Shinobi Poison

     © 2013 Marc Marlon Villaflor

Open your noxious lips

        Swallow my soul without fear

  The summer won’t dry

 

 

Reviews

[Leigh]

To me this 'Senryu' type poem is about trust between lovers, 'noxious lips' infers taking good with the bad and swallowing it whatever. 'Without fear the summer won't dry infers you are sort of sweating with fear maybe, a lot can be read into this anyway....

[Imara]

Wow. So few words and yet so many. I loved every second of this. Those first two lines are powerful. I love that you describe this woman or man as a poison, something that's forbidden. Going further you welcome that danger, "Swallow my soul without fear" daring them to do it, whatever that action may be, but also daring yourself.
The last line, to me at least, is a little confusing. Upon first reading the word "dry" doesn't seem to make sense. However as I read it a few more times it started to. I think you mean that nothing bad will happen from accepting this poison. Comforting yourself and the other person that it's not so bad. So as I came to see that the word "dry" did make sense. Another great Job!

[InsanityWriter]

Great imagery. :) Very well done!

[dave]

I like the way you used the word noxious to describe the woman's lips- I've always loved that word. A lot of your poems have interesting formatting techniques, and I was curious as to whether there was some sort of a purpose behind it. It's short, so there isn't much to patch up. I was thinking, though, that "Part your noxious lips" rolls off the tongue a bit easier than "Open your noxious lips". Just a thought- it really isn't much of a change, nor is it necessary, but I really want to try to help. With or without the change, it's fantastic, a perfect score.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I am just writing for a month and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank you, I love you all.

[Mockingbird]

brings to mind giving yourself to someone totally and entirely. letting them know that this is true love, that it is not just a summer romance, but one to last a life time. great job.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks M.B I really appreciate your precious time reading my work.

[Mike Emil]

when i smoke my pipe the air is not dry at all

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) lol what kind of pipe? hahaha

[Mike Emil]

don't be insolent
a tobacco pipe of course!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :) you know we have pipe also for tobacco it is an arabic style Shisha it is long and iced inside then there is a tobacco with flavor.

[Mike Emil]

not so involved
just a regular pipe

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

aha :) cool

[gombeggar]

a lot of pain and fear in your religion

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) thanks for the review Gom :)

[Eddie Phillips]

Seems confusing at first but it tells a story in very few words. The title also leans toward the meaning. Good Job

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Brother, this is also a love story of Shinobi Warrior. Shinobi Ninja are lethal even thier lips.