Prologue

 

No more vivid a dream could have provided the beauty she saw before her. With coffee in hand, sweet and blonde, of course, she couldn’t help but smile. 

The water on the lake was calm, like brilliant hues of magenta and chartreuse reflecting off of a large piece of beveled glass.  Accustomed to being alone, she thought for a long moment on why it took her so long to accept his invitation.  She wasn’t sure what she was doing there, so far away from her comforts, but in light of what had taken place in recent weeks, she hoped she would find comfort there, on the lake.

On the one hand, her past and present had become a lattice of interlocking realities, melding one into the other. On the other hand she sat, for the first time that she could remember, looking forward to sharing something she’d never known.  Thoughts flooded her mind as emotions overwhelmed her senses.   Serenity...was it just a dream?  Could this really be as effortless as it appeared to be?  Is there such a thing as a life void of pretension and complexity?  She had no answers.  For the first time in her life, she found herself on unleveled ground which was not a place she was comfortable in being.

“You’re up early.  Is everything alright?” he asked startling her out of her solitude.  He smiled a warm, welcoming smile, unwilling to give away any indication that he’d been watching her.

“Yes!”  She answered with a start.   “Yes,” she said with softness.  Not wanting to appear as unsure as she truly was, she continued with confidence.  “I can’t believe I’m actually here.”  She was not ready to let him know what softness he brought out in her so she continued on, teasing.

 “HOWEVER,” she sighed, “mustering a decent cup of coffee was quite a challenge.”

“Yanks!”  His eyes were smiling as he mocked his exasperation.

“Pffttt....” she retorted.  “Perhaps all that English tea has clouded your ...” the look on his face stopped her in mid sentence and she barreled out a hearty laugh.

“Minx!” was all he could muster for he, too, was laughing.  Aware that he had just interrupted a heavy moment, he did not want to rush her.  He fought the overwhelming urge to steal her into his arms, and settled for a more subtle move.  

He sat down next to her on the porch swing, cup of Earl Grey in hand, and they sat in silence for a long moment.  With one leg up on the swing, cup of coffee on her knee, her other leg was dangling down with the tips of her toes barely touching the ground.   The birds in the trees were twittering back and forth, as if each were wishing the other a happy morning.   She could not remember the last time she’d had such a tranquil and enjoyable morning.  She relaxed a bit and smiled, wishing again that she’d taken him up on his offer sooner.

On cue, as if he could read her thoughts, he turned and whispered, “this place was made for you.  You know that.”

She looked at him, swallowed in disbelief at the softness in his voice, and smiled again.  Feeling the unbearable tension, she broke eye contact and looked down in shame as a tear, without warning, escaped down her cheek.  Crying in front of him, or anyone, was the last thing she wanted. She didn’t respond to his words for fear that her voice would reveal the immense amount of emotion that had flooded her senses.  Weakness was a luxury she could never afford in the past. Confusion and uncertainty belted their way into her mind and she chided herself for it.   “Why?  Why here...and of all people, in front of him?”  

There were many things she wanted to say.  She had gone over this moment in her mind a thousand times.  She didn’t know where to begin.  How did one say everything she had to say without sounding like a complete lunatic?  She didn’t have an answer to that.  She fought the overwhelming, unconscious instinct to walk away which until now had served her so well.  With determination she swallowed the lump in her throat that seemed to close off her airway and took a deep breath. Unable to reinforce any of her emotional walls, she looked into his eyes as hot, stinging tears rolled down her cheek and fear shook her to the marrow in her bones.

“There is something I have to tell you...”

Author's Note

work in progress. Photo by Ken Simm The following chapters are only skeleton sketches of what each chapter will be. I will go back and fill in the details as I am able to clear my head ... Please take a look, and feel free to leave the most honest of reviews. Thank you!

Reviews

[Rain]

I loved it...I loved it...I loved it. How's that for a review?? :) Seriously. I hate using such a trite word as imagery, but sometimes trite is right. I can tell this is going to be basically a girlie book(no offense) but, the prologue was so good I could see reading it. I really could see you, and the setting. Your "imagery" was excellent. You dangled a baitess hook and I bit. I want to know why her tears...what's the confession ? You have alot to live up too. lol. I'd be very proud of this. Rain..

[Greg Close]

Minor grammatical thing, just to get it out of the way: "Quick to broke eye contact" = tense confusion. S/b "Quick to break eye contact" or "I broke eye contact."

The overall quality of prose and description was great. Very polished. You built a very nice scene, eased into your character, developed this sense of something she does not wish to reveal. Having lived in Europe for a time, I did especially enjoy the fleeting but authentic Coffee vs. Tea reference. ;) Authentic is the key descriptor, here - in a brief exchange you build on your characters quite a bit.

You did wander into the voice/POV of the Englishman briefly - "Aware that he had just interrupted a heavy moment, he did not want to rush her. He fought the overwhelming urge to steal her into his arms, and settled for a more subtle move." The rest of the piece seems predominantly from the female protagonist POV. I am a big fan of multiple POV, so I mean it more as an observation/caution in case it was unintentional more than a specific critique that it exists at all.

And, lastly - it did propel my curiosity and interest, so it succeeds where it needs to most in getting me to Chp 1!

[WoFer]

intirging start. good pull on the reader to goto chapter 1. might want to show for an extra half page here. to round it out.

[R J Askew]

The actual writing moves along very, very smoothly. And I liked the poetic dab up at the top about the magenta/chatreuse on the beveled glass.

[Jet Lag]

i like it. you start off with serenity, and then blow us into drama.

my suggestions:
More joy than concern was written on his face
-- don't say written. maybe showed, danced...

this: "GAWD" just takes me out of the peaceful scene. it reminds me of a honking duck.
this: "singing melodic twitters" is redundant.
this is trite: "drowning in disbelief" (find something other than drowning.)
this is also trite: "locking his eyes with hers"

you have a good scene going here, so don't fall into the trap of using someone else's tired old phrases to tell your story. find the suzi words. you do it with your poetry; let it sing and sling here.

[Arthur Henn]

What a start, This grabbed me from the beginning. I'm one of the lucky ones. I don't have to wait for Chapter 1 or two. Already looking forward to chapter three though. I'm really tired right now but I'm wanting to continue to read. The flow is really good.

I admire you, you have such a talent. Keep writing.

Art

[Ken Simm.]

Simply, simply, lost for words.
I will restrict myself to how well this is written. How well it comes together and how much texture there is to the story already. She has gone through a lot to get to this moment.

[Legion]

Well, you caught my attention. Now bring on the rest.

[Dezaraye]

ooh! I'm hooked from the get go. I like your descriptions and the way you build this beautiful moment! I can't wait to read more.

[Roger Ferguson II]

its a very, very, very good start! i can't wait for more! ^^ wander what she's gonna say...

[Rambling Prose]

I really enjoyed reading the introduction to your work in progress - absolutely love the the way you magically paint words across a blank canvas. Each line drew me in even further than the one preceding it. My mind's eye readily embraced the progressive flow as it remained smooth and steady throughout. I could very well go on and on, but I don't think I would ever do it justice. I shall read and read as it shall be conveniently shelved in my library. Thank you for sharing your talent!

On that note: Please hurry with chapter one if you haven't penned it already!