Shinobi Poison

Shinobi Poison

A Poem by Marc Marlon Villaflor


     © 2013 Marc Marlon Villaflor



Open your noxious lips

        Swallow my soul without fear

  The summer won’t dry

 

 


© 2013 Marc Marlon Villaflor


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To me this 'Senryu' type poem is about trust between lovers, 'noxious lips' infers taking good with the bad and swallowing it whatever. 'Without fear the summer won't dry infers you are sort of sweating with fear maybe, a lot can be read into this anyway....

Posted 9 Years Ago


Wow. So few words and yet so many. I loved every second of this. Those first two lines are powerful. I love that you describe this woman or man as a poison, something that's forbidden. Going further you welcome that danger, "Swallow my soul without fear" daring them to do it, whatever that action may be, but also daring yourself.
The last line, to me at least, is a little confusing. Upon first reading the word "dry" doesn't seem to make sense. However as I read it a few more times it started to. I think you mean that nothing bad will happen from accepting this poison. Comforting yourself and the other person that it's not so bad. So as I came to see that the word "dry" did make sense. Another great Job!


Posted 9 Years Ago


Great imagery. :) Very well done!

Posted 9 Years Ago


I like the way you used the word noxious to describe the woman's lips- I've always loved that word. A lot of your poems have interesting formatting techniques, and I was curious as to whether there was some sort of a purpose behind it. It's short, so there isn't much to patch up. I was thinking, though, that "Part your noxious lips" rolls off the tongue a bit easier than "Open your noxious lips". Just a thought- it really isn't much of a change, nor is it necessary, but I really want to try to help. With or without the change, it's fantastic, a perfect score.

Posted 9 Years Ago


I am just writing for a month and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank you, I love you all.


Posted 9 Years Ago


brings to mind giving yourself to someone totally and entirely. letting them know that this is true love, that it is not just a summer romance, but one to last a life time. great job.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Marc Marlon Villaflor

9 Years Ago

Thanks M.B I really appreciate your precious time reading my work.
when i smoke my pipe the air is not dry at all

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Marc Marlon Villaflor

9 Years Ago

lol :) you know we have pipe also for tobacco it is an arabic style Shisha it is long and iced insid.. read more
Mike Emil

9 Years Ago

not so involved
just a regular pipe
Marc Marlon Villaflor

9 Years Ago

aha :) cool
a lot of pain and fear in your religion

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Marc Marlon Villaflor

9 Years Ago

:) thanks for the review Gom :)
Seems confusing at first but it tells a story in very few words. The title also leans toward the meaning. Good Job

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Marc Marlon Villaflor

9 Years Ago

Thanks Brother, this is also a love story of Shinobi Warrior. Shinobi Ninja are lethal even thier li.. read more

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Added on April 9, 2013
Last Updated on April 9, 2013

Author

Marc Marlon Villaflor
Marc Marlon Villaflor

DIFC Dubai International Financial Center, Dubai City, United Arab Emirates



About
I am just writing for almost 2 months now and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank y.. more..

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