Chapter 2: A Knightmare

Chapter 2 of my story called "The Third Night".

2

 

I shook off my fear, or at least I tried to, and forgot about my nightmare. I shot a quick look at my alarm clock: 4:30 am. Too early to get up yet.

Falling asleep after such an intense dream proved to be much harder than I had expected it to be. Restlessly I turned ‘round and ‘round in my bed, trying out every position I could think off, but to no avail. Nothing seemed to help. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about the children I saw in my nightmare. Besides that, to make matters worse, the heat in my room was just too much to sustain.

 

I stared at the ceiling, with a thin blanket partly covering my body. I really had to think about something else. I looked at the book which was silently lying on my nightstand. My forefinger and thumb were reaching for the switch attached to my small lamp. I heard the switch flipping, after which the lamp starting emitting a dim light. Maybe reading some of the book could help me out. I opened the book, slowly scrolling through the pages. I hadn’t noticed it before, but the book was rather dusty. The pages had a light brown colour, as if someone had spilled their coffee on it.

 

My eyes went from word to word, reading sentence after sentence. I eventually arrived at chapter 1 after reading the intro. I heard the voice in my head speaking word after word:

“Akuma opened the scroll which he had obtained from the messenger. Akuma soon noticed this wasn’t just a regular messenger, he had been sent by the king.

 

Almighty Akuma,

Our wealthy kingdom needs your help desperately. An enormous monster has been threatening our kingdom, our houses and our crops. We were able to chase away the monster for the time being, but we don’t know when he’s going to strike again. Unfortunately the monster has taken three young civilians hostage. I want you, Akuma, to chase this monster and free the children. In return you will be rewarded with the most valuable and precious thing in the universe.

Our scouts reported that the monster has been hiding in the Melun Dungeon near the southern border of our kingdom. We do not know what’s down there, it can be anything, so keep your eyes opened. Good luck, may divine protection be with you.

Your desperate king.

 

As Akuma read the words valuable and precious, he hesitated no longer. He immediately jumped on…”

 

The voice in my head stopped talking as my eyes were suddenly getting heavier and heavier. I was fighting against a sudden exhaustion, which I couldn’t put my finger on. Everything around me started turning and moving as I was struggling to stay awake. After a few moments I decided to give in to the fatigue and bury the hatchet. The light of my small lamp faded out, the sound of my calm breathing disappeared.

 

The shadows of immense bronze statues covered part of the enormous hallway I was standing in. A pair of gigantic silver chandeliers hung on the ceiling. The light in the room was dim. A soft red carpet covered most of the floor I was standing on. The statues seemed rather old and damaged, as if they had been standing here for ages. On the other hand, the chandeliers didn’t seem to have suffered from any kind of damage at all. The walls consisted of damaged stone bricks, painted in a dark red colour, which hopefully weren’t about to collapse, or else I’d be screwed.

 

I made a few steps forward, still fascinated by the enormous statues. One statue represented a knight in his armour with his hands hanging next to his body. Another one showed a knight wielding his sword, ready to attack.

 

The hallway in front of me seemed to be endless, as the red carpet disappeared in a deep darkness far ahead of me. What should I do, should I just keep moving forward without really having any idea where I’m going? I had no other choice really, that was clear to me.

 

Then, all of a sudden, my eyes fell on some paintings on the walls. I actually hadn’t noticed them before, even though I’d inspected the walls several times. One of the paintings showed a young girl, cheerfully grinning. I assumed she was around the age of 12, just like I was. I kind of had the feeling her eyes were focussed on me, even though it was a just painting. I stopped moving and stared at the painting for a few moments. Nothing happened.

 

“Don’t be stupid, paintings don’t move.” I said to myself, trying not to get scared. I commanded my legs to move forward, but for some reason they refused. I couldn’t stop myself from shooting a quick look at the painting. I felt a shiver going down my spine as soon as I turned my head around: the girl wasn’t grinning anymore, the corners of her mouth had bent down.

Author's Note

A chapter based around the (k)night. Get it?
Please tell me what you think :)
All SUGGESTIONS are welcome.

Reviews

[Rocksie]

I like this chapter. As Lavorther said, its much easier to tell that this is a dream-reality than in the last chapter. I'm a little confused about the picture of the girl though. What did she look like? How young? Is she the same age as the protagonist? Is it the same girl who had cried "Save us"? if it is, maybe both girls need clearer descriptions to help make the connection. If not, then this girl doesn't need as much detail, but something stronger to help picture it would be good.
I like where your story is going, it will be fun to read!

[Mister T.]

The girl being vague was actually intended.
I can't really say anything about it because I do not want to spoil the rest of the story. This part was kind of meant to get the reader thinking: is this really the girl he had seen before? Or isn't it?
I'm not giving you the answer, since this is a story about mystery and putting puzzle pieces together after all, but I'll see what I can do to improve the picture in your head.
Anyways, thanks for your review! I really appreciate it :)

[Bobby Garfield]

Silently lying? Reading something of the book? Can it be that dusty if someone had read it recently? King's name? Keep your eyes open? It was just a painting.

I also liked the chapter and since I'm really in for puns I also like the title. Knightmare... good, classic pun.
A few suggestions:

- In the second paragraph the book is "silently lying". Maybe the "silently" is a bit odd.
- Also in the second paragraph: "Maybe reading some of the book..." Not sure, if you can really say it that way.
- Also, the book is dusty. Can it be dusty if it had recently been read?
- Maybe you should give the king a name. Kings have a way of being in love with their own proud names, I'd say.
- It was just a painting, not it was a just painting (next to last paragraph)

Well, I hope the suggestions are of use. I really liked it and the suggestions are of a mere cosmetic nature.

[Zyle Christian William ..]

This is so intriguing! I love how you give the hint of creepy without being full blown terrifying! I really like this and I am interested to continue reading!

[Mister T.]

Thank you for the review!

[Zyle Christian William Cook]

Of course! YES! You have a riveting tale on your hands and I am already attached to Alex! I

[Solar]

Got drawn into the story, especially the setting of the first chapter - how stories draw the reader and the characters into another world and the boundaries between dream and reality blur.

[Mister T.]

Thank you! :)

[Lavorther]

Clever wordplay with the chapter title :)
Again, much better than the previous version. Compared to the previous chapter, it was really clear that the protagonist entered a nightmare this time. Your writing has improved greatly, which makes me really happy.

Just a small suggestion:
In the letter Akuma received, the king referred to the monster as "he". Generally speaking, nearly all monsters are referred to as "it", even if they have a specific gender (which most often isn't the case). The only times I would refer to a monster as if it has a gender, would be either if the monster is humanoid (like a werewolf or vampire) or if its gender is really obvious. (like mother dragon, for example). It isn't necessarily wrong, but it did feel a bit weird to me to call the monster "he", especially since it is never mentioned what kind of monster we are talking about here.

[Mister T.]

First of all, thank you for the review!

Well, great that you mentioned the fact that it was much clearer that the protagonist entered a nightmare than in the previous chapter. To be honest, in the first place I never mention it's a dream or nightmare the main character is experiencing, as the main character doens't know it while he's experiencing the dream (unless he's a lucid dreamer). This nightmare was intended to be a nightmare - it can clearly be seen. In the first chapter I wanted to confuse the reader, since the reader thinks that the protagonist really woke up, but in reality, it's all a dream. Both the protagonist and the reader do not know this at the time, until the moment that the protagonist really wakes up. I think you also used this method in your story 'Rafiela's thorns'.

Glad you enjoyed it! :)

[Lavorther]

You did not specifically tell the reader that it was a nightmare, but the protagonist clearly fell asleep in the previous paragraph, and he is suddenly standing in a hallway with statues and chandeliers. To me this was a pretty clear sign it was indeed a dream. But you're right about the protagonist not knowing it is a dream while he is sleeping.

Also, I saw you edited the ending of the first chapter, and by making the protagonist wake up at the end of the chapter it was clear that the last part was a dream. This is indeed the same thing I did in my story Rafiela's Thorns, although it's a pretty common way to end a nightmare in a story.

[Mister T.]

I kind of got confused by all the nightmares, excuse me xD
Straight to the point:
The nightmare in chapter 1 was meant to push the reader into thinking the protagonist had already woken up, the nightmare in chapter 2 was meant to be a clear nightmare, but you know the feeling you experience while dreaming? Everything seems logical in a dream, even though it really isn't when you look back at the happenings in real life. This exact feeling was the protagonist experiencing.
Sorry, just wanted to get some confusion out of the way :p

[Lavorther]

I might have worded it a bit vaguely, but I experienced it exactly the way you just described it. So good job, your intentions came across :)