CA the angel, Part 3

It had been six years since Baib Tacaha had joined the orphanage and it didn’t take her long to find that she was different. All the children taught her as such and everyone knew the story of her birth. In truth she was raised like any other child, showing no signs of evil.

 

She looked like any other child, her hair actually turned into a lighter brown then it was when she was born, It hung an inch over her shoulders. She had it long, but her hair grows so fast that it gets to hard to manage and she usually finds herself having her head attacked with knives no matter how long she tried to keep her hair from being cut.

 

There was only one thing that scared the people who seen her, her eyes. They were said, but almost lifeless. You could hardly tell her pupils from the dark gray ring that covered them. Her wide eyes made her look evil if you stared into them, but the child always looked at the ground giving off a sad era of loneliness, which was more then was.

 

The child would never hurt a fly, or so it seemed, but yet she was always in trouble. She sat there on the stone floor of the large hall, her long shirt, which was made into a dress tied in a knot at the bottom to keep it from getting wet from the water. She had almost cleaned the whole floor, it was hard.

 

She could hear a group of children coming, as usually she wasn’t happy when she heard the children coming. Most of them where older then her. Only a few children were younger, only two her same age, both boys.

 

It was learned that the children hated Baib, just like most of the adults. She was never showed kindness and this itself could have made many people want to kill or harm anyone, or act out. Still at this age she never attacked a person.

 

Not many people believe that Baib was a good person, I myself can’t say. I’m just the story teller of this tail and that is for you to decide as many people what she had done killed many lives, but maybe in the end it saved the whole village and maybe life as we knew it.

 

So here is the tail, of how I believe Baib really was, and this is only what I have heard and read.

 

We well started when she was six, as I said before. She would be cleaning, a punishment for a simple thing, maybe tripping someone acting out. Mrs. Hiple demanded the floor cleaned by the time the cooks, which were children finished dinner. Baib usually cooked the dinner, the only chore she enjoyed. The children said they could hear her humming as she spent hours in the kitchen. Her food was good, but they wouldn’t eat it, so afraid that she would poison them.

 

Only moments before dinner was done, here came most of the children, they were told to take their seats in the lunch room, which was actually a fairly nice room back then. She could hear the children coming and even said it almost made her want to curse. She never said she hated the other children. She never said she was afraid or said for them, she only told the few people who came that she wished they would leave her alone.

 

One of the boys came to dinner with a bucket. She said that she looked up when she heard them laugh as they through the dirt down the clean hall and then through the bucket back at her. As they walked away with little care to see her face she heard them say the words she had been hearing all her life. “there you go monster.”

 

It made her said, she wasn’t given a reason why she was called a monster. She had asked Mrs. Hiple once, and the woman simple looked at her and told her to go away, you’re the monster, look at yourself for the definition. Of course, Baib was just four when she asked and now two years later she still didn’t have that answer.

 

Mrs. Hiple came out only to see Baib standing looking down at the hall way, her eyes filling with tears at the dirty hall way. The children’s feet smashed down the mud and dirty, they kicked it around. The woman never asked any of the other children who watched as the fat woman waddled over and grabbed scrawny Baib up by her large dirty dress. “Clean it up, clean everything,” The woman spit on Baib’s face. Many children said Baib always looked so scared, though none of them would own up to making any of the messes that Baib was framed for and it was no where near the first time.

 

Baib spent most of her time being called names, cleaning and being bullied. She was a child who seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. There was one time where she was said to have saved a child’s life.

 

She was working in a garden, which she had grown herself. In fact the garden is still there today. Filled with strawberries, tomatoes and may others fruits and vegetables. The garden in which was kept hidden from Mrs. Hiple, who kept all the real food for herself and even all the children.

 

Somewhere near her garden a few of the older boys, ranging from ten to about fourteen where hanging around. Mixed into the group was a boy not much older then Baib, but he was much taller and wider built. He was a quiet person who was actually pretty liked by everyone. Baib hardly talked, but she stood up and her voice was quiet. When this boy talked it was a cool, almost unfamiliar maybe foreign sound to his voice, though he had been there since he was a baby like many of the others. Abrade Babsat was the name of the child, the name the woman who gave My. Hiple him called him. Though like Baib’s name the boys name was completely new and unheard of though no one thought much of it.

 

Baib could hear someone scream. She ran as fast as she could, to see the boys pushing the fairly large six year old onto the ground. One of the boys held a piece of glass to Abrade’s neck. Baib, who they hadn’t seen coming actually pushed the boy off of Abrade. Abrade never talked to Baib, and he only knew her for the things she was known for, evil. He knew most of the time it was the children playing pranks in fact this exact group of boys was usually the cause, or so that’s what some believe. She only pushed the large twelve year old off Abrade. After that she just stood there. This large group of boys beat her and cutting her. Though that was just a thought of what happened. Abrade ran to get help, when Mrs. Hiple got there Baib was just laying against a tree, cut with glass and badly beaten, yet the boys were never punished.

 

That isn’t what she is known for, she is known for a lot of things, but the best one was something I don’t believe she done. It was a late night, Baib was the only one with her own room, since no one would ever share a room with the child believed to be the devil. It was hard to think, but Baib swear she heard something late in the night. She got up and headed out of her room. It was almost to dark to see, but she managed to follow the sounds.

 

She could hear whispering, the word, please said over and over. She put her ear up against the door as she heard a loud thud on the hard floor in the room. She didn’t know what to do. She knocked on the door like any person would. All the noises seemed to stop.

 

She opened the door in time to see a figure break through the glass and run out the window. Though only Baib herself could prove this, since no one else was there. Even though the child pleaded no one believed her. In any case, as I got off track. Baib walked to the window, her feet getting cut by glass. She put her hand on the window ceil, where they found her blood, so she didn’t help herself.

 

She went to walk back out of the room when she stepped in something wet. Bending down she said she felt around the ground. She felt the sharp end of a knife, but didn’t’ stop. It didn’t take her long before to felt hair. Believing it was a person she went to shack them, though as her eyes got better at seeing in almost peer darkness she could see perfectly.

 

She didn’t scream, she stayed oddly quiet as she reached out and picked up a human head. She turned it around to find herself staring at one of the boys in which had attacked her no that many days ago. Another reasons she was easily blamed.

 

“Bro,” You could just hear her soft voice mutter as she started to cry. In an odd since she wrapped her arms around the head and held it. This wasn’t exactly odd, Baib never seen death and she had no clue what it was. She knew that something was badly wrong and that he wasn’t alright. Maybe Baib hated the kid, but then why would she hold the boys head like she cared. Maybe people believed she was enjoying it, but that was far from the truth.

 

Still Mrs. Hiple and all the children cam running into the room. What they seen was Baib with the dead boy. Mrs. Hiple knew right away it was Baib. She knew she was in more trouble then she ever been in. She without thinking stood and dropped the boy’s head. She backed up tell she was against the wall and Mrs. Hiple walked toward her. She grabbed Baib’s arm and pulled her roughly as she screamed in her voice louder then anyone had ever heard her scream.

 

“You are dead, you f*****g b*****d of that b***h witch. You are dead to everyone.” These words made all the children sound. Now this part no one can understand. Baib broke out of Mrs. Hiple’s grip and ran to the other side of the room. She screamed, cried. “Ud nebvara ubdarasatabnada. Ub abma id ablabyasa af baladma. Ud reblaya tahibnaka id kiblada tahisa. Bobed id abma. Ibnodcebnata id abma. Ibnodcebnata. Id abma. Id abma.,” Baib seemed to shock herself. She never heard the unknown witch language, but it was definitely it. With that, they wouldn’t let her live.

 

She was only six years old, the youngest person to ever die in the town. You probably are wandering, if she died how did she save the life. She actually saved all the lives of everyone in that orphange and maybe the whole town, by saving them by the real monster.

 

She kept scream. “He is going to kill them.” Baib never said who he was, but she knew that someone was going to kill all the people who actually hated her. The day before she was sent to death she some how got out, how she was set free was unknown. Her cell door was found open and she wasn’t there. Everyone searched forever and what they found was scary.

 

Baib was found in the burning orphanage. Most of the children said she warned them to leave, and with that they all quickly left not wanted to be near her. They found her inside, a lot of dead bodies of the children who didn’t make it. She was a live, covered in blood. The very person she blamed, Abrade Babsat. Who died days after Baib was hung.

Reviews

[K. D. Kromminga]

A little more action, still not enough dialogue, internal or external. Plus you should probably get rid the first person narrator interruption near the beginning of the story as it totally destroys whatever closeness you are able to create for the reader with the character, unless the viewpoint is first person, then you should expand it to the rest of the chapter instead of just including it in one minor blurb. Problem is the rest of your story thus far has been third person, which may be confusing to your readers. If you want it to be third person we need to identify with one of the characters, the most obvious choice being Baib. Its really your choice, but you should chose early which viewpoint, first person or third person, you want to use and stick with it.

[r]

Whoa. That's, like, like... O_O AWESOME! I love it!

[nono]

i'm not going to lie....i didn't read it all but what i did read was very good

[Mauricio Montoya]

nice work great job.

[Leanne Conway]

Nice

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

You did a great job of building you character. This read like a comic. The visuals were strong.

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful chapter. You made Baib a stronger character with the description of she was raised and grew up. A excellent chapter. The ending open the door for the next chapter.
Coyote

[chaotic katie]

love it great job

[Wolfwind Words]

Woh! Now that was a twist of events I didn't see coming! Yet, that twist has me hooked! I want to know whats going to happen now!

The scene with the boys head was brilliantly presented. I felt sorry for her and how everyone reacted to it.