Part III: Reflection Year -6

Part III: Reflection 

Year -6 

February 9, 2003 

Dear Diary: 

       So, I was right, high school isn’t much different from middle school. I still get picked on, my grades are steadily on the decline, I only have one ‘A’ this year so far, and it’s English. My classes are getting muy dificil. Ha, I like peppering in some Spanish, I like how it sounds. Anyhoo, there’s a Valentine’s dance this weekend at the church and Michael is taking me to make up for his mess up from last year. I switched my medicines this year and this Depakote is so weird, I definitely feel more awake, but I felt calmer on the Phenobarbital. I feel more nervous now, and sometimes, I’ll be staring out the window out of boredom and just imagine a bunch of bullets fire through and punch holes in me and I die. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything, it’s just my imagination running wild, but I don’t know why it’s so morbid, or why I see it a lot. When I get bullied now, I get super depressed and actually feel like dying, but I don’t imagine the bullets, I imagine myself hanging actually. But like I said, it’s just a thought, because even when I feel like dying, I don’t wanna die. Oh well, I’m sure it’s normal. Anyway, got school tomorrow, nighty night!        

The next day, Sandra is in the lunch line when Samson comes up to her. “Hey Sally.”        

“S-It’s uh, Sandy.” Sandra says.        

“Yeah. Anyway, you uh, wanna like, go out with me or something?”        

“Yes! I mean uh, really?”        

“Yeah, it’s whatever, so, yeah?”        

“Yeah.”        

“Cool. Cool.” He walks away.        

“Oh my God, you just asked out by Samson f*****g Alpha!” Lois says.        

“I know, I’m so excited!” Sandra says.        

“I thought for sure he’d go for one of those prissy b*****s he hangs out with.”        

“Me too, this is such a shock, I think I might cry.”        

“Please try to hold it until after we get our lunch.”        

“I’ll try.” They get their lunch and as soon as they sit down, Sandra bursts into tears.        

“What’s the matter with her?” Michael asks.        

“She was just asked out by Samson Alpha.” Lois says.        

“So? What’s the big deal?”        

“He’s only one of the hottest guys in school, duh! And Sandra has a huge crush on him.”        

“What’s the big deal? He’s just a jock clone like the rest of them as far as I’m concerned.”        

“That’s why this is so important to me!” Sandra says, through tears. “I never thought a girl like me could ever have a chance with a guy like him, especially him because I’ve got a major crush on him.”        

“Ohh, I get it, it’s one of those once in a lifetime opportunity things, right?”        

“Yeah.”        

“Good luck.”        

“What do you mean?”        

“He’s probably up to something.”        

“No, I don’t think so.”        

“No offense, but a guy like that doesn’t ask someone like you out of the blue cause he’s a nice guy like that. Just be careful, ok?”        

“Fine.”        

“So, I guess this means I don’t take you to the dance this Saturday?”        

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, Michael. I-“        

“No, no, it’s fine, really. You uh, you deserve to be happy. Besides, I’m not your boyfriend or anything, so it’s all cool, we’re still even anyway cause now this means it’s your turn to ditch me.”        

“C’mon, don’t be like this, Michael!”        

“Like what? I’m fine, really.”        

“Really?”        

“Yes.” Samson comes over to the table.        

“Is there a problem?” He asks.        

“No, everything’s fine.” Michael says.        

“There better not be, fatty or I’ll smash your face in, got it? Did he make you cry, Sandy?”        

“No, it’s nothing, it’s fine Sammy, everything’s good.” Sandra says.        

“Better be.” He walks back to his table. 

February 10, 2003 

Dear Diary:        

Oh. My. Gosh. Samson Alpha asked me out today! He’s definitely my top choice in school and he asked me out. I’m so excited, I can’t believe I’m going out with the hottest boy in school… which has me thinking about what Michael said, but I don’t know. Maybe he’s genuine and he’s not like those other jocks. Maybe there’s more to him than meets the eye. Anyway, this is really exciting for me because I never thought that in a million years I would ever have a chance with someone like him, let alone him. There is something that I don’t know if I’d be able to stop. What if, some time down the line, he wants to take my virginity? I want to save it for marriage, but I’m not sure if I’m strong enough for that. I might give in because I’m so attracted to him. I don’t know, I’m so confused. Anyway, I wanna ask him to the dance this weekend, even though I said I’d take Michael, but now technically Samson is my boyfriend so I have to take him. I feel bad for Michael, I promised him we’d go together and now I’m blowing him off. But he also said he was fine with it, but did he really mean it? Ugh, this is all so confusing. Well, good night then.        

The next day, Sandra catches Samson in the hallway. “Hey.”       

“Oh, hey.”        

“Can I ask you something?”        

“I guess.”        

“Can I sit with you at lunch?”        

“Nah, no, that uh, wouldn’t be a good idea, you know how the girls don’t like you or I totally would let you.”        

“Oh… Are you tricking me?”        

“What do you mean?”        

“A guy like you just doesn’t ask a girl like me out cause you’re just that nice of a guy.”        

“Look, it’s no big deal, can’t you just accept the fact that I chose you? Besides, you’re not that ugly, just fat.”        

“Um, excuse me??”        

“Sorry, was just being honest.”        

“I’m thinking maybe this is a trick.”        

“NO! N-no, I’m sorry.”        

“Then what are your intentions?”        

“Just, date and stuff.”  

“That’s it?”        

“Yeah, like hang out and kiss or whatever.”        

“You- you wanna kiss me?”        

“Sure, I guess.”        

“Really?”        

“Go for it.”        

“Right- right now?”        

“Why not? There’s no one around.”        

“Ok, here I go.” They lean in and kiss for a few seconds. “I have to go to class.” She rushes off. 

February 11, 2003 

 Dear Diary: 

     Soooo, I kissed Samson today for the first time and I gotta say, I’m awfully disappointed. It was hollow, like I was kissing a cpr dummy. Guess I’m going to have to teach him how to do it properly. Hehehe, this gives me the perfect excuse to kiss him over and over again. I think Michael might be jealous because he keeps insisting that it’s a trap. I don’t believe it, I think he’s just misunderstood. Oh shoot, I just realized I forgot to ask him to the dance. Oh well, I’d better remember tomorrow, otherwise I could get stuck with Michael. Hehe, I’m just kidding, I’ll remember. Anyway, I’m really hoping I stay with him, even for just a little while, it doesn’t have to be forever, but short relationships stink, my last and first one only being a week long… Maybe I can convince his friends to leave me alone while we’re dating, I don’t like getting beat up and maybe dating him will make me immune. It’s totally worth a shot, the worst they could do to me is what they usually do to me anyway, so really I have nothing to lose. But then what kind of man would that make him if he doesn’t stop them from beating my butt? I could really use this to my advantage; not that I take advantage of people, but for my own safety, this is a good thing. I wonder if maybe I could convince him to join him and his friends or if I can get him to sit with me. Well, I got school tomorrow, this week seems to be going by really quickly, I’m glad too cause I’m so excited about the dance! Night. 

     “Samson! Samson!” Sandra calls, chasing after him. 

     “Sup?” 

     “What are you doing this Saturday?” 

     “No idea, why? You uh, wanna come over or something? We have this really neat pool.” 

     “Wait, really? I love pools!” 

     “Yeah, we could have the whole space to ourselves.” 

     “Well, actually I was gonna ask you to the dance at the church this Saturday night.” 

     “Oh… what time does it end? Maybe we could go to my place after.” 

     “Sure, ok.” 

     “Really?” 

     “Sure, why not? After all, we’re dating now.” 

     “Cool.” 

     “Which reminds me, I wanna hang out at lunch, but your friends don’t like me, and they have to know about me sometime.” 

     “Yeah, you’re right, how about tomorrow?” 

     “Where would we sit?” 

     “I dunno, I’ll pick a good place.” 

     “Why can’t I sit with you and your friends?” 

     “Um, sure, why not?” 

     “Really?” 

     “Yeah, just, uh, don’t leave your stuff unattended, I uh, feel like you should know that…” 

     “Um…ok? Could I ask you another favor?” 

     “What?” 

     “I know the girls hate me and all, but could I perhaps not get beaten up by them?” 

     “Oh, yeah, I should probably tell them to lay off you, although they have left you alone, haven’t they?” 

     “Yeah, come to think of it…” 

     “Good.” 

     “Why do they hate me so much, Samson?” 

     “Because you’re a goody too shoes and a snitch. You’re also kinda goofy looking, with your weird tshirt, sweatpants, and glasses.” 

     “Really?” 

     “Yeah, you’ve looked the same for the past four years, it looks skuzzy.” 

     “Oh, wow. I had no idea.” 

     “Yeah, change it up a bit and maybe people will like you. Stop wearing sweat pants for one, ugh.” 

     “But they’re so comfortable!” 

     “Jeans can be comfortable too.” 

     “Fine. I can’t get rid of my glasses, I need those, and I like my tshirts, they’re funny or cool.” 

     “Yeah, that’s another thing, nobody gives two s***s about ancient bands from the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s. You look like you’re just wearing your parents’ old clothes.” 

     “But I actually listen to these bands.” 

     “Yeah, cause of your parents.” 

     “So?” 

     “Do you even listen to modern music?” 

     “No, I don’t really like it all that much.” 

     “What’s wrong with you?” 

     “Nothing.” 

     “Whatever. You, uh, wanna skip the rest of the day with me? Johan’s older than the rest of us, so he’s got his permit. We were gonna go for lunch and then cruise around, see where the day takes us.” 

     “That sounds like fun, but I have a test eighth period, and I need to make sure I get my homework… you think they’ll be ok with us leaving?” 

     “Uh… what? No, we’re not telling anyone we’re going anywhere.” 

     “What?” 

     “I can do what I want, my dad helps keep me out of trouble, just say you were with me, it’s all good, c’mon be dangerous for once.” 

     “I did that already and got detention for it!” 

     “Whatever.” 

February 12, 2003 

Dear Diary: 

     Wow. Samson was completely honest with me today and I did not like at all what he had to say. Is that really how everyone sees me? It’s heartbreaking to know that everyone thinks I’m a dirtbag. I’m just wearing what I think is comfortable, I’m not trying to impress anybody… what the heck? I don’t like to conform but maybe he’s right, maybe I do look dirty, and I have been wearing the same clothes for a few years now… So glad I convinced him to get the girls to leave me alone, at least I won’t have to worry about them for awhile. Tomorrow, I’m going to eat lunch with him and his friends, this ought to be interesting. I gotta admit, I’m nervous about it, I feel like I’m still going to get picked on or something. Oh well, good night I guess. 

     Sandra sits at the table with Samson and his friends. “Hi everybody!” She says. 

     “Ugh, hi fatty.” Christy says. 

     “Be nice.” Samson says. 

     “No, the deal was I can’t beat her a*s, you didn’t say anything about having to be nice to the b***h.” 

     “Just-please?” 

     “Whatever.” 

     “Oh, shoot. I forgot my snack.” Sandra says. She gets up and goes to the snack line where she runs into Lois. 

     “Hey, how’s it going so far?” she asks. 

     “Going ok, not much has been said so far.” 

     “They picking on you?” 

     “Little bit, but it’s nothing new.” 

     “Well, I hope things go well for you.” 

     “Thanks, Lois.” 

     “No problem Sandy.” Sandra gets her snack and walks back and sits at the table. 

     “So, I’d uh, just like to say I hope we can be friends.” Sandra says, giving a smile. 

     “Ugh, dork.” Christy mutters. 

     “So- ahem, Samson.” 

     “Yeah Sandy?” Samson says. 

     “I got in trouble for yesterday.” 

     “Did you say you were with me?” 

     “It only lightened my sentence… except at home, at home I got punished.” 

     “You still get grounded? Ha! Wow!” Christy says. 

     “What did you get?” Samson asks. 

     “A month detention, and I’m punished for the whole month. No tv, movies or video games.” 

     “Sorry I guess, but then again, I don’t care much for consequences cause I never have to face any. I’m perfect.” 

     “Yeah, well I do. That’s the last time I’m skipping school.” 

     “Whatever, I ain’t changing my style.” 

     “Eew, that bite of mashed potatoes was chunky, and not in a potato-y way either.” 

February 13, 2003 

Dear Diary: 

     So, I sat with Samson and his friends today. They made fun of me, no surprise there but it was nowhere near as bad as it can be or has been, so I guess I should count myself lucky. Tomorrow is Friday, and Valentine’s Day, I’m so excited! I think I might make Samson and my friends cards or something. I love Valentine’s Day, it’s such a cheery and happy and lovely day! Only two days until the dance, I can’t wait! My mom took me to get a new dress and everything. Even though I’m punished, I’m allowed to go to the dance, but only the dance. I don’t know what time it ends, but I have to text my mom as soon as I find out. That sucks, cause I was totally looking forward to seeing Samson’s house. I bet it’s huge if he’s got an indoor pool. Aw man, why the heck did I have to get punished so close to my chance at spending possibly a night with Samson? I mean, I don’t wanna do anything with him, it’s too early for that, I’m not ready. But this way I could see how he’s really like when he’s not surrounded by his cronies, I could get to know the real Samson. Besides, he’s probably got a bunch of nice guest rooms. Oh, man, I wonder if there’s a game room or something, that would be cool. That’s just my luck, it always happens like that. Every time something good happens, I get excited only for it to be torn away. It seems to happen to me a lot and I hate it. Anyway, at least I still have the dance to look forward to. It’s only a couple blocks away, so we can walk it. Tomorrow should be fun! 

     That Saturday, Sandra is getting ready for the dance. “How do I look Lizzie?” 

     “You look real good, sis.” 

     “Thanks, I hope Samson thinks so too.” 

     “Your handsome date is here, bonita!” Sonia says as she peeks her head into the room. 

     “Thanks, mom. I’ll see you later, Lizzie. She goes downstairs. 

     “Wow, you uh, look real good.” Samson says. 

     “Thanks, you look pretty sharp yourself.” 

     “Are you ready to go?” 

     “Yeah, let’s go.” The leave the house and start walking. “So, um, do you like dating me?” 

     “It’s ok, I guess.” 

     “Oh… just ok?” 

     “Yeah.” 

     “So, it’s not good?” 

     “I didn’t say that.” 

     “Do you think you’ll have fun?” 

     “Sure, it’s a party, why not?” 

“I hope so.” 

     “Are you still coming over my house afterward?” 

     “No, I can’t, I’m punished, remember?” 

     “Does your mom know what time it ends?” 

     “No, but I’m supposed to text her when I find out.” 

     “Or you know, your phone could just ‘die’ and you can come over anyway. C’mon, it’ll just be the two of us, in my pool, alone.” 

     “I don’t know Samson, it’s barely even been a week, we’re only on our first date, could it maybe wait a bit before we go over each other’s houses?” 

     He sighs, “I guess.” They arrive. Samson spots Leo and takes them over there. “Yo- ho- ho! Leo, what you doin here my man?” 

     “I’m here with my girlfriend, she called me cause her date hasn’t shown up for like an hour so far.” She walks up to them. 

     “Have either of you guys seen Sydd?” Marissa asks. 

     “No, I can’t say that I have.” Sandra says. 

     “That f****r better not be here, I can’t stand that scumbag.” Samson says. 

     “Shut the hell up, you’re not helping!” Marissa says. 

     “Sorry, I haven’t seen or heard from him.” Sandra says. 

     “Alright, I’ll try calling him again.” She walks away 

     “So, Sammy, do you wanna dance?” 

     “Yeah, sure. Why not?” They dance, they eat, they talk, they have a good time. “Did you, uh, text your mom?” 

     “No, my phone died.” 

     “You wanna come over?” 

     “Sure, why not? I’m having so much fun with you tonight.” 

     “You uh, wanna leave the dance a little early?” 

     “Sure.” 

     “Alright, lemme give Bimbleton a call real quick, he’ll pick us up.” He takes out his cell phone and makes a call. “He’ll be here in five minutes, seven if there’s traffic.” 

     “Oh, I don’t have my bathing suit with me.” 

     “I’ll buy you one.” 

     “Really?” 

     “Yeah, we’ll stop at the mall on the way home.” 

     “For real?” 

     “Yeah, it’s no big deal.” 

     “Oh, wow! Thank you!” 

     “No probs.” Samson’s chauffer shows up, takes them to the mall, then back to the house. “You can change in there. The pool room is your fifth door on the left after you make a right down that hallway.” 

     “Oh, ok.” She gets changed, and starts walking down the hallway. “Three, four… five?” She opens it and sees Samson’s father sitting in a chair listening to a record and smoking, his chair’s back facing the door. “Oops.” She says as she closes the door. She opens the door next to it. “Five?” She peeks in and sees the pool, and feels the warmth of the temperature in the room, the smell of chlorine in the air. “Ohhhh, wowww!” 

     “Sandy, come on in.” 

     “Wow, this pool is amazing!” 

     “Yeah, we throw one hell of a party in here!” 

     “Oh, man I bet.” 

     “Where’s your, uh, glasses?” 

     “I left them on the table over there. I don’t need them when I’m in the pool.” 

     “Wow, you uh, look pretty without your glasses.” 

     “Oh my, well thank you.” She blushes. 

     “Oh hey, check this out.” He gets out, flips a switch, and it changes the color of the water of the pool. 

     “Whoa, can you keep it on red? It’s my favorite color.” 

     “Sure.” He leaves the switch alone. 

     “That’s amazing.” 

     “Being rich is amazing.” 

     “What’s it like?” 

     “Amazing. I just said that.” 

     “Must be nice.” She says sadly. 

     “It sure is!” He laughs. 

     “What time is it?” 

     “Oh, I don’t know, does it matter?” 

     “Yes.” 

     “Look, why don’t you just spend the night with me here? I’ll just have my parents call your parents and we’ll just say you were too tired to walk.” 

     “Yeah, ok, maybe, I don’t know.” He moves toward her, and gives her a kiss, holding it in place and cradling her head. “Oh, wow, that was much better than last time.” 

     “Come on, stay.” 

     “I don’t know.” 

     “Come on, let’s use our time together to have a little fun.” 

     “What- what do you mean?” 

     “You know what I mean, I wanna mess around.” 

     “Oh, ho no, no.” 

     “What? You’re rejecting me?” 

     “Yeah, I feel really bad, I do, I really want to, but I want to be married before I do anything major and I wanna be at least eighteen before I play with anybody.” 

     “Are you being serious right now?” 

     “Yeah, I’m so, so sorry. I really really want to, so, so bad but I just… I’m sorry. I gotta go.” 

     “Alright. Bimbleton will take you. Bimbleton?” He presses a button on a speaker box. 

     “Yes sir?” Bimbleton responds. 

     “Please take my guest home.” 

     “Yes sir.” 

     “He’ll be waiting out front for you.” 

     “Sure.” 

     “Did you have fun anyway?” 

     “Oh, no doubt. I’m just, I’m just not ready yet, sorry.” 

     “It’s cool.” 

     “Really?” 

     “Whatever.” 

February 15, 2003 

Dear Diary: 

     So, tonight with Samson was pretty interesting. We went to the dance and did that, and I don’t know how, but he convinced me to go to his house and hang out in his pool, which was nice. He even bought me a bathing suit to wear. His house is huge, like oh my goodness. I got kinda lost looking for the pool. When I got there, he changed the color of the water with a light, it was so cool. The whole room and the water was warm, it was relaxing. And then he kissed me, and it was nice, why couldn’t he kiss me like that last time? And then he suggested we fool around, and I had to say no immediately before I started thinking about it. I’m not ready, and I feel really bad for saying no, but I just can’t. When I got home, I used my key to get in and everyone was asleep so I might not get in too much trouble. Probably the only thing I might get in trouble for is not texting my mom what time I was gonna be home. I’m bushed, good night. 

          That Monday, Sandra is at school, when she hears a slam against lockers. She runs towards the sound when she sees a crowd gathered around Sydd choking Samson out. Sandra turns her backpack around, opens it and takes out a book. She slams Sydd over the head with the book until he’s knocked out. Both boys are laying unconscious on the floor. “Someone get the nurse!” She yells as she’s checking to see if they’re both still breathing, they are. She kneels down and strokes Samson’s long hair as the nurse and a student come by. 

     “What happened here?” The nurse asks. 

     “These two were fighting. Sydd was choking Samson out pretty badly so I knocked him out with a book.” The nurse turns to a student. 

     “Run to the office and tell them to call an ambulance.” The kid turns in the other direction. The nurse checks their pulse and breathing, takes out her stethoscope and listens, and the EMT’s arrive. “These two were fighting, this one has a couple of bruises, and this one was asphyxiated, but he seems to have returned to normal breathing. I’m about to notify the parents.” 

     “Ok, we’ve got it from here.” The EMT says as he rolls Sydd out. 

     “Can I go?” Sandra asks. 

     “Me too.” Marissa says. 

     “You have to finish your school day, ladies.” The nurse says. 

     “Please Mrs. Kuzma? We only have study hall left.” 

     “Fine, I’ll sign an office slip for you.” 

     “Thanks.” They each go into the respective ambulances. When they transfer Samson to his bed, he wakes up. 

     “What the f**k happened?” He says. 

     “Sweetie! You’re ok!” Mrs. Alpha says. 

     “Yeah, mom, I’m fine. What happened?” 

     “You and Sydd got into a fight and he choked you out.” Sandra tells him. 

     “Whoa, seriously? Did I at least beat his a*s?” 

     “Um, no. I knocked him out with a book.” 

     “Oh…” 

     “He almost killed you.” 

     “Yeah, yeah, crazy huh?” 

     “Yeah, maybe you should leave him alone to make sure this never happens again.” 

     “I’m starting to think maybe you’re right.” 

     “You don’t want the legend of Samson Alpha to end early, do ya?”  

February 16, 2003 

Dear Diary: 

     Wow, so today, Sydd kicked Samson’s butt. He went nuts and choked him out. I knocked Sydd out with my History book and went to the hospital at Samson’s side. When he woke up, I had to tell him what happened. He thanked me for being there with him, and he dropped me off at home when he left the hospital. Looks like there’s a human inside of Samson after all… 

February 17, 2003 

Dear Diary: 

     I’m so mad right now, I could just. F**k! I’m done with boys for a couple of years, they obviously aren’t nowhere near as mature as I thought or hoped. I’m too pissed off to talk about it right now, but I’m so mad that I actually cursed for the first time today. Ugh! Later!