Chapter 6

Chapter 6

A Chapter by Anthony
"

May add more to this chapter, but this is what i have so far, and I may just leave it.

"
    The Werewolves began closing in as they took defensive stances. A couple of the darker colored wolves moved in front of their group, and their fur bristled as the adrenaline set in. The wolves lunged at them knocking the boy down, as Rachelle fought off the other. The Werewolf on top of the boy hardly moved, not attacking as it should have been. A pool of blood slowly formed around the body, and muffled breathes could hardly be heard. The remaining wolves closed more distance, almost stopping on top of the fight. One of the darker Werewolves pulled the downed wolf off of the boy, only to see that the boy had impaled the wolf. The hilt of the Katana protruded from the wolf's corpse.

Rachelle fought viciously to gain ground to get near the boy. The wolf was putting up a fight, not allowing her to land more than glancing blows. She watched as on of the remaining wolves removed it's dead pack-mate from on top of the boy, revealing the fragile and winded human. She lunged at the wolf she was fighting, knocking it off balance, and punched it in the throat. She then jumped in between the boy and the remaining wolves. As she did so, a smaller wolf came running blindly into the fight.

The smaller wolf appeared to be running for it's life, and it ran full-force into one of the lighter-colored Werewolves, knocking it down. The smaller wolf then tumbled to a stop next to Rachelle. Rachelle looked down at the wolf and looked down the tunnel. She blinked. There were lights coming towards them. She quickly assessed the situation, looking from the small wolf, to the boy, to the Werewolves, and back to the lights.

Rachelle ordered the boy back behind her, and lightly tossed the dazed wolf back behind her as well. Damn mutt. Oh well, at least it provided a distraction. But what or who was chasing it? The lights became brighter, and the Werewolves picked up the scent, and growled, majority of them turning towards the new threat.

Yelling and Grunting are coming from the direction of the lights, getting louder.
“Where'd that damn mutt go! Woulda fetched a good price!” Growled a deep, annoyed, and angry human voice.
“Dunno, went down this tunnel,” Hearing the commotion from the fight. “Sounds like the mutt ran into somethin'.”
A group of rough-looking men holding torches came to the edge of the fight.
“Hmpf! Lookie here, we have some more profits to nab!” A ragged-man with a deep voice said, brandishing a net and club.

The rest of the group brandished various clubbing weapons, some with what appeared to be guns, others with nets. They set themselves in a gaggle and proceeded toward the Werewolves, approaching unhindered by the large appearance of the wolves, or the growls and glares emanating from them. Or even of the apparent battle scene.

“Git 'em boys.” The ragged-man with a deep voice commanded, as the group ran towards the Werewolves swinging their weapons and throwing their nets.


© 2011 Anthony


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It's really good so far. I was going to comment on the dialogue but I'm not sure if I'm right so I'll keep my mouth shut so I don't sound like a fool. Some of your wording and how you present an image could use a little work. For example, 'A couple of the darker colored wolves moved in front of their group, and their fur bristled as the adrenaline set in.' could be reworded to say 'A couple of the darker wolves moved to the front of their group, a ripple of adrenaline snaked under their skin and made their fur stand on end.' Or something like that, just off the top of my head. Character development couldn't hurt, even if it's a minor character. For those you could put less description but how you word it can make their short lived apperance powerful. I like it though...your story is coming along good :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is really good, i enjoyed reading it (:

Posted 7 Years Ago


doing good so far. c:
can't wait for the next chapter.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago


I love it. Now we need chapter 7 and it will be even better. yea and Ariel loves Kelsey!!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago


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This si quite an interesting story. The plot line easily captivates my attention. Though I do find some of the descrptions choppy and confusing. Those are minor problems that can easily be improved with practice.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago


It's really good so far. I was going to comment on the dialogue but I'm not sure if I'm right so I'll keep my mouth shut so I don't sound like a fool. Some of your wording and how you present an image could use a little work. For example, 'A couple of the darker colored wolves moved in front of their group, and their fur bristled as the adrenaline set in.' could be reworded to say 'A couple of the darker wolves moved to the front of their group, a ripple of adrenaline snaked under their skin and made their fur stand on end.' Or something like that, just off the top of my head. Character development couldn't hurt, even if it's a minor character. For those you could put less description but how you word it can make their short lived apperance powerful. I like it though...your story is coming along good :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 19, 2010
Last Updated on June 5, 2011
Tags: Sedohr, Vampires, fantasy, fiction, Fallen, Mortality, supernatural
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Author

Anthony
Anthony

Council Bluffs, IA



About
I'm not normal in any case (Feel free to ask away). I enjoy reading to get a release into someone else's world. I enjoy writing to share my world. My Story "Fallen Mortality" Was started a couple year.. more..

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