Innocence

Very different from anything I have ever written Free Verse

    Innocence....

     Innocence flew by,

     like an old crow

     looking for a place to die,

     with a world to discover ...

     few moments to listen.

     She sought what she felt;

     yet, never found it;

     time rose up 

     like an angry whale ...

     her heart tore.

     In spite, she waited

     for a moment of reprieve,

     tossing her wishes away,

     as the whale

     swallowed each.

     Wanting more of her innocence, 

     the whale waited.

     Waters opened 'n flowed;

     still, the whale waited ...

     Time disappeared; 

     as did she ...

     with her innocence.

              ~~~

Author's Note

If you happen to pass by and read my poem I would appreciate a review. I always review whatever I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[Vol]

Lisa,
I've long wondered what the loss of innocence actually means. I remember back in 1967, 8, and 9, I lived in Pensacola, Florida with a coterie of brilliant, beautiful friends discovering weed, and acid, and reveling in this new paradigm of sex, drugs, and Rock-n-Roll. Claudia introduced two new innocents into our tight group, and they were gorgeous, laughed easily, and danced like crazy! They were both engaged, but never brought their guys around. Both got married in the same church at the same time, and disappeared. A year later, I had moved to Wisconsin and did the same.
When I returned to Pensacola, I wanted to show off my new friends to my former classmates and went to find Claudia. Her mom gave me her new address, an old Painted Lady divided into apartments where she shared rooms with those two girls. They were divorced, and broken" their faces were hard, and their eyes flat. Innocence lost. I wrote about it:

IN THE GARDEN

In the garden of rock and roll girls
I knew back then were the eyes of
innocent laughter ripe for the gathering.

The taste of living was honey
on their lips and thighs
when they smiled at us
to the sound of guitar
poetry painting fantasies in
the blue nights and yellow days
spent guileless in the garden of
rock and roll girls I knew back then.

They danced with us in the
smoke of our wildest dreams
breathless, bouncing hair
and the drum of burning blood,
a fire in the garden until midnight
when the harvester comes wearing
a jeweled grin to share with them.

He lives today around their
white necks and naked wrists
slit by the fangs of innocence.

As you can see, I have long been troubled by this "rite of passage." And a few minutes ago, I clicked on your picture again, but it wasn't the same one as accompanies this poem. In that one you are giving a great guffaw, and full of joy. The one here speaks better to the theme.
Hmmm. I wonder if commenting like this is what we are supposed to do, rather than an analysis or critique, "Why did you use that word? or What did you mean by that image?". But somehow It is a little richer, I think, to speak directly to the poet and the poet's thoughts and feelings, Something I can't do with D. H. Lawrence, or Charles Bukowski or any of those other dead ones. So, unless you tell me otherwise, I'll carry on. But with messages rather than here, because I'd love to delve into some of the images and thoughts in this poem.
I hope your shoulder is healing, and i understand the pain, and the limitations it puts on how much you can write,

[Lisasview]

getting late here now so I will respond tomorrow..just want you to know that I got your review..the time difference is a drag.
Lisa, still in stupid pain..no drugs now just red wine

[Vol]

OW! Lisa!
I can relate... It is awful, and even the deep knowledge that this will pass does nothing to help, even climbing into a warm comfortable bed hurts! Been there, done that!
Vol

[V.R.S.C.]

Both a powerful poem and top review. I have nothing to add. Thank you both Lisa and Vol for sharing!

[Lisasview]

Thank you so so much!
Lisa

[Fran Marie]

A well crafted poem on
innocence an attribute
that swiftly departs at
some point in life...and
the innocence is lost
so deeply expressed in
poetic verse here

Nice work

[Lisasview]

Good morning Fran Marie,
Thank you so much for your kind review..
Wan't sure everyone would understand as i used quite a few metaphors..Those metaphors came to me with no planning...
Lisa, cool morning in Spain..but it will be at least 90 degrees today

[mattavelli]

Hello, Lisa! :)
This is lovely thoughtful poetry with striking metaphors and great feeling. It reads to me like an ocean of regret/compromise. Thanks for sharing.

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my poem and review it.
This poem is very very different from any of my others...
Lisa, now in Spain

[Delmar Cooper]

So strange that in our youth innocence is a burden we wish to grind away from ourselves against gritty experience. Later, much later, it is regret at its loss we so want to shed.

[Lisasview]

Good morning Delmar,
I am delighted that you really understood my poem.. even with the metaphors.. You are so right in what you say...
Lisa, early morning in Spain

[W. Barrett Munn]

Hi, Lisa,
How are things in Spain?

I like the thrust of this poem. I read an interesting quote yesterday - it was behind a NYT paywall so I couldn't read the article but what I could read said, "Poetry leaves something out."

I thought that was a pretty good explanation. I fight writing prose in poetic format instead of writing poems. There is a fine line in poetry between too obtuse and too blatant.

I'm always chasing the idea in the last lines of Frost's "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening":
the woods are lovely soft and deep
but I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
and mile to go before I sleep

We, the readers, get to fill in all the blanks. That is our goal as poets - just enough but not too much.

[Lisasview]

Thank you for reading and reviewing..Not sure exactly what you mean..are you saying my poem is too obtuse or too blatant??
Lisa

[W. Barrett Munn]

These are decisions left to the individual poet. What you think is more important than what I think.

[Lisasview]

Thank you..Oh and Spain is glorious...
Lisa

[Tate Morgan]

Innocence is the quality we all hold
Priceless. We protected as long as we can in our children and grandchildren because we revere it. The most precious thing in life is time it is the one thing you were born with and from that moment on it runs out like the sands of an hourglass

[Lisasview]

Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem Tate..
I am glad to know you understood it..
read moreThank you for reading and reviewing my poem Tate..
I am glad to know you understood it..
Lisa, now in Spain

[Tate Morgan]

As my friend Fever would say “ ' One day the sands will surely shift, ~ And toppled I will be; ~ Spilling freely, I’ll reach out, ~ Returning to the Sea. '”

[Lisasview]

Good morning Tate,
I am up early and going through my poetry and came across your very nice response to my thank you...
I really love the words you sent me..a little poem that means so very much...
Thank you again

[Neville]

an intriguing poem if ever there was .. I felt like a voyeur until the second stanza and then, was tempted to don my psychoanalyst cap .. but hey, life is too short and I enjoyed the ride anyway ................ Neville

[Lisasview]

Glad you were intrigued..
This poem is so different than any I have ever written..
I wrote it down and never changed one word..
I find it so interesting to read what people feel about my poem.
Even I had to go back over it to see and feel what it all meant..
For me there is quite bit of hidden meaning behind my words..The old crow ...the whale, etc..
Glad you enjoyed the ride..
Lisa

[Neville]

I can imagine .. and I did indeed .. Neville :)

[Red Brick Keshner]

This is an interesting little poem! What got me was the image of the crow in S1 and the whale in the rest of the poem. I had halfed hoped to hear what ever happened to that ailing crow, lol. Perhaps a lone balck feather tossing in the wind by the shore. That's just me, though. Thoroughy enjoyed. Thanks for sharing. Frederick.

[Lisasview]

Hi Frederick,
Okay, let's see ... the "ailing" old crow is (her) innocence waiting for a place to die..so innocence disappears....the whale represents time... and, her wishes disappear as she tosses them away..and the whale (time) swallows them...
The whale (time) waited...as time took away more of her innocence...but in the last lines I wrote that time disappeared and so did she with her innocence.
Anyway, that is why I so love the use of metaphors.. people can read into them what they want..
Because of your idea abut the black feather I thought it might be fun to explain my thoughts,
Lisa

[Red Brick Keshner]

Oh wow, even better than what I was thinking. The strands have woven each other together, the loss of innocence and later on the loss of time, that is too beautiful! Frederick.

[Lisasview]

Thank you for reading my comment about my poem.. So the loss of innocence happens through the loss of time.
But this is only my interpretation of my poem.. Others may view it quite differently...
Lisa, early morning in Spain

[lightsong]

Thank You for writing something different dear Lisa and more importantly about children. your metaphor of the whale is chosen smartly, I can't help but imagine this whale of a "raper" who steals innocence from children. yet I see it also as the world itself the cruel world that swallows all their smiles, dreams and happiness. poverty, wars, ignorance... ect... all these ugly things that take away the pureness and light of children.

[Lisasview]

So interesting the many reviews with different ideas about my poem..I I was thinking that the Whale represented Time..but your thought is quite good... then I thought of the wishes as innocence.. Every time I reread my poem thoughts pop up...
Thank you again for your insightful review my dear friend,
Lisa... 6pm..dinner over and now taking a break..

[lightsong]

Time! and that's a great idea! time that steals innocence as the person grow up. OH! my I was about to eat my lunch too when I noticed your comment :> have a nice dinner lovely You~

[Lisasview]

I think this is so great.. Our creative minds going over the many possibilities for this poem..
read moreI think this is so great.. Our creative minds going over the many possibilities for this poem..
All the lines poured out of me..

[lightsong]

I agree my dear :>

[JE Falcon]

"Innocence flew by,
like an old crow
looking for a place to die," --- What a gets vision!
Somehow, I wanted to know more about this person, then again, I'm not sure I really do(?). Nice, a solid write with great wording.

[Lisasview]

Oh dear, I just saw this wonderful review of your..written two weeks ago!!
Interesting that you wanted to know more about my poem..but not sure..
Glad you liked my words..
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing..and, sorry i am late in saying Thank you!!
Lisa

[JE Falcon]

No problem. It's been happening to me too, lately; maybe it's TWC, not us. :)

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Lisa. Your lines here are thought provoking. They are heavy with the weight of those innocents losing their lives at present. It is difficult to concentrate on anything other than Ukraine. That's where my heart is at the moment. On the rubble of all that has been lost.

Chris

[Lisasview]

My words are even thought proving to me... I reread them everyday and find more of what my heart was saying.
Thank you for your kind review, Chris.
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

Have a lovely weekend dear Lisa. Hope the sun is shining on you :) I love poetry that can have a multitude of meanings.

[Lisasview]

I do too..
Today looks like a beautiful day... Finished practicing piano and now off to finish the housework I started last week.
Have a fun`filled day..
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you :)