Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Art]

nice work...your poem touches upon the reality of so many who have fallen in love and then failed to love, a sad view of some lives...

[Relic]

Thank you Art.

[Jocelyn_wonders]

All I can say is that I really like this poem. Your images are superb.
Jocelyn wonders.

[Relic]

Thanks Jocelyn.

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Wow, just wow. Very powerful and expressive. Your way of describing such emotion is amazing. This is an amazing piece.

[Relic]

Thank you Whitney.

[Nick.B]

Very emotional, heart breaking piece...after reading this poem it made me speechless....love your expression, great work

[Relic]

I appreciate your thoughts Nick, thank you.

[Carolann Dowsett]

Wow this brought tears to my eyes and a lot of deep emotion. To have a man write such as this, with such insight and depth. Beautifully written and expressed.

[Relic]

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts Carolann.

[Carolann Dowsett]

Welcome.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

Too real and really true!
The unknown deliberate sacrifice of one who has seen it all!

[Relic]

Thank you very much.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

yes

[Yasmin]

Honest and amazing
Well done

[Relic]

Thank you Yasmin.

[Yasmin]

you are welcomed :)

[Clayton Bardwell]

There are times when I come here to this site to visit a while and leave with the feeling of doom and gloom, but not this time. This poem, this work of yours reminds me how ambivalent we can become to one another, how time and repetition can dull our senses. Not just with a loved one but with each other, regardless of the relationship.

By pointing out the wrong that we do to each other reminds me that we should stop a while and smell the roses. Offer a hand, or a smile, or a gentile complimentary remark. It is the little things, after all, that make a difference.

[Relic]

I couldn't agree more Clayton. My time here on the site will not be as frequent as it used to be by choice. But I try to come back once in a while to say hello or to give a review now and then.

Thanks for reading.

[Clayton Bardwell]

Confusion to the enemy! Until we meet again.

[quinfinn]

a lesson most seasoned lovers learn far too late, no matter how seasoned. you have captured it well, with immaculate images and beautiful wordplay.

[Relic]

Thank you very much.

[Quill~]

Absolutely beautiful! You are a true poet.

[Relic]

Thank you Quill.

[Quill~]

:)