Chapter One: All Things Will End

Chapter One: All Things Will End

She looks a little sick, “I think he’s dead.”

“It doesn’t matter; everyone knows he didn’t want to live anymore” the other woman says.

The first girl mumbles, “But I cared for him.”

“You didn’t even know him for long. And I don’t think it matters anymore” the second girl says smiling and then starts to walk away with blood on her chest.

"Wait", the first girl says. But the other girl just walks away without eye contact or even stopping to hear her.

The first girl is left sitting there, confused and sad. A few minutes later, she looks down and sees the gun in her hand. She grabs the third bullet from her pocket and loads it in the gun. A few miles away the second girl hears a shot. At that moment a smirk comes across her face. She is relieved.

Reviews

[A.E. Surdam]

Wow, I enjoyed reading this, it makes you wonderful what happens next.

[Balls:)]

wow. derek. captured my attention in the first chapter. :) already brilliant :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Interesting and fair, barely plausible though, the reactions of each other does not need to be wrote always, a fair read, well done.

[halflives]

Catches my attention, I agree. I'm interested to see what happens next, or what happens in this scene. Who are these people? And what do they do in this book? Or do they have anything to do with the storyline whatsoever?

This is an interesting start. It does get my attention. I would suggest adding a bit more detail. fill in the picture more. Little things like stating that the second girl was 'a few miles away' blur the image. How did she get so far so fast, or what is the time frame? Basically while I think the premise is quite interesting, the overall piece needs more substance. Good start.

[Ashley]

this is most definitely an attention getting first chapter

[0_o Abbie]

What the heck!? What kind of story is this??? Derek, you have issues. Serious issues. This doesn't count as a beginning! This is like... an ending! grrr.