Thought #12 - Your Ignorance Isn't Bliss

A Chapter by Taku

Shut the f**k up. Don’t act like you know me, cause you don’t.

You literally know nothing about how I feel or how I think. You think that just because you spent some time with me that you understand me? It’s apparent you can’t and won’t.

All of this time, I have been changing. I have been changing while you neglected me. I have been slowly evolving and growing the entire time that you have had your back turned. All of the times you refused to look at me because of how disappointed you were, I grew. Every single time that you felt too ashamed to even claim me as your own, I grew. I became something so evolved that you couldn’t understand me any longer so you cast me aside.

I would rather be neglected than be the way I am right now. I would rather you leave me behind than drag me along, my face scraping against the ground. I would rather you cut my throat then let me slowly bleed out.

Don’t strangle me but then say that because you let a little air to pass into my lungs that you’re worthy of reverence. Don’t hit me but then say that because life will do it to me too that it’s ok.

I’m so fed up. I’m so done. I’m at my limit.

There’s nowhere to run. There’s nowhere to hide. There’s nowhere to breathe.

I don’t know what I can do anymore. I don’t know what I can say anymore. I don’t know what I can hope for anymore.

I’m so lost. No, I’m far beyond that. I’m so disoriented that I don’t know up from down or right from wrong.

My whole life my entire mission has been to please you while also to try to live out my own life but now you tell me to tell you what I want on a moment’s notice? Like hell I’ d know.

I’ve spent a lifetime trying to figure someone else out. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to follow what someone else wants. I’ve spent a lifetime hoping to make someone else happy and I haven’t figured it out yet.

But now you demand that I tell you how I feel or what I want? You know what, I think I have an idea.

I HAVE NO F*****G IDEA.

I AM SO LOST THAT NOT EVEN THE COMPASS OF GOD HIMSELF COULD POINT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT.

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