The very next train

~To grandad~

For day by day,

we watched his presence fade away.

Not in his glass jar of

nickles,

nor in his shoes,

could we find him again.

His memories he did forget 

to take away with him.

In his cufflinks and his

coat vests, 

they lingered  like half-ready suitcases,

half-stuffed,

like shark jaws, they

devoured my soul and sucked

my joy

like a deluminator.

Everyday, they sat gaping at each passing

passers-by.

With bug-large eyes,

like an alligator in the marsh,

they pounced

from shady corners

and cobwebbed around my heart.

Author's Note

For all those who aren't potter fans--
The deluminator, also known as the Put-Outer, is a device used by Albus Dumbledore (the first known owner and designer of the one  known to exist) to remove light sources from the immediate surroundings, as well as bestow them. It looks like a standard silver cigarette lighter.

It seemed appropriate, somehow.

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I greatly enjoyed this. The overall write was touching and sad. The only part that gave me pause in the construction was "His memories he did forget
to take away with him."
Why not, He left memories; behind and forgotten. It's the "he did forget" that I struggle with. And I offer this not as a criticism but merely an observation and my feelings in the reading. Bless.

[Moonie]

Thank you so much for this review! I appreciate it greatly. Umm, to me saying "his memories he did forget", sounds actually like the one who is saying this forgot the beginning of the sentence and added it afterwards, reversing the classical structure of how the phrases should go...like i have tried to achieve the same sense throughout the poem...the last stanza sounds like a train of thought- one image leading to the next one...all interconnected. I know that this poem is not quite my best, but it all makes sense to me for some reason...
Once again, thank you for observing the little detail, and for the very good review! Belated happy new year to you, friend!

[Robert]

I enjoyed reading the words you used in this piece as it made it an interesting and mysterious read.

[Moonie]

Thank you, Robert sir! Your words are much appreciated! :))

[Emily]

I love the first stanza!
Keep it up!!

[Moonie]

Thanks, Emily! I am glad you liked it!! :))

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing use of description. I like the way you described the objects. Made each one seem important and needed. I enjoyed the poem a lot. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Moonie]

Thank you, Coyote..i have been away for so long...sorry I could not reply earlier...
I am really glad that you enjoyed it! :))

[Coyote Poetry]

I was glad to see your poem and you are welcome..

[Jennie Baron]

The deluminator makes a great metaphor for the emptiness we feel when we think of those who have left us behind. And I love the way you articulate how they always seem to be with us even in the items they leave behind. We can't forget; all we can hope to do is reach a point where we can delight in remembering the happier times. Excellent writing.

[Moonie]

What you said was absolutely beautiful, ma'am! I'm glad the meaning got through. Thank you for the stunning review. I muchly appreciate it, ma'am!! :)))

[Bright Ocean Star]

Fairest Moon daughter, you've captured my heart again. This one is poignantly sad, but riddled with beautiful memory stones that you could store and keep forever. You've honored your grandad with a most beautiful tribute ever conceived. I especially love the subtle little 'Harry Potter' references. Very nice touch.

[Moonie]

Bright ocean star, what can I say...you always leave me smiling ear-to-ear!! :))))
Thank you so much!! :)) it means a lot yo me.

[Alfred Kukitz]

Very cleaver wording which gives the story a life of its own!

Regards,
Al

[Moonie]

Wow, Al..thank you for reviewing. I was away for the longest time, so couldn't reply back earlier.

[Woody]

so touching! it's so sad when they go, leaving only memorabilia and "cobweb" around the heart. you write with a lot of feeling, Moon. love your comparisons. nice Harry Potter touch. I see you're a fan.

[Moonie]

Wow...one month passed already since this review.. extremely sorry for the late reply. Thankful as always, Woody! :)) Hugs! :))
Always been a potter fan. Somehow, I thought that the deluminator sounded appropriate in this context.