Thought #16 - A (non-lewd) Fantasy

Have you ever fantasized about falling in love? Like honestly. Have you ever thought about what it’s like? I think that it’s such a foreign feeling for me that I’m obsessed with trying to grasp it so that I may understand.

Sometimes I can’t write because I just can’t get it out of my head. I just can’t stop thinking about the moment that we’ll meet or the moment that we’ll decide to be one anothers. You know? Maybe you’re reading this right now. Who knows.

Maybe I’ll be getting on the train, leaving University to back to my apartment when you’ll be getting off and I’ll notice you but you won’t notice me. I’ll only brush past you, we won’t even touch, and you’ll have captivated my thoughts.

I’ll head back to my apartment, the whole walk there I’ll only be able to think about how you walked or how you looked while listening to your music. I’ll get into my apartment, think of you, eat, think of you, change, think of you, study, think of you, get into bed, think of you, won’t be able to sleep, think of you, get ready for school, think of you. You’d be the only thing on my mind. Then the next morning I’d get on the train, playing Skizzy Mars’, “Girl on the Train,” the whole way there and then desperate search for you with my eyes, I’d do this every morning and night. Then, the cycle would repeat.

Whatever happens after that, is up to chance. You may have died in an accident or you may have only used that train last night for an errand or you may use that train in the evening to come back to your apartment from your University or you may have dropped out to pursue your dream of being an artist and you won’t need to use that train anymore or you may have come to visit your boyfriend or you may have just broke up with him or you may have killed yourself shortly after or you may have been going to a birthday party; but in all of those situations, I’d still love you. In that moment, I knew you were the one and regardless of how fate responded, in taking you from me or in giving you to me, you’d still be mine.

I know, it’s just an eighteen year old’s pipe dream but it’s one worth holding onto. No matter what dreams I’d have given up on before or left behind me, I wouldn’t give up on this one. Even if I had never met you again you’d be the Sun in my Milky Way of thoughts.

Maybe I’m just desperate, hopeless, unlovable, horny, stupid, ugly, obsessive, and narcissistic but I can still dream, can’t I?

Author's Note

leave whatever thoughts you desire.