A Vampire's Bite

Some non-vampires often desire to be bitten. This is written from their point of view.

  A Vampire's Bite

 

I sit silently waiting

And wanting your touch

Across the room gazing

I need you so much

Inside me your goal

Will find such power

Releasing my soul

My blood you devour

Sinking deeper you go

Your fangs blood red

Draining me so

Too much to be said

I tense up with fear

Knowing the pleasure

The feeling so near

I will always treasure

My fate you will seal

As you hold me so tight

Your strength I will feel

From your violent Bite! 

Author's Note

Thank you for all your comments. I'm still learning and hope to get better the more I write. Please let me know what you think...

Reviews

[JenLyn]

This was a great write it flows well and the rhyme scheme it nice. I enjoyed reading it, unlike some poems about seduction etc. this one had speed to it, it didn't drag so it made you want to read it even more. If you're into vampires you should check out my poem "Love Letter To A Vampire" but honestly I think your poem is better. Good job! Keep it up! Oh and as far as learning and getting better all it takes it practice, and reading other poetry helps as well, so write until you feel like your hand is going to fall off. I look forward to reading more of your writing. :)

[Scarlet Pulse]

I loved this poem. It's great. I'm a huge True Blood fan. Great show on HBO about vampires and supernatural beings. Also the show Vampire Diaries. There's also a British show called Being Human. About a vampire, werewolf, and a ghost.This poem has great relation to these shows and the idea of vampires and the seductive fearful bite.

[Ice QueenJen]

again I loved reading this- makes me want to get back to my vampire story too!

[Halkhend]

this is very good u are a good writer

[Tate Morgan]

An interesting write I like it

[vixen :)]

LOVED IT and not just because of the whole vampire topic (which was awesome). I also liked it because it was really smooth. Good work!

[NoAirToBreatheXSuffocat..]

the ryhme was good, all around great poem

[Bette]

you did a really good job on this, the read was smooth. well done.

[Anicca]

I thought that the rhyme in this was near perfect and the flow was fabulous!

[MJ Durston]

Overall, seduction isn't really my thing. Just as Jennifer said, the rhyming scheme is simple and nice, you'd be better off to experiment with different writing schemes as a new writer. Try not to stick to the same 'ol theme.

Something Bad: I think this was a great try for you, I don't think it was your best - seeing your potential in the Mountain poem I reviewed just yesterday, I think you could do a lot better than this. Don't forget to separate stanzas to help the natural rhythm of the poem, unless of course you intentionaly leave it that way, with short poems its easier to get away with.

Something Good: For an attempt I think you did pretty well, I'm not a fan, but as a fellow writer you've definately captured what you wanted with the poem. The imagery was good, there is some emotion in there. I also like that it's sort of suspenseful, you know that the bite is coming, you just don't now when.

Keep Writing,
Melissa.

[Havatara]

I loved it! I've always sort of wondered what it would be like from their point of view, but I never really thought about it. You displayed what would happen through some amazing verse. Very well done.