Introduction

Thanks for reading! This is in fact an introduction to a novel. Haha...I'm working on several new ideas at once. Thank you for your time, have a great day.

Introduction

 5 YEARS IT HAS BEEN, and yet every day he continues to return. He can’t find it in his heart to accept that art and literature have been exterminated from society. That little fad is done and nonexistent. I relentlessly request that he change his ways and live life similar to the rest of us, but he refuses to see the truth. Sci-fi novels, fantasy bestsellers, aspiring epics, realistic fiction: those were overdone back in my youth. It upsets me when he carries his manuscript by his side, day by day, into my armory and gunshop, then marches into my barren office to demand that his book be published for the community to read. He doesn’t understand...bookshops and libraries, all swept away with the wind. Since the Demolition War all anyone wanted to do was take part in war. This war would take place in cities, and in homes...havoc enveloped our everyday lives. Nowadays, to kill would be for the thirst of blood.

This path we are taking...I just don’t know if there is light awaiting us in the horizon. It is clear to see the thirst in the eyes of many...the constant fire for murder and unjust actions makes up the outer layer of their hearts. I do feel that I myself have not completely strayed from the days when one could curl up in a rocking chair beside a blazing fire and read a novel. I remember when the building in which I run my gun store was instead a publishing company. But the part most vivid in my memory remains as the final day before the publishing company was to be replaced by my store, “Lora’s Firearms and Protective Gear."

 Yes, that was the day S.Z Write first carried his novel into my office as I was clearing out the last of the previous owner’s junk. That was truly the end of it...nothing but darkness since. To say I haven’t taken part in any of it would be a complete and utter lie. But I do like to think that all of who I truly am has not ceased. S.Z views the world as devoid of color and excitement. A black and white photograph of a demolished world. I know this because he tells me every day. I really believe that without his constant blathering about how the world needs art and beautiful literature to restore the peace there once was, I would be no different than the rest: obsessed and neglective. I would always ask him to stop coming with his novel and return to life. I would tell him to accept life for what it was...that he was wasting his life away with a hopeless dream. But secretly, somewhere within me, I did enjoy his presence. He gave me a sense that there was still some good in this world.

I never have read his writing. I don’t want to get trapped in the old world. Times have changed, and that’s the way it is. But honestly, I’ve got no place to be, no purpose. What really is the true purpose of life, in anyone's perspective? Well, all I know is I can’t see anything in this abyss. The walls are slimy and disgusting. The visible sky above is misty and gray. At the bottom, nothing to be found but my own death. And I’m in the middle of it all. In a more realistic view of it, I don’t see a happy ending to any path I take. The world is in ruin and devoid of hope. But...is it really? S.Z, I hope you have an answer. -Journal Entry 1, October 5, 2101

Author's Note

Thanks for reading! This is in fact an introduction to a novel. Haha...I'm working on several new ideas at once. Thank you for your time, have a great day.

Reviews

[Mister_Sir]

You established an excellent background for this world. As such, it was easy for me to not only picture the condition of the narrator here, but also a conceptualization of the world's urban and cultural decay. What I really appreciated was how the passage reminded me of 1984 and Fahrenheit 451. Obviously, it was the rotten bleakness that reminded me of the former, and it was the devaluation of literature and art that reminded me of Fahrenheit 451. I like how you began your presentation of the story here in the form of a journal entry, because the first person perspective allows for a more authentic perception of both the narrator's thoughts and his interactions with the outside world, which, of course, I assume will be made more intense and weighty as the story continues. Another thing that I like is that, even though this passage gives off the aura of being science fiction and dystopia, it does not seem as though it will be dominated primarily by an exploitation of those aspects for the sake of plot, like most genre is. Rather, I can tell that, like the aforementioned novels, it appears as though there is a strong probability that there will be a large emphasis on characterization. And I hope hat you will mix some more philosophy in there too. Furthermore, if you could provide a well-thought balance between plot and characterization and thereby establish a mature character and story base, then the novel will have reached an excellent level of maturity. Also, I really like the name S.Z Write; it sounds like a completely real name. I really appreciate that, because there is an exercise that I like to do in which I try to think of names that sound as though they are real. I have come up with several, but I have only used a few thus far in a story which I am still finishing.
As for technical suggestions, I had a few. First, I thought that the following phrases were cliché: “light awaiting us in the horizon,” “thirst in the eyes of many,” “Times have changed,” and “And I'm in the middle of it all.” I definitely suggest changing those phrases. Also, I thought that “slimy and disgusting” in the last paragraph sounded too immature for the established voice of the narrative thus far. And lastly, in the first sentence of the last paragraph, I think that “I have never read his writing” would sound better than “I never have read his writing.” So, that is pretty much all I have to say for this one. I apologize for taking so long to review. I already informed you about my situation. Nonetheless, I will try to get to at least one chapter from this piece per week.

Neurotically yours,
Mister Splitbrain

[Stars and Whales]

I appreciate that! Great critique! This is helpful; I will use advice to the best of my ability :)

[Pash]

I applaud your work already. Allot of potential here to build an epic story. The foundation is laid out well and I can't wait to read more, Keep on creating!
DB.

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you :)

[Arline]

Very nice introduction, leaves me in wonder or what will happen next and what characters will be presented. Nice job:)

[JMKane117]

I can tell this is going in an interesting direction, but it's missing something critical. You're missing a character that the reader can attach themselves to. It doesn't have to be someone they like, just someone, anyone, who they can get to know for a little. Without that your introduction loses a lot of its weight. You have some big ideas in this introduction and if you expanded on them with a character (not necessarily the main character) and some action (related/unrelated to the events) then it'll be that much more powerful.

Hope it helps. I look forward to seeing the next chapter and what you do with it :)

[Stars and Whales]

Remember that it is just the intro...character development is something I'm focusing on right now in the first chapter. But thank you, I will look for this when I am editing! Thanks again. :)

[SoberBunny]

Hmm, interesting. I like the idea of a "thirst" taking over in the aftermath of a war that destroyed art. Reminds me of the Nazis, to be quite honest haha. Definitely interested to see where this goes, especially since two people don't seem to be all that enthused by the violence and the chaos. I would turn the page to find out what's up with this artless world. :)

This may be off topic, but I've noticed a definite theme in your main characters. The different ones, the ones who want to make some sort of change in a world that is bleak or otherwise hopeless. So as an overall note, I would suggest perhaps giving "the crowd" a bit more logic or reasoning behind their clearly bleak existence. Are they scared, like in 'Burn'? Angry? What makes the obvious discomfort so comforting? And how, in a world where discomfort is the norm, does your character come up with ideas that don't seem to exist? Just a thought. Great job as always! ^.^

[Stars and Whales]

Awesome! I appreciate this. It gives me something to look for when I'm editing. Do you have any advice as to how to go about doing this? I feel I've been improving a lot because of comments like this, and I am really thankful. :) Thanks again.

[SoberBunny]

No problem, I'm happy I could help. :)

And hmm... Well book/art burning is a tactic used by dictators both real and fictional. So there is always that route, there is some sort of regime intent on power over the people by any means necessary. In which case, new ideas aren't exactly far fetched, they're just dangerous. Such a regime is likely to cause poverty which in turn can cause violence as people fight for food, water, etc. Or maybe this 'thirst' is some sort of funky brain disease, as a more sci-fi or supernatural explanation. Maybe S.Z. is immune, and the narrator right here is finding himself not so immune but not so sick either. Usually there is some sort of spark or flash that gives the protagonist the idea in this type of story. In Farenheit 451, it was an idealistic girl and surviving books. In 1984, it was information about the past before the bad stuff happened. In my own book, its a psychic who knows the main character has the power to save the world. Because I'm a heck of a lot cheesier than this, haha. But yeah that's what I can think of, I'm a bit sleep deprived so maybe I didn't make any sense. But I hope it can help get the gears turning. :)

[Stars and Whales]

No that all makes sense to me. Thank you, I will hopefully make some changes! I'm about to post what I have for Chapter 1.

[SoberBunny]

Alrighty :)

[David]

Okay my review. I see the novel attempting to create an existence that is parallel to main stream thought. When everything is thought in those terms it only validates it.

[Stars and Whales]

Would you mind explaining this further? Thank you.

[terry smith]

Good start to an interesting idea! you should read it to yourself a few times to see if you might want to change some of the wording, just a suggestion.

[Stars and Whales]

Will do. Thanks!

[Nathan Aguiar]

It seems like something I could get into and spend a day or so reading. This S.Z. Write character intrigues me the most, reminds me of when I read Heart of Darkness, the journey to find Kurtz was exciting, and I can see this being just as entertaining. Seeing this is only an introduction, it could go anywhere at this point, so I can't be too critical yet, I'll definitely re-read when more chapters are out.

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks a lot! I appreciate your positive comments.

[This Guy (Again)]

Excellent. Love the passion that's described in the setting. Has a nice flow and is easy on the eyes. Keep it up Zane!

[Stars and Whales]

I appreciate that! Thanks :)

[wordman]

well it sounds very interesting ,it will be a top ten seller.

[Stars and Whales]

Wow, thank you! Wow...what exactly do you mean by that? Thanks

[wordman]

it will be a great novel !

[Stars and Whales]

Alright...thank you so much! I hope to commit and I love to write so that shouldn't be too difficult!

[Tomoe Tellez]

This is good, it wakes up many questions which makes me want to keep reading. I want to know what kind of war would cause this since the earth has gone through many horrible wars, but none have done something like this. And why do people in this world you describe would treat war as something to have fun? I would really want to find this out in the novel.

[Read_Lines]

This is a really interesting, well-written introduction! It definitely grabs the readers attention to want to dwelve into the world that you are creating. Awesome job! The only thing that I would change would be the first sentence. Instead of saying "5 years it has been" I would capitalize the first 5 words and change it to (for example) "IT HAS BEEN FIVE YEARS, and yet everyday he continues to return." That's my only criticism. Keep up the good work!

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you, that helps!