A Rose, Skull & Cross Bones

In the pits of despair

There is always light

After midnight

There will always come light

 

All bad is revolved

All good is seen

A mixture in-between

We all can do wrong

 

No one is perfect

Not everyone is pure

We are born with no sin

But that is obscured

 

We can see through darkness

But we see it in our own past

No matter how right

Not everything lasts

 

In a place where we are balanced

At times we can change

All it takes is a moment

And nothing will be the same

 

On moment you’re a rose

Nothing wrong and only pure

Your thorns protecting you

Protecting you from all that is unknown

 

Though your guard can’t last forever

Your petals will always wilt

You’ll find your pureness dying

And find yourself in guilt

 

We may not be perfect

In a world that left us alone

Though at this moment

You are not just a skull and crossed bones

@All rights reserved by Ashley.M.E.

Reviews

[Crowley]

Fixes first....

4th Stanza, "out own past" to "our own past"
Second to last stanza, peddles should be pettles

This was really lovely sentiment, rooted in the way that wlife really works sometimes. Its our attitude and percepptions about the context that we live in that allow is to make moere with less. Good job.

[Daydreamer54]

i like this a lot! it's meaningful and it's trueful that nobody's perfect and something bad will eventyually ocure, but we can make it through! it's also a nice encouraging poem! great job on this!

[Y.]

I like it. It has a in your-face sort of thing. It really sets the reader thinking.
When you say: "all bad is revolved" due you mean 'resolved'?

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this poem a lot. You made your point. It is hard to maintain balance when the world seem to be going crazy. I understand the feel of your words. I like the words "You are not just a skull and crossed bones." A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[abhas]

some great lines... and emotions... comparisons with the rose... and the last line were really great... a flurry of optimism through darkness rather... i liked it...

[Rory CJ Frankson]

********************************************************************* Good Work ******************
I like how it cycles through the life of the rose to be protected by thorns, that in the end. The rose will wilt and it is a nice theme, your middle stanzas do build toward that descriptive. The cover of even the between was cool. There is a however. I feel, the connectedness is rather vague.

Like to need another placed stanza with a strong ties point that reaches for your ending. And although alone and bones rhyme. This where the last line is rather segregated in in its meaning. Over all it is a good poem, I rearranged the meaning some in the last line and feel it makes a different context. Not that you change to this only see how it read differently.

We may not in deeds be perfect
In worlds leaving us alone
Through to that moment
Waiting to be skulls, crossed bones

This kind of raises the element of time, alienation, moral choices between that moment when the rose, turns to dust. As I think that's what your saying there? Our end and passing from life to death Elements thought to in addition to cycles turn, also for poems some accompanying words. Took out, shorten the drift and relatively kept the same meaning. The knife, the paring done to bone essentials.

Your choice, if you love it and think it fits what you wanted to covey. I think if you stared at it awhile, and think of the context some. That extra key stanza would come to you and you'd shift this around some and it would be a great poem. In my opinion Ashley, it needs a stringer definition, to arrive at the point you where after. I may be wrong yet a thing to think about. I kind ff rate this as 2/3 the way there. Though do praise you for this effort.
It shows insight.

***************************************************** Dig for the centre point ***************
Romon in Review 19/06/10. 3:47am Quesnel BC Canada. Right On / Wright On! Ro...

[nyi]

the message in this poem is really powerful..but i'll be honest here..it didn't really grab me to read this after the first four lines..you could have described it with more..images..and also..the title is pretty weird...this line is pretty nice 'We can see through darkness but we see it in our past'..tat's really nice...i want to add that don't worry much about grammar or the mistakes..my feeling is that many ppl know how to fix the grammar..but only few know how to write in a way that it would grab the writers...i'm just being honest with you..hope this help..keep writing!

[Bridget Mcmaken]

Awesome poem! this is just great, I love it. Keep up the great work.

[Alice_In_WhateverLand]

this is so true, good write.