so it seems

You never see this apathy

You never hear my cries and screams

This is plain to me

You are blind it seems

Author's Note

sorry, i know its short, please give me some pointers on how to improve it

Reviews

[Abhilash Hegde]

short yet powerful expression.
IMO, it's just perfect !
Good one! Liked it :)

[A.j. Dru]

You may find this surprising, but I have to disagree with some of the comments and say that the capitalization has to go. Apathy is the subject here, and the apathetic mind doesn't bother with capitalization and grammar. I think that leaving it raw and unedited reinforces the subject matter. I really like this one. Apathy is always an interesting subject to me. Great work!

[marie]

alright:) maybe i'll do a combination of both to add to the feel of it, what do you think?

[A.j. Dru]

It's yours, do what makes you happy with it. You can't please everybody, but you can please yourself. That's all that really matters.

[marie]

i will, but it is also nice to know others like it as well:)

[Sir Joseph]

Its like a punch in the face! the emotion is immense and so open. great job!

[marie]

Thank you:) I'm so glad you liked it:)

[KurKota]

If you really feel a need to expand it.... maybe something about what makes you feel apathic to begin with.... just a thought. Good job, even if brief

[marie]

i'm keeping it like this, thanks for the review:)

[KurKota]

Understand......and I think that is good.

[marie]

i'm glad:)

[StayAnchored]

It is short but short can be good(which this is)! Great job as always

[marie]

thank you:) i'm glad you liked it:)

[Ethale Captor]

Short, to the point, and packed with intent and emotion. Excellent job.

[marie]

thanks!!:) i'm glad you liked it:)

[Ethale Captor]

No problem.

[marie]

:)

[CreativeStroke]

I believe the shortness of this piece suits it well. Making it longer wouldn't really add anything more to it. I would capatilize the beginning of each of your lines though. That is my suggestion for this one.

[marie]

thanks:) i will:)

[Ashley G.]

*Repetition* Capitalization...I would be great if it was longer but this is good. Maybe you could talk not only of how people are blind to the things around them but deaf and ignorant?

[marie]

i kind of wanted this one short... but thanks for the advice:)

[Ashley G.]

If you want it short that's okay; it is your poem. I'm trying to get past one word reviews...

[marie]

oooh ok:) well that will help you in your actual writings it will make you think, and it will also help with your pointage on here:)

[Ashley G.]

Yay =3

[marie]

yep:) (oh lookey there its one word XD)

[RachelReaper]

I like it the way it is! It's short, but it doesn't need to be long because of the amount of emotion you packed into it. The only thing I would do is edit "me" to "my" in the one line.

[marie]

yeah, i need to do that.. thank you for the review:)

[RachelReaper]

:)

[Ohhhwillow]

What so you mean by "this is plain to me", I agree that it should be lengthened, maybe here you could explain yourself better, don't be afraid to open right up and let free your imagination with you thoughts and feelings - you may be onto something here!

[marie]

I would rather not show the reader through the piece, so that you may be able to come into your own meaning for this piece thank you for the review, i will take your advice into account

[Ohhhwillow]

Ambiguity can be detrimental as much as it can enticing to the quality of writing, while it can aid the atmosphere you wish to perceive and provoke thought, it can also be a cause of complete misinterpretation. I respect that you wish for every reader to connect with your piece how they please, however with such a short piece, this is difficult unless the point in s
Ightly more clear. However this is just my opinion, and nevertheless I think this has real potential

[marie]

thank you, and if you truly wish to know i ask you message me personally, don't really want this out there for everyone to see, being that it may hinder their own interpretation, i open this offer to anyone else who is curious as well