Can I See?

Me dreams of the future haunt Mya's mind

It was like I expected. I had a beautiful dream of hell last night. Thanks to Alex.

So this is basically how it went: I was in Hawaii with him and his family. We were cliff diving. Alex would hold my hand every time I went off. And somehow we ended up on the beach at sunset like an old romance film. He proposed to me. I said yes. Then the fantasy future played in a slide show form of pictures and music.

It scared the living hell out of me. But not as bad as when I got a text from Megan.

(Hey, I needa talk to you)

Crap. Alex probably told her out of guilt and now she’s going to b***h at me for kissing her man.

(Ok. Wat’s up)

(I talked to my x last nite)

(O cool)

(I think ima get back together with him)

(Really?)

(Ya. I mean, I miss & love him so much & I just feel like I’m meant to be with him)

(I know the feeling…)

(Well, you still like Alex?)

(Of course, but I don’t want him to know. He’ll think I’m obsessive or stalker. That’s even worse than now)

(Well, just from what you were telling me, it sounded like you did (& no offense) but I didn’t wanna be like you. Living in fear of showing how much I care. And now I’m getting my x back.)

(So you never liked Alex)

(Tbh, I liked him as a rebound)

Wow! So I was helping him fall for a girl who needed a rebound. Perfect.

(O)

(I didn’t want to lead him on this long; it’s just hearing what you said about him made me wanna try that with my x . . . and I kinda put in the good word for you)

(Why for me? I was putting the good word in for him)

(Well, again the way you said everything made me notice how much you really care about him and appreciated him, & the fact that you’re taking full blame for the break up is impressive)

(I could never tell him any of that tho)

(Maybe I could)

(But, I don’t want him to think-) I started to type when I got another message.

(I could just say it sounds like you still really like him but won’t admit to it. If he asks how I’ll say just by the adoring things she says about you, & maybe bring up everything you’re doing for him, & maybe the reasons why you’d never tell him. I’ll even make sure he knows you didn’t put me up to this)

(Thnx but why are you helping me)

(Cuz in a way you helped me)

Truth be told, I did. I was nervous about how Alex would take it. What if he still thinks I’m a stalker? This was scaring me more than anything else I’ve ever experienced before.

(And listen, I know how he feels about getting back together, so maybe I’ll throw my 2 cents in there about that)

It’s making me feel alittle better knowing she’d say that too.

Throughout the rest of the day I got images in my head of our future together. I knew that was extremely obsessive and stalker so I tried my best to shake it off, but they kept coming back. I tried doing other stuff to keep my mind off of him period, but he kept coming back like barely treatable cancer. I didn’t want to think about him, but he became my thoughts on everything. Nothing made it stop.

I finally gave up on the day and went to bed. I prayed I wouldn’t dream about him at all. Thankfully I didn’t. I slept so hard, I didn’t dream of anything. I woke up with a completely blank mind. Thank you God.