Limb Eric?

Limb Eric?

A Poem by alanwgraham
"

Rotton rhymes

"
I once met a girl on a ship
she wore leathers and sported a whip
when I asked her the price
she said, 'it'll it be nice
for a thrashing and well worth a tip.'

Why do you swing on that limb Eric?
I think you're being rather dim Derek
This poem's quite slack
When the poet's called Jack
But I think it might be a limerick

There's one thing for which I give thanks
That my name is Armitage Shanks
When you go for piss
Just try not to miss
And I'll laugh all the way to the banks

(Armitage Shanks makes most British loos)

I once met a Martian called Jock
And boy could that odd fellow talk
It was all quite absurd
Understood not a word
So I told him to go for walk

I'll admit to the size of my nose
MY proboscis in reach of my toes
But I'll have to admit
That I might have a fit
If I find that the bloody thing grows!

I once met a girl from Morroco
Impressed by the size of my 'sock'. Oh,
spare me your blushes
I'm getting hot flushes
I'll pretend that I'm licking a Choco.

I love to take holidays in Spain
but the spaniels can be such a pain
I just lie on the beach
my plonk within reach
and the rain damn well fell on the plain

Between dawn and dusk lies the day
But night's when I like making hay
I'm always in hope
Of having a grope
Or considerably more, I must say

My wife's run away
not much more i can say
I'll just raise a cheer
crack open the beer
Invite in my mistress to stay

I thought I would give him a fright
And leave him alone for one night
He'll come crawling back
And plead to change tack
When he reckons the size of his plight

At this point I'm lying in the tub
With this limerick approaching the nub
When my damn tablet fell
To a watery ..splash
bubble .. bubble .. bubble ...





















© 2018 alanwgraham


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Featured Review

This is killer! I love limericks, but you've taken them to the moon & back! I'm admiring how you balance the simplicity needed to convey a bitesize message per stanza, but still infused with your deliciously complicated way of imagining things. These are some of the best limericks I've ever read. Your explanatory parenthetical is perfectly added for clarity. Hope your holiday season is starting off with good health & lots of love (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

9 Months Ago

There's a girl from california, my muse
that I'm trying hard not to confuse
with a das.. read more
barleygirl

9 Months Ago

It'll be good to drown the leech in investigations, starting January when liberals are in control, b.. read more



Reviews

This is so light-hearted and clever, I enjoyed each and every verse!

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Well if I needed cheering up this piece really did the trick. I read through enjoying each verse but really cracked up. Verse one was good and verse nine simply had me in stitches! typo me thinks in one:
'That my name is NOT Armitage Shanks'?

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

4 Months Ago

Thanks John. These are light relief from serious writing. No - I was writing the toilet one as Shank.. read more
John Alexander McFadyen

4 Months Ago

Ah ok got it now on a second read! toilet humor at its best!
OH MY!, these limericks are very John Lennon-esque limericks in their quirkiness dear Alan! Accompanied by line drawings of course? Amazing how imagination runs away with us to wondrous places. Humorous language and a jaunty cadence and rhyme delights us throughout. You just have to smile:))) Each separate comical verse somehow relates to the next- or am I muddled- or both?! Risque, hilarious, and hope the last verse wasn’t true!-ha! Cheers!

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

4 Months Ago

Thanks Annette. These rhymes are a bit of a holiday from 'real writing' but my wife thinks (writely).. read more
I liked the armitage shank part the best thank you for the much informed part. that's humor to start a potty (party) if my English inflection is correct

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

6 Months Ago

Thanks Ken for reading. find these limericks quite easy and saves me trying the hard poetry. I can't.. read more
Kent Rawski

6 Months Ago

Lol you crazy
Right off the bat, Alan, the title is a lovely play on words. I like limericks...reading them...don't think I could write one to save my soul.
This grouping...save the odd grammar thing and missing a's...are great. I laughed all the way to the bottom.

A right fine write.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

6 Months Ago

Your words Ted, are really quite kind
For the rhymes can be quite hard to find
The bes.. read more
Ted Kniffen

6 Months Ago

That it does, Alan, that it does. I qualify for sure.
a very fun limerick...lots of ingredients in this poetic stew.
lots of smiles...and the last stanza...there are so many times i would like to drop my poems into the tub and let the ink or typeset just wash away...
almost could start a limerick with that idea...thanks, alan.
you are clever.
j.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

6 Months Ago

Thanks Jacob. I discovered that rhyming is actually a symptom of my bipolar. When I start to rhyme m.. read more
Wow this is fantastic! ESP enjoyed the1st stanza , the Martian and the morocco one lol. Kudos for the poetic entertainment. Hope u get some from mine too.


Plz Pleez do comment/review my newest poem too


Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

7 Months Ago

Thanks Zaynab. I do have fun writing these!
I willreadyour poem!
Alan
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Gee
There was a wee fella from Fife
writing poems, stories 'bout life
when asked as to why
he said with a sigh
" either this or talk to the wife"

Happy New Year Alan :))

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

8 Months Ago

Oh gee, thanks Gee! You've hit the nail on the head. She's got all the secrets or so she thinks.
read more
I thoroughly enjoyed this! Excellent piece of writing

Posted 8 Months Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

8 Months Ago

Thanks. These are some iight relief from the serious stuff!
All the best.
Alan
A long write, but really enjoyed this. Love the limericks, awesome writing

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

8 Months Ago

Thanks Brandie. Limerick writing is just some light relief from the serious stuff.
Happy New .. read more
Jade

8 Months Ago

you too, I could never write a limerick so kudos to you

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Added on November 7, 2018
Last Updated on November 29, 2018

Author

alanwgraham
alanwgraham

Fife, Scotland, United Kingdom



About
Married with three grown up kids, I retired early from teaching physics but have always enjoyed a second life enjoying the outdoors, particularly the mountains. In my mid forties I experienced a manic.. more..

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