Half Empty

Sunday Challenge #3

She's drinking from a half empty glass with a double shot on the rocks, much like her life - sometimes a single shot with a bleeding heart left in its wake, other times a double shot with minimal collateral damage, only numbness in the realization that letting it go any further is moot - her hand swirls the stick in the drink while her blurry eyes stare at the glass and her muffled ears struggle to hear the swishing and clinking of the ice against the backdrop of idle chatter from the other patrons and music bellowing from the jukebox, twirling a cherry stem around her tongue she remembers the day her cherry was popped by an older boy whom she barely knew, twisting the stem like their twisting bodies she ties it in a knot and pulls it out - her stomach was tied in a knot after he pulled it out lying on the grass in the park that hazy summer day trying to process what had happened, she thought it would be.. different.. better.. something.. just as now - sitting on the uneven bar stool with the cracked vinyl seat watching the neon sign flicker on and off through the haze of cigarette smoke - she thought it would be.. different.. better.. something.. this life - this half empty life on the rocks.

Author's Note

Well, I tried.

Reviews

[SleeplessVolcano]

More than tried, I'd say. I remember sitting on those torn vinyl seats myself a few times, contemplating life.

This has the descriptive language of a novel...I'd like to see where the story ends.....where the protagonist, possibly, discovers, to her own surprise (not the reader's) that collateral damage can surface years later too.

Thoughtful and provoking.

[Disillusioned]

I have no idea what the challenge consisted of, but I know a powerfully good write when I see one. Loved the way the opening line set the tone and the closing line pulled it all together with an ironic thread. I've been enjoying your work; thank you for the friend request.

[Light]

very good. sometimes the shot never has quite the kick you expect and sometimes it does, but either way the cup just always seems half-empty...leaving your heart bleeding or yourself numb. excellent write! i can see a kinship in you already!

-light-

[ScaryTrees]

yep
cool write

Our expectations are the destroyers of satisfaction
We thought our lives would be better
We were all supposed to be astronauts and princesses
Finding some comfort in what is
That is the trick isn't it?

[Star Wolf]

Awesome story! This is quite the vivid snapshot of a moment in this lady's life. Its very compelling, very realistic.

[Tina Kline]

Nicely written, this pulls the reader in quickly and the interest level is high all the way through to the end. I think you did a great job on this piece!

[Kerry O'Connor]

Your prose style is exceptional - bleakly commemorative, with an ease of story-telling that slides effortlessly from past to present along the central motif of the cherry. You have the Kerouac flair for time and place, but this is all your own gift for creativity laid out before an audience which can only hold its breath until that concluding statement - the impact is amazing!

Thank you for entering your work in the Sunday Challenge #3

[Nobody.]

This is like the scripture where I come from. Well written. Brutal and beautiful....they dance together like lions.
Cheers!

[Robin]

appearing at barstool near you .. a shadow painting in barroom grey , cherry red , and ice

[Norma M Sutton]

I like it. It has a brute raw feeling.