Chapter Five

When I come out of the house in the morning every morning, Dex is idling in the driveway. He’s asleep with two cups of Starbucks coffee; one half gone and the other full for me.

            I get in the car, slam the door, and watch him jump out of his skin.

            “I really wish you wouldn’t do that, Carter.”

            “I really wish you wouldn’t sit in an idling car. I know you’re outside and you most likely won’t die from poisoning but still.”

            “Thank you for your concern but I’ll die of a heart attack from you slamming that door before I die of carbon monoxide poisoning.”

            “Please. You’re thirty-five.”

            “But I eat a lot of greasy food.”

            He turns and smiles at me before pulling away. I like spending time with Dex because it’s a shadow of what I should have with my father. However, it’s also a shadow of false hope.

            He’s a smooth driver so I take the opportunity and open the little brown paper bag containing my ten creams and ten sugars. I tear off the tops of all ten sugars at once and watch the thousands of tiny crystals freefall into the cup to fulfill their destiny of sweetening whatever it need be. I unseal the creams one at a time and stir twenty times when I’m done. I don’t like losing count.

            “Is the coffee to your heart’s content?”

            “As always. Thanks.”

            “No problem. As always.”

            I smile as the first taste burns my tongue numbing it of flavor for at least a half hour.

            Before I know it, we’re pulling up to the school.

            “Homework done?”

            “Yes, sir.”

            “No boys.”

            I laugh, “Thanks for the ride. See ya’ in eight and a half hours.”

            “Make good choices.”

            “No more Freaky Friday for you.”

            He blows his horn once and is on his way.

            At my locker, I’m loading in the after lunch books and sporadically taking sips of my coffee when I feel a hand on my lower back.

            “Hey there.”

            I remove Julian’s hand, “Hey yourself.”

            How predictable. I put the drink on a shelf in my locker and turn to face him. I try to avoid his dark grey eyes because I love looking into them but if I don’t give him at least some mediocre eye contact, he won’t get it.

            I glare into his proactive face that is smoldering unyieldingly into mine.

            “What, Julian?”

            “I thought we cleared this up on the phone?”

            “I did, too. Especially when I hung up on you.”

            “Talk to me, Ken. What did I do? Why are you so upset?”

            “Seriously?!”

            “I wouldn’t be asking otherwise.”

            I give him a look of disdain, “You know what you did.”

            “If I did, I wouldn’t be asking.”

            “You cheated on me.”

            “We were never together.”

            I laugh disgustedly, “Exactly. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

            I close my locker without looking, forgetting that everything is still in it. I’m trying to escape this conversation and I’m not thinking clearly. I just want to get away from him and his eyes that are starting to break my no nonsense approach.

            “Kendall, I’m serious now. We were never together.”

            “All that hanging out-

            “We grew up together. We were best friends.”

            “All that making out. All that hot and heavy.”

            He falls silent and looks away.

            “You knew I wasn’t just the kind of girl that gets around. You knew I wouldn’t kiss a guy unless I knew it was going somewhere. You knew me too well to assume that I was cool with friends with benefits. And I guess I should’ve seen the changes in you and known you just wanted to get in my pants. We were both stupid. But I won’t be stupid again. Fool me once, Julian. Once."

            “Okay. Maybe you’re right but it wasn’t just about having sex with you. I liked you but I didn’t want a relationship. I should’ve told you.”

            “Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda. But you didn’t.”

            “I’m sorry, Kendall.”

            “Not as sorry as I am. Do you know how it felt to walk into that party I didn't want to go to in the first place and find you there with Phylicia; the same Phylicia who got me in trouble earlier that summer by sending that picture of me and you to my father? I snuck out of the house because I just wanted to be with you. You invited me to that party and because I didn’t go, you decided she would do. That’s when my hell began!”

            “Hell? What’re you talking about?”

            “…Nevermind. I don’t want to be with you, Julian. At all. Ever.”

            “You don’t mean that.”

            “Yes, I do.”

            That’s when he uses his lightning fast quarterback hands to grab my face and kiss me. I’m glad my tongue is still numb from the coffee. I don’t want to taste him otherwise I wouldn’t be able to end this kiss so easily. I push him away.

            “Kendall, I was a jerk. I know. But I want to be with you now.”

            “Now is too late. You should’ve sensed how much I loved you then and loved me back. I needed you after that and you just disregarded me and then you cheated on me. You overlooked that I’d gotten in some serious trouble at home. You let me drown because we weren't a couple and I wasn’t giving it up.”

            I see the confusion on his face and I realize that he’s being sincere.

            “What’s changed, Julian? You haven’t thought about me or talked to me in almost a year and a half.”

            “That’s where you’re wrong. I have thought about you. I think about you when I listen to Evanescence. I think about you when I watch Arthur. I think about you when I watch any anime. I think about you when I see the track and field team. I think about you when I watch and play football. I think about you all the time. It’s all I do.”

            “You thought about me too late!”

            He sighs under his breath and his face is conflicted. What is he up to?

“Not even a chance, huh?”

            Now I’m sighing because I feel myself caving. I gotta end this little talk fast.

            “No. No chance.”

            “Friends then?”

            I shake my head confused, “I’ll think about it.”

            He looks around, gives me a possible nod of understanding (?) and walks away as more kids began to join the river like hallways and form schools of youth within a school of youth.

            I’m about to dive into the river when I remember that I closed my locker with my stuff still inside.

            “What a great beginning to my day,” I say under my breath.

 

            I sit in my chair a bit puzzled at what I’ve just seen. I was going to meet Kendall at her locker but she looked very deep in conversation with whoever that guy was. They looked close and that closeness was confirmed when he leaned in and kissed her.  

            I stayed to watch her push him away but their hushed exchange continued. I don’t know what to think. She claims to be a loner and not trust anyone. And yet, here she is kissing this guy and letting him get a rise out of her.

            Can I ask her about it? Do I tell her I saw it?

            “What’s on ya’ mind, player?”

            Devin’s leaning toward me from his seat to my left and behind me.

            “Nothing. Aye, does Kendall have a boyfriend?”

            “Naw. Why? What’s up?”

            “I saw her talking to some guy and it kind of threw off my mental picture of her because she’s a loner.”

            “What he look like?”

            “Uh,-

            I’m about to get into it when she comes walking in. We lock eyes and she takes her seat without a word. Whatever was said between them has unnerved her.

            “We’ll talk in sixth,” Devin says.

            “Alright, people.  Today is the day. I know you all worked hard on your synopsizes of Romeo and Juliet.”

            He glances briefly at Kendall but she’s not paying attention. She’s zoned out yet again; escaping to her safe place to sort out what I am now calling, “The Talk”. My assessment makes me feel like I’ve known her forever. I’m hoping he doesn’t call her first.

            “Devin. Let’s hear it.”

            “See, now. Why you gotta go and do a brother like that?”

            “Come, Devin. I want to get to some good ones.”

            We all laugh.

            “You got jokes, huh, McCoy?”

            “You got homework, huh, Devin?”

            “You must have had your Starbucks this morning.”

            Mr. McCoy raises his cup, “As a matter of fact, I did.”

            “I can always tell,” Devin smiles.

            “Let’s hear it.”

            “Okay, so the way I see it, see, is that Romeo and Juliet obvious liked drama. They like the attention it brought them.”

            “How do you figure?”

            “What dude and chick willing wants to catch a case?”

            Murmurs of agreement circulate.

            “I think what you meant, Devin was, what man and woman are willing to bring trouble upon their separate households for love.”

            “Yeah,” Devin says though he would never phrase it that way.

            “Okay. I’m following so far. What else you got for me?”

            “That’s the gist of it. There are more fish in the sea and birds in the air. They just wanted to brew up storms, stir of ish, kick up dust and all that. It may have been love but I don’t think it was as deep as Shakespeare led many to believe.”

            “Nice finish, D. Perhaps there’s hope for you, yet.”

            “Don’t flatter me.”

            I give Devin an approving nod and hope he doesn’t call me next. But I gave my opinion yesterday so I’m safe.

            “Kelsey. Let’s hear it.”

            He’s moved on to some girl who, of course, I am unfamiliar with. That’s when Devin gives me a very subtle pssst. I turn to see what he wants and he’s written a bold printed letter that reads, “That’s her” in all caps. I shrug because I haven’t the slightest idea what he means. He motions toward Kendall and then back at Kelsey and puckers his lips. That’s when it hits me. This is the Kelsey who tried to hook up with Kendall.

            Now I’m having a good look at her instead of dismissing her like I’d done initially.

            She’s cute, like an unobvious cute. You could even say she’s hot. She’s got auburn colored hair that curls and molds to shape her face. There’s a portion closes to her face cut short so that it falls into her face enough to bring the green out in her eyes. She’s not pale but her skin is kissed with a touch of pink. It looks flawless and incredibly smooth.  Her lips are a noticeable pink, kissable.

            She’s got a bit of a rocker theme. She’s got three holes in each ear, I assume because I can only see her left side: one stud and two hoops that fold around her ear. And she’s got one of those industrial piercings. Her semi-baggy blue jeans are low-raise and reveal her midriff. The black shirt makes me laugh because it says, “She’s with me” which must piss off whatever objective heterosexual girl she stands next to. Her shoes are black and white Levis which are some of my favorite shoes.

            All in all, she’s pretty good looking. She reminds me of that Runaways girl, Kristen Stewart, which is appropriate considering she played a bisexual in that movie.

            “Well, I kind of agree with Devin and the new kid from yesterday.”

            I smile and shake my head.

            “Their love was selfish. Two individuals over many. So much could have been avoided. Then again, the saying goes, ‘Make love not war’. Verona was full of war so maybe Romeo and Juliet thought their love would bring peace; that it would teach the others that it was within their capacity to look beyond the surface. Either way, no one can really be right about this,” she says dismissing everything she just said with a wave of her hand.

            “That’s why it’s called an opinion. Thank you for sharing yours,” Mr. McCoy states. “Now, Kendall. Would you like to share next?”

            “Of course not,” she mutters.

            I see Kelsey smirk out of the corner of my eye. She still likes Kendall?

            “I know you did the homework. Now, please, I don’t want to have to call your father.”

            Her back becomes tense. What was that?

            “What a low blow.”

            “What are your views of Romeo and Juliet?”

            She sighs and does that thing where she brushes her hair back over her head.

            “I feel that the tragedy that is the end of that wretched beautiful piece of literature was totally avoidable. Romeo and Juliet could have continued on loving one another. They could have left behind that abominable immature populace they called family and thrived elsewhere. They could have lived. But as usual, boys are stupid. I believe that Romeo is at fault for the end that fell upon them.

            “Had he stayed put like Friar Lawrence told him, regardless of the letter that never reached him, things would have been clarified later and he and Juliet could have still been reunited. Romeo’s anxiousness caused him to be so rash and impulsive that he rushed off to see for himself if what Balthasar, mind you, who was not part of the plan, had said was true. He jumped to conclusions after Lawrence assured him that he and Juliet would meet up in the Capulet vault. Romeo, in the end, killed Juliet. It may have been indirectly, but it happened.

            “He allowed a rumor to cloud his judgment and it cost Juliet her life.”

            “How?”

            “She would have had no reason to kill herself if he hadn’t killed himself because he broke protocol to see if she really was dead which she was not. She didn’t have to kill herself in the first place but love is just so…enthralling,” she ends sarcastically.

            The class is silent after her in depth slander of Romeo’s name. She backed up her reason for feeling the way she does but I disagreed.

            “But love is everything.”

            She leans slightly out of our row to get a better look at me.

            “What?”

            I turn to her, “Love is everything. Life cannot exist without love.”

            “I’m not catching a grenade for anyone."

            I hear some people laugh.

            “So you’ve never been in love?”

            “I have. And after having my heart blown out of my chest, after it barely growing back, I’ll pass.”

            “So you’ll blame everyone that comes after him.”

            “I’m not blaming anyone. This is my preference.”

            “Let me rephrase, you’ll deny yourself love and affection because of one jerk.”

            “I don’t see the advantage of putting myself out there again. Can you guarantee that the next one won’t hurt me as well? No, you can’t. All you can promise me are hopes and wishes. You gotta get back on the horse. It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Well, I got news for you, the heart is treacherous and it cannot bee trusted.”

            “Even if the guy has proven himself to you? Even if he’s never hurt you? Even if you know you love him and that he loves you? You would still deny you both each other’s love and affection?”

            “I won’t die for love. I’ll live in spite of it.”

            She’s doing a pretty good job of hiding it but she. Is. Livid. I just drew her out in front of everyone and made her say more than she ever intended. She was trying to find a way out of the assignment. Considering she still had to do it, her new goal was probably to say as little as possible. This was probably the most anyone had ever heard her talk. She was going to make me pay.

            “Okay, guys. Let’s calm down. It was a nice debate. I enjoyed hearing more from you both on the topic. I was hoping your opinion wouldn’t end and I’m grateful to Will for keeping you going but other people have to share their homework with us.”

            “It’s cool. We’re listening to them,” a girl says.

            “Yeah. I’ve never really heard her talk before. Keep it coming,” a boy shares.

            “Her voice is very Sophia Bush. Love it,” Kelsey contributes a little too happily while remaining completely cavalier.

            “Alright, moving on. Mark, let’s hear it.”

 

            What the hell was he thinking? We were supposed to be friends, huh? A real friend would have respected my “no talking in front of non-friends” rule. A real friend wouldn’t have put me out there. I run my hand across the tattoo on my left forearm.

            How dare he put me out there for everyone to see? How dare he put me on display? And now, Kelsey has her eyes on me again. It was hard enough last time, what with her hardcore demeanor, to get her to leave me alone. And now, I was a bleep on her radar yet again. I'm livid but I don’t know what to do. How do I handle it? Do I ditch him forever for totally disregarding what he knows about me? Do I just give him a really good scolding? Do I hit him extremely hard and call us even?

            Not likely. We are not even. Not now that Kelsey has noticed me again. Not that now, in an effort to run off my anger, the track and field coach will be stalking me for the team. The aftermath of today’s treason will linger for some time and I need him to do something for me to make up for that.

            I decide that I’ll control myself when I see him at lunch. I’ll be friendly and try to laugh it off. I want this to work. Still, in Trig, I destroy the in-class work and the homework she gives us. In P.E, I run ten miles in fifty minutes. And in Photography, I relax and get some pretty decent shots of a few of the football players playing around getting ready for the season. Julian saw me there, so he went above and beyond.

            I get to my table and settle in with my homemade lunch of corn beef on rye, plain Ruffles, and an apple juice.

            After one bite into the sandwich, I see Julian and Kelsey approaching at the same time. Kelsey is closer. I stop mid-chew and reflect on my options which are pretty much nonexistent.

            “Hi.”

            I continue to chew politely so I don’t have to answer her.

            “I couldn’t agree more about boys breaking hearts. You seem to feel very strongly about it, too,” Kelsey says confidently.

            Then I realize…oh, God. She’s giving me the “being a lesbian means not getting your heart broken by boys” speech.

            “Only girls know how to really care for each other, ya’ know.”

            I’m pretty sure the look I’m giving her is blank. Someone rescue me.

            “So, I was thinking that maybe we could-

            “Hey, Ken.”

            Right on cue, my old knight in shining armor arrives. His armor looks as though it’s been polished. Last I checked, it was rusty and he wasn’t my knight anymore. What does this new shiny armor mean; that I have a new image of him in my head?

            I swallow my well chewed food, “Hi, J. I mean, Julian.”

            He smiles because I’ve just called him by his friggin’ nickname.

            “Hi, Kelsey.”

            She gives him a reluctant greeting.

            “So, Kendall, I was wondering if you thought about what I said earlier this morning; about us.”

            Kelsey’s face saddens a bit when she realizes that I haven’t converted and wouldn’t be anytime soon or ever. I feel bad but not that bad. I don’t understand why she likes me so much.

            “I’ll see you in class, Kendall,” she mumbles and walks away.

            Julian watches her go.

            “I saw her heading your way. I heard about what happened in English. Word spreads fast and I don’t know if you noticed, but you’re still pretty popular.”

            I shrug. What am I supposed to say to that? That I’m happy to hear that my loner disposition hasn’t affected my social status? That’s not the case at all. It actually kind of annoys me that people still feel the need to elevate me onto a pedestal or to smear my name. It aggravates me that they’re still talking about me despite my being completely and totally unnoticeable. What does a girl have to do to be invisible around here? How I envy you Mia Thermopolis.

            “Hurrah?”

            He laughs and it sounds and feels so familiar that I want to fall for him all over again but I don’t. My heart has healed but it still remembers what he did to it. It won’t relinquish itself to his grip so easily if at all.

            I now see Will heading this way but I don’t know if I’m ready for the two of them to meet yet. However, once again I have no options because Will is here. He looks me in the eyes and I know immediately that he’s sorry for what he did.

            Julian turns slightly and sizes him up. Will doesn’t even acknowledge him. That’s weird. I didn’t peg him as rude.

            “Hey, Will.”

            “So, you’re speaking to me then?”

            Julian finds this question intriguing but he tries to hide his interest.

            “Yeah. Um, Will, this is Julian. Julian, this is Will.”

            “What’s up?” Julian greets.

            “What down?” Will greets back, I think.

            They’re facing each other now, taking the other in. This is what I wanted to avoid but Julian will try to stake his claim now that he’s softened me up and Will is going to try to protect me from Julian if he thinks he’ll hurt me in any way. Basically, Will is my new best friend. He can sense that something’s off about me but he doesn’t know what it is. So if he can keep me from being emotionally harmed any further, he will.

            It’s kind of awkward now. I won’t be able to be around them at the same time. Who will I choose? That shouldn’t even be a question if you take into account my history with Julian and a lack thereof with Will.

            “Julian, I need to talk to Will alone.”

            “That’s cool. Will I be hearing from you?”

            I sigh heavily. It seems like I’m doing that a lot lately.

            “Sure.”

            “All I ask.”

            He walks away somewhat hesitantly and Will takes a seat.

            “Now, Kendall, I know you’re pissed about what went down in class but-

            “Yeah, I was pissed but I’m over it now.”

            “…Really?”

            “Yeah. You were just expressing yourself like I was. Though, you chose a rather inappropriate time for me for you to do it.”

            “Oh. Well, I guess that’s settled.”

“Yup. It is.”

“So, I was thinking about going out for the football team this year.”

            I choke on the juice I’d been about to swallow.

            “Are you okay?”

            He’s half standing in case I need some assistance which I think I do.

            After my hacking has calmed and I’ve caught my breath he relaxes again.

            “Is it really that shocking? I was hoping that, due to you being the little sister of his success stories, that you had some pull with the coach and you could get me a try out.”

            “You want some type of advantage, huh? Are you not confident in your skills?”

            “It’s not that. I don’t know.”

            “The funny thing about all this and your interest is that not only were my brothers his success story but they got his new success story ready before they left.”

            “I’m not following.”

            “Julian and I grew up together. We were best friends. Due to that, he was around my brothers a lot and they played around a lot and trained together. So by the time Julian got in high school he was a top ranked quarterback in California. That’s pretty big from little league and so forth. He was put on varsity almost right away when he got here.”

            This seemed to disappoint Will.

            “Not only do I have pull with the coach, I have pull with the quarterback. You’ll make the team. That’s a promise. What position do you play?”

            “Wide receiver.”

            Ouch. My “ex” and possible new best friend slash possible boyfriend playing two of the most crucial positions in football? When he made the team, I would be a strain on their team work. What was I supposed to do then? Hope for the best? I love football about the same as my brothers and there is no way I’d jeopardize the game for some boys and their possessiveness. But would I ditch Will for football?

            “What’re you thinking about it?”

            I open my mouth to speak but he cuts me off.

            “The truth or nothing at all.”

            I smirk, “You have the nerve to make a demand when you betrayed me in class?”

             He smiles so big I question if it’s genuine.

            “You’re right.”

            “I know I’m right.”

            And as though the smile was never there, he goes serious again.

            “But I really want to know. You seem to think so deeply and thoroughly about everything. I would love to know how your thought process works.”

            “You couldn’t keep up if I told you.”

            “Try me.”

            “Why do you always get so intense with me? One minute, you’re easy going. The next, you’re so extreme. I’m beginning to think you’re bipolar.”

            “I’m just tryna figure you out.”

            “Don’t. Just be patient with me.”

            He smiles softly and his gaze tracks down Julian.

            “Hey, don’t worry about Julian.”

            “Why should I be? What you do with him is your business. It’s not like we’re dating or anything.”

            I find it interesting that he would say that.

            “Julian and I are…I don’t know what we are.”

            “Friends? More?”

            He seems hurt by what he’s saying. Am I losing my touch? Can I no longer spot when a guy is coming on to me?

            “I don’t know what we are but we’re definitely not more than friends.”

            “Are you sure about that?”

            I narrow my eyes scornfully at him, “What’re you getting at? Why don’t you just say it?”

             “I mean, where I’m from, when people make out, it means they definitely are more than friends.”

            I feel myself blush instantly. I was actually partially hoping Will wasn’t anywhere around when that happened. I was acutely aware that our lockers were near each others. I thought I’d been fortunate that Will was nowhere to be found after that encounter with Julian. I know that I like Will but he doesn’t like me (at least I don’t think) so I wasn’t too troubled by the prospect that he might see us. But if he did like me or might like me in the future, I didn’t want that kiss coming back to haunt me.

            Then again, what was I thinking? That kiss and everything that Julian said had me thinking about what was and what may still be. It was just as likely that I wouldn’t want Julian thinking anything was going on between me and Will in the hopes that he and I could pick up where we left off.

            Am I involved in a love triangle? I think I am. It’s official.

            “That wasn’t us being more than friends. That was Julian trying to rekindle something that is pretty much obsolete.”

            “So you feel nothing for him?”

            “Why should that matter to you? It’s not like you have feelings for me or anything, right?”

            He doesn’t answer right away but he keeps his composure enough to say that he doesn’t have feelings for me. He’s lying but so am I by not telling him I have feelings for him as well.

            “I’ll talk to the coach after school and Julian in class tomorrow. You just work on concealing your derision for Julian. When it comes time for you to be around him more, you’re going to have to act natural.”

            “I thought you were going to talk to him.”

            “He can help get you on the team. But he also can not throw to you. You’ll need to get along with him; like him even.”

            I can see that he doesn’t like the notion of having to be friends with Julian.

            “You don’t know Julian. Why do you dislike him?”

            “The guy’s practically begging for your forgiveness. He did something to you that makes him not likeable. And I like you very much so as your friend I’m obligated to think the worst of whomever hurts you.”

            I’m taken aback by this stand in my honor. I don’t trust anyone but it seems like if there is anyone I can trust, its Will. Just when I think I’ve got him figured out.

            “Tell me, please.”

            “Don’t beg, Will. It’s not at all gratifying.”

            He c***s his head to the left.

            “I was just thinking…that I can trust you. You might be the only one in this school who deserves my trust and to know me for all that I am.”

            He rubs the back of his neck. “What does this mean for me?”

            “It means, that maybe instead of thinking so much around you, I’ll just say what’s on my mind.”

            “I like the way that sounds.”

            “But don’t expect me to tell you everything right away.”

            “I don’t. Your trust is more than enough.”

            “Now, you have to promise me something.”

            “Anything.”

            “You have to get along with Julian.”

            He looks as though he smells something foul.

            “Will, please. I’m almost positive that Julian isn’t going to hurt me again.”

            “Almost.”

            “I can’t know for sure but he appears to be sincere.”

            “Appears.”

It’s my turn to c**k my head to the left.

“I’ll try.”

            “Don’t try. Do it. This is your career. My brothers didn’t like a lot of guys on the team but you wouldn’t know it. They knew that they were going their separate says after graduation and that the only time they’d probably see those guys again was on the field playing for different teams. You have three years to deal with Julian. I believe you’re capable of keeping your composure.”

            “Don’t try to smooth talk me.”

            I smile at him. The first one that feels natural.

            “You should smile more often,” he says as he reaches across the table and lightly strokes my face.

            It doesn’t feel weird, though. Actually, it feels so natural that I bring my hand up to his and hold it there. His skin is so warm and soft it’s hard to believe he’s a boy, a boy who plays football. I close my eyes and wish this moment would never end. I’m too scared to open them to see his reaction.  Am I being strange? Am I making it obvious that I haven’t had any real physical contact from the opposite sex in two years?

            The bell rings but I don’t want to let him go. The feeling must be mutual because while I hear the other kids slowly pilling out of the lunch room, Will just sits there with me. Waiting with me. In the moment with me.

                

Reviews

[Samantha Lynn]

It just gets better and better!!!! lol XD

"they knew they were going their separate says after graduation..." says=ways????