also tried English and found the same to be true ... but perhaps that is just me .. forms are not something i consider my forte .. tho i feel a little proud of them when i get them finished ..so happy you feel the romance in this one .. love and peace dear friend! :)
E.

[Lydia Shutter]

I very rarely write forms. It is too restricting for me. I do understand why you used those words!

[Ana Papaya]

I'm so envious of those who write to form, and so beautifully at that. Lovely romantic write.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you Papaya ... coming from you i am thoroughly gratified and encouraged .. so happy you enjoyed reading ...
E.

[Ana Papaya]

You're welcome. :)

[Drowning In Reality]

Ah... if I could write thus... :-) Really lovely.

[Einstein Noodle]

i am certain that you can my friend! i think trying one form or another from time to time adds focus and discipline to a writers mind set ..something that for me is important as free verse is what i first started with and is the bulk of my poems .. i get pretty spaced out there and have a need for at least one foot tethered ;) really glad you read and reviewed this one ... thank you! your comment humbles and flushes my cheeks a little red ..love and joy!
E.

[Drowning In Reality]

Nah... I'm dyslexic. I can read Shakespeare, for example, only when i listen at the same time... unless it's short sonnets. This reminds me of the poems in Byatt's Possession. The style is superb. I've tried and ultimately fail. You did it elegantly.

[Ken Simm.]

I honestly care very little about what form a poem is written in. what I do wish to know is does said poem affect me? If the form helps it do this then all to the good but that is the extent of my interest in form. Now how it compares historically, that is another story. This makes me think of Donne or Kit Marlowe and that also is good.
This is, all that aside a lovely, liliting romantic piece. Just the thing for the season. It does absolutely have an inner melody.

[Einstein Noodle]

you are an experienced hand in this sir and not alone in your thoughts on form ... but having a basis to rebel from lends strength to your experiments with line (which i love) i have not had such a background and from time to time enjoy the challenge of old rigid forms .. for you to "hear" the inner melody and sense of romance in it is fantastic to me! thank you for sharing sir! its always important. love and peace!
E.

[gabrielle]

E, i miss reading classical verses. And i am truly glad to read a piece using the classic form/structure. Simply beautiful.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you gabrielle ..classic doesn't come easy for me but the reward in the attempt is worth the effort ;) i appreciate your reviewing ..peace and joy
E.

[Miss Sharon]

Oh so beautifully composed! I love the fixed-form poetry and you've mastered the Petrarchan sonnet
in this awesome post! ~Sharon

[Einstein Noodle]

very happy you like it. fixed forms are a must for someone like me .. a free verse man by nature .. it helps to put some bricks under my feet on this wonderful path of written expression through poetry .. i highly encourage all to try it as well .. this is the second sonnet attempt of mine and Richard was instrumental in polishing both .. this one actually was easier than the first ... love that you stopped to read Miss Sharon .. so glad you like it
E.

[Richard🖌]

Magical, mysterious, melodious, sensual, and distraught, Gene, you've taken your readers' senses on an iambic journey through wonderment and emotion, with such poetical aplomb one is hard pressed to wonder if it were not Patrarch, himself, who penned this brilliant piece.
I bow with envious gratitude from pleasures derived, and humbleness that my name was mentioned.

I am convinced you can do anything poetically with equal skill … amazing, My Friend! ⁓ Richard 😳

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you Richard for taking time with my attempts. your encouragement and knowledge made this one seem almost easy ;) your very extravagant with your praise .. it is pretty humbling ..thank you very much!
E.

[Richard🖌]

My every word in honest measure, Dear Gene! : )

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you so much! you made my day!

[short story stevens]

I'm sorry for commenting on your thing but I just started this site not even 5 minutes ago and I have been writing short stories and I just posted one please feel free to go take a look at it

[short story stevens]

On another note this was a beautiful piece

[Einstein Noodle]

i am not sure if you are talking to Richard or myself or both ;) but i will be glad to visit and read ..but please read my about me ..so you will know not to expect too much in the way of expertise in critique .. :) thank you for choosing to read this one ..glad you like it!
E.