Chapter Sixteen: What I wouldn't do for you.

After having finished two whole cigarettes, we put the rest of MiKey's things away. It felt so amazing to have him back for good and to know that our lives were starting. We lay on the bed for a little while; it had only been a half an hour since we left my dad to order the pizza. MiKey laid his head on my chest and absently rubbed his hand up and down my rib cage for a while before he fell asleep. I didn't want to move and wake him, but my stomach was to the point of practically yelling at me an hour after my dad told us he would tell us when it was time to eat. But as much as I wanted to move and go ask him…I stayed were I was. I glanced down to see his face calm and peaceful as he slept. The darkness was gone when he slept. He was so beautiful, so perfect. His strong jaw bone was just strong enough so that his face shape was incredibly handsome and his jaw was a slight square although his chin came down to a cute a little point. And even still his jaw was rounded just enough to be perfect. His brow bone wasn't harsh but strong and it curved down into a beautifully wide nose. Not so wide that it was noticeable but just enough to be handsome. And his mouth…god his mouth. His lips were plump, his bottom one more so than his top. His mouth was wide; more than his nose and when he smiled it spread across his face like some god. He made me ache but I had him. I had this godlike boy and he was all mine. I heard some short quick knocks on the door.

"Angel, you boys decent?" My dad's voice came through the closed door.

"Shut up dad, come in." He opened the door smiling.

"Pizza's here." He said.

"Okay, let me just wake up MiKey. We'll be down in a minute." He nodded and closed the door behind himself. I looked down at MiKey, sleeping soundly.

"MiKey." I shook him slightly, the kid slept like a rock. "MiKey." I said again. He moved a little and hugged himself closer to me. I laughed and shook him again.

"MiKey!" I yelled. He woke up with a startle.

"What? S**t. You scared me." I laughed again.

"Pizza's here. You can sleep if you want to, but I'm so hungry I can't promise there will be any left." He smiled and rubbed his eyes.

"No, no, I'm coming." I smiled and hopped off the bed and he followed me.

"Ugh, I have a headache." He said as he climbed off of the bed and hopped to his feet. His tail drug the ground behind him. I grabbed his hand, pulled him forward, and kissed his forehead.

"Wanna take something for it?"

"Nah, I think it's just because I need to eat something."

"Alright, whatever you think." I twined my fingers in his; he cast his eyes to the ground. After a very short moment, he turned and threw his arms around my stomach and shoved his face into my chest. I was a little shocked at first, not expecting him to hug me. I didn't question it; I just simply laid my arms around his shoulders and rested my chin in between his big wolf ears. He held me for a while, tightly, and it wasn't until I heard a sniffle that I pulled away.

"What's wrong?"  I asked softly, my arms still around him. He looked up at me with some tears on his face. He just shook his head. I didn't ask again. I didn't make him tell me. He didn't owe me an explanation but he did need me hold him and that I was able to do. He pulled away from me and smiled.

"Come on." He pulled me through the door.

When we made our way down to the kitchen my dad was standing there chomping on a piece of pizza and drinking a glass of milk.

"Hello boys." I put my hand on MiKey's lower back noticing he was becoming uncomfortable.

"Hey." MiKey said and nervously smiled.

"You are uncomfortable around me. I can tell." My dad said, wiping his hands on a napkin, almost as if he could had read MiKey's mind. MiKey just bit his lip and shrugged his shoulders.

"Dad, come on." I said.

"No Angel. He's nervous around me. I understand, but I want you to feel comfortable around here. I mean, the way it looks, you're gonna be stuck with me for a while." MiKey laughed a little, not knowing what else to say. I hoped up on the barstool and motioned for MiKey to join me. He sat next me with an awkward smile and a shaking leg.

"Well, y-you know…it's a little weird." He stumbled on his words a bit. I couldn't contain my smile at his cute quivering voice. My dad handed him a plate with pizza on it and then handed me one.

"How so," My dad replied before taking a bite. MiKey took a small bite and took his time chewing it before answering.

"I don't know. I just assumed you wouldn't like me. I mean…I am the kid who is keeping your son from dating girls and…being normal." He sounded out carefully trying not to stumble or say the wrong thing. My dad sighed and took another bite.

"I understand why you would think that. And to be honest at first…I didn't like you. I found reasons not to. But Angel, well…he cared so much about you I didn't see the point in trying to force myself not to like you. I thought that is what I was supposed to do. I thought I was supposed to dislike and be against your relationship, but I don't really see the point in that. Do you?" MiKey smiled a little and shook his head.

"No. I don't." Then he continued to eat. I looked at my dad and he looked at me, and then gave me a smile I knew I would never forget.

 

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"MiKey…" I whispered in his big wolf ear. I was laying across the bed with my feet hanging over the edge. It was six thirty in the morning and MiKey did not want to wake up. He batted a hand at me, it grazed my cheek. I smiled.

"MiKey…" I drew it out this time and extended my hand out to reach across his stomach to tickle his side. He jumped slightly and groaned.

"No." I smiled bigger and tickled him again this time a little more.

"MiKey, it's time to wake up. Come on sleepy head." He jumped again and grabbed my hands with his. He smiled huge but didn't open his eyes.

"Nooo. I don't want to. You can't make me." I laughed, hopped over him, straddled him, and leaned down to press my lips to his. He reciprocated with a light kiss then pulled away.

"What if I told you…I made pancakes and bacon? Would you wake up then?" He opened one eye.

"Pancakes?" I laughed. He leaned up and kissed me again, a smile on my face.

"Yes," I mumbled against his lips. "I made you breakfast but you have to come eat. I am not bringing it to you." He laid back and stretched before looking at me.

"B***h." He said playfully. I scoffed but before I could respond him threw me off of him and jumped off the bed.

"Hey!" I yelled.

"Catch me!" He said back before running through the door and belting down the stairs. I jumped up and ran after him my feet almost slipping on the hardwood floor. He had just gotten to the bottom of the stairs when I grabbed him by the waist and lifted his feet from the ground. He let out a yell of surprise then started to laugh.

"Gotcha." I said. As soon as his feet touched the ground he turned and jumped up on me, wrapping his legs around my waist.

"Oh god," I huffed as I tried to keep my footing. "Was not expecting that."

"You like it." He said and kissed me. I loved the feel of his lips against mine.

"That is beside the point," I said as I walked forward a few steps and set him on the island in the middle of kitchen. The food was sitting there, all prepared and pretty. I had orange juice and pancakes with syrup and bacon on the side. He didn't disconnect from me without first kissing me one last time.

"Mmm, looks freaking amazing." He said as I sat on the barstool next to where he sat on the island top.

"It better, I only woke my a*s up a half an hour earlier just to cook this gourmet, five star meal." He laughed.

"Now, now. I wouldn't go that far." I punched his arm as he piled food on his plate and drenched it in syrup. He took a bite and moaned.

"Mmm." I burst out laughing at him.

"It's not sex. Calm down." He smiled showing me his food. I laughed harder.

"No, it's food. It beats sex."

"Stop." I was laughing so hard I couldn't catch my breath.

"Just kidding." He said. "Nothing beats…f*****g you." He winked at me. I smiled really big and put my mouth near his ear.

"Think so?" I bit my lip and he turned to press his lips to mine. I reciprocated, getting up, standing between his legs, and gripping his short hair in my hands. He blindly set his plate on the counter top and threw his arms around my middle. I opened my mouth against his tasting sweet syrup and a hint of morning breath. I didn't mind it. In fact, I enjoyed it. I kissed him hard, our noses touching and tongues working together. It made me sigh hard and let out a soft moan. We continued to kiss like that; I pulled away for a second and then tilted my head the opposite way kissing him again. I loved his breath against mine. I couldn't think of anything better.

"Ahem." I heard my dad clear his voice behind us. I pulled away from MiKey with a trail of saliva still connecting us. He smiled and blushed before wiping it away. I sat back on the barstool and proceeded to make myself a plate a smile on my face still. My dad walked over adjusting his tie.

"Keep the PDA to minimum boys," He smiled and winked at me. "What do we have here?" I cleared my throat and MiKey picked his plate back up.

"Um, I made some breakfast. I can't guarantee it is all that good but hey, I tried. And you can't really go off this pig over here, he eats anything." MiKey opened his mouth as far as he could to show me all the chewed up food.

"Ew! Gross!" He closed his mouth and laughed.

"Well, it looks better than anything else I could have made. I am going to have to scarf it down though; I think I am going to be late. F*****g nurses always b***h at me." I took a bite and glanced at MiKey to see him looking at me. I poked his belly. My dad proceeded to make a plate, eat very quickly, then grab his keys and leave the house yelling goodbye as he went. MiKey continued to finish his breakfast and I just smiled knowing if felt good to have a normal morning for once in my life.

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When we arrived at school with backpacks in hand and other assorted things, I felt this sense of comfort mixed with something else… maybe pride. I was proud to have MiKey and I was proud to not be afraid of showing him to everyone. It felt so good to know I had someone to love the way I did and no one else would ever understand. MiKey walked around the car and nervously took my hand. I twined my fingers with his. He sighed out.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we proceeded to take the next few steps to the building.

"Nothing, I am just nervous. I don't know. I have a bad feeling." I nudged him softly and leaned down to place a kiss to his forehead.

"Don't be okay? It's going to be fine."  He leaned into my side and I couldn't describe how good it felt to have that contact. I wanted to kiss him but before I could stop we were already at the door. When I walked in the building, my hand in MiKey's, I walked us passed the cafeteria hoping to not get too many stares. MiKey was nervous enough as it was. Unfortunately, we did get stares. Candy's whole table stared daggers at us. MiKey just kept walking.

"They f*****g hate us, you know that, right?" I cleared my throat and stopped at my locker, leaning against it. We only had a few minutes until the bell would ring.

"Don't worry about them. They don't matter." MiKey pulled me from the locker and leaned against it instead, pulling me to stand in front of him protectively.

"I know they don't matter." I smiled slightly. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek but refrained from actually kissing him. They didn't matter but I wanted to avoid unnecessary attention to us. It's one thing to avoid them; it was another to piss them off. I glanced at my phone, and as soon as I did, the bell rang. People started to flood the hall.

"What class do you have first baby?" He thought for a moment.

"Um, art I think." Before I could reply, someone had walked by and shoved me in the back. I fell forward and almost landed on MiKey, I slapped my hands on the locker above his head to keep from crashing into him. I turned quickly without another thought.

"Hey!" I yelled fuming.

"What are you going to do f****t?" I grit my teeth about to lunge at him. But, then I remembered what my dad had told me. They weren't worth it. What I had told MiKey, they didn't matter. "I see your little c**k sucker is back." I almost lunged again but MiKey grabbed my hand.

"You're not f*****g worth it." I forced out between clenched teeth. He just walked away with a 'whatever.' I stood for a moment and let myself calm down a fraction. I turned to MiKey and slung my bag over my shoulder.

"I'm going to walk you to class. Come on." He nodded silently knowing that saying anything to me was just going to make me even madder. If he said something about it, I would run back there and beat the s**t out of the kid. I grabbed his hand again softly and forced a small smile. He smiled too. His art class was just down the hall. He hugged me before going in.

"I love you." I said.

"I love you." He smiled.

"Come to my locker between your classes okay?" He nodded and walked into the classroom. I sighed.

The day drug on. It seemed like it wasn't going anywhere. All my classes were agonizing. I daydreamed a lot about being with MiKey. I wanted to be in my big bed just relaxing or f*****g, either one sounded like a good idea to me. I wanted to be anywhere but in school actually. In between classes, MiKey would meet me at my locker just so I could see that no one had hit him or tried to hurt him. He said no one even said anything to him. MiKey was in a lot of the smart classes with kids who didn't care about anything but their studies. I knew they wouldn't care about MiKey. So, I felt a lot better about it.

I was so relieved to see that MiKey had the same lunch period as me. He met me at the lunch table with a tray and sat down close to me. I smiled at him wanting to kiss his soft lips so bad. But, there were people staring at us. I couldn't remember it being that bad when MiKey was there the last time. I assumed that they had forgotten about me waylaying on the kid that picked on MiKey. I wasn't going to stand for any s**t though so I kept my eyes open.

"You're not going to eat?" He asked, putting a french fry in his mouth.

"No, I don't think so. I'm not too hungry right now." He just nodded and proceeded to eat.

"Do you remember them being this bold last time you were here?" I asked after a while of silence. I casually put my hand on this thigh.

"No. Last time you had punched the lights out of that kid. They didn't want to f**k with you. But it seems like they want to do something." I nodded a little bit looking over at Candy's lunch table. All of the guys there were talking and Candy was hanging on one of them.

"Yeah, that is what I was thinking. I don't know. I just hope they don't try anything, I swear I will f*****g hurt them. Especially, if they lay a hand on you. God, I hate this."  He nudged me a little with his shoulder.

"Hey now, don't worry about it until happens okay. I hope it doesn't either but you can't dwell on it you know? Let's just hope that we can get through this day uneventfully." I sighed out and nodded.

"Yeah, you're right. I love you." I said. He smiled at me and I swear I almost kissed him again.

"I love you too." MiKey ate for a while and didn't say much. I was okay with that. I watched as Candy's table kept looking over at us and then looking away. It was making me uncomfortable again. I could feel this weird anger rise up in me but I couldn't quite explain it. It was something I had never felt before. The anger I felt was deep and unsettling. I wanted it to stop but it wouldn't. Then one of them stood up and went to throw their stuff away. He disappeared for awhile and I had forgotten about it, trying my hardest to make the anger go away; trying to swallow my nervousness. It wasn't until he walked up behind us that I had remembered. He had an open soda in his hand and when he walked by, he dumped some of it in MiKey's tray all over his food.

"Whoops." He said in a snide remark. I bolted up in front of him. MiKey pushed his tray away. A bit splashed on him.

"Angel." MiKey whispered, his voice holding an air of disappointment and nervousness.

"What the f**k do you think you are doing?" The kid which I couldn't quite place in my mind, (I figured he was a new friend of Candy's little group) backed up a little and raised his eyebrows as well as his hands in mock defense.

"It was an accident." But he smiled a little and I could hear the cockiness in his voice. He smiled over at Candy's table.

That anger I had felt just became stronger. I glanced over at the table and some of them were laughing. I started to fume, clenching my fist together; my heart rate rising. I could feel my heartbeat in my temples.

"Apologize." I hissed between clenched teeth. He raised one eyebrow like he was confused.

"Excuse me? I don't have to do s**t you tell me too."

"Apologize … now." I forced out again, this time with more of a bite.

"Angel." MiKey said again. He had now turned to look at me with pleading eyes. I could tell he was scared I was going to snap. I could tell he wanted me to let it go but for some reason I couldn't let it go. I ignored him.

"Listen to your little f****t." I started to feel the hate rise up in my throat. I was about to explode.

"I suggest apologizing or regretting. You f*****g choose and you better do it quickly." My voice felt distant and not my own. He rolled his eyes.

"F**k you man, I am not doing s**t you say. What the f**k are you going to do about it? Huh? I don't see you hitting me. I mean come on a f*****g fairy hitting…me." I turned around slightly and quickly found I couldn't take it and I certainly couldn't control myself. MiKey stood up next me.

"Angel, don't do this." He warned again. He tried to touch my hand but I shouldered him off not able to take hearing his voice.

"Stay out of this f*****g cocksucker. He isn't going to do s**t." I tried my hardest not to turn around and hit him.

"What are you going to do f****t?" He asked me again. I couldn't stop myself as I rotated quickly and cocked my fist. I couldn't stop myself as I swung it hard and crashed it into his face. I was so angry though that I couldn't see much of anything and the blow didn't affect him much. His nose did start to bleed slightly. I immediately felt better even though I wished the impact would have been more. Before I could hit him again he raised his fist and swung down. I braced myself for the hit knowing it wasn't going to be pleasant. But instead of hitting me, his fist came down on MiKey, hitting him directly in the mouth, knocking him back a few steps. The crack of knuckles against teeth was distinct and it made me bite down on my lip so hard I thought I would break the skin. MiKey's hands went up to cradle his face. I turned to him quickly and grabbed his face in both of my hands. I looked at him.

"S**t." I heard MiKey say. His hand at his mouth found an alarming amount of blood there all of the sudden. The kid whose name I still did not know had backed up a little.

"Are you okay?" I asked in a whisper. He nodded with blood on his lips.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Please don't hurt him Angel. Please. I've taken a hit before. It wouldn't be the first one." He whispered to me. Those words made it worse. I wasn't going to let anyone hurt him. I kissed him on the lips, his blood smearing onto my mouth.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you going to do about it?" The kid said once more. Then, I lunged at him. So fast I couldn't even feel as my feet left the ground and I tackled him to the ground. The feeling rose up in me so hot and angry I just wanted to kill him. I wanted to hurt him so bad. My vision was just a flash of red as he landed on his back with 'oomph' and I straddled him, my fist immediately going to his face. One fist to his jaw. The only sound that was comprehendible was MiKey's voice.

"Angel, stop! You're not helping anything by hurting him!" MiKey yelled and some girl near us squealed as we fell next to her. Along with that was the sound of my knuckles colliding with his bones and scraping against his skin. I couldn't even feel the impact and it was so quick as soon as my left fist was pulled back, my other fist was in his nose again, enough impact to hear a crack. Then in his eye. He faintly tried to hit me again but didn't get anywhere. His feet kicked underneath me. Everyone else was faded and I couldn't really see anything, I just kept hitting him until I felt two people hooking their arms around my mine and pulling me from him.

"Break it up!" I stood as my feet touched the ground, my knuckles screaming at me and bleeding. They continued to hold me back as someone else helped the other kid up, his face was draining blood and he held it down toward the ground.

"What is the problem here?" One of the teachers yelled.

"He… he just at-attacked me…" The kid grunted out barely able to speak.

"Bull s**t! I warned you! I gave you an opportunity to walk away! You should have never laid your hands on MiKey that was your own f*****g fault! You should have never touched him!" They didn't stand around; they immediately escorted me into the principal's office. Someone helped MiKey and escorted him to the office also. They sat us in the chairs in front of the principal's desk. Most of the teachers left but one of them stayed, he was my history teacher. We sat there silently for a while. My anger started to die down and my leg started to shake nervously. A dull pain started in my hands and wouldn't quit.

"I'm sorry." I said to MiKey lowly after a moment. "S**t, I am so sorry." He looked over at me.

"It's okay Angel." His voice was anything but okay. He was disappointed with me and it was the worst feeling I could possibly imagine. It wasn't okay, he wasn't okay. I shook my head.

"No it's not. Oh god, I tried my hardest not to hit him but he wouldn't leave you alone. God, then he hit you and I lost it. I tried so hard not to hit him…" He wiped some more blood from his face. I reached over and wiped some of the blood off of his lip softly and looked at him with regretful eyes. I should have listened to him.

"It's okay." He said softly.

"It's best if you two don't say anything for now. You have all gotten yourselves in huge trouble." I just nodded and stayed quiet until the principle came in. He made a show of shaking his head and sitting in his chair with his hands on the table top. He sighed and shook his head again.

"What happened here?" He asked, leaning forward in a businesslike manner, his voice stern.

"Do you want my story? Or is that rhetorical?" I asked, trying my hardest not to sound arrogant.

"Yes, I want your story, and I want you to be respectful or I am not going to be too forgiving." I looked down and clenched my fist in my jeans, realizing that making a fist was the only thing that made the pounding in my knuckles lessen. My middle finger on my right hand was pulsating so hard it felt like it was going to just fall off. 

"This kid walked by and deliberately dumped soda onto MiKey's tray. I stood and told him to apologize." The principle nodded.

"Are you sure it wasn't an accident?" I rolled my eyes.

"Come on everyone knows we are together, he did it to piss me off."

"Language, young man." I huffed again. "So you say he dumped soda on Michael's tray and you asked him to apologize, what happened from there?"

"Then, instead of apologizing he antagonized me, calling me a f****t and things like that. He was smiling and making me angrier with every word and then he called MiKey a co- bad…word, and I lost it. I raised my fist and hit him. I expected him to hit me back but when his fist came down on MiKey, I lost the last bit of restraint I had and I tackled him okay?" The principle nodded. He sighed again.

"Violence is never the answer." I sighed out frustrated.

"Look you know MiKey's history. I know that you know his history and I wasn't going to stand for anyone hitting him or hurting him in anyway. I am not going to apologize for trying to protect him!" I raised my voice to higher level.

"Calm down Benjamin. I understand where you are coming from and I understand you were your trying to protect Michael but you know that violence is not the way to do that. You know that its policy that if a student is to show violence they must me expelled. Because it was a bit of self defense and given the circumstances…three days. Go home, think about it and come back to school when your temper is under control." I sat back defeated.

"That is bullshit." He looked at me sternly.

"I can make it longer if you'd like. And unfortunately Michael you are expelled also. I regret to have to do that but since you were all in the same argument it goes without saying that you all are going to be punished." MiKey just nodded.

"Okay." He said quietly.

"So, what? We just leave?" He nodded again.

"I will make a phone call to your father who no doubt in my mind will be upset about this. You are dismissed." I stood, MiKey did to, and I grabbed his hand as we left the office.

"Boys!" He said sternly. I let go of his hand and rolled my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I said again as we walked to our classes to get our stuff. The bell had rung already and everyone was in class. MiKey grabbed my hand when were out of sight of the principal's office.

"Why didn't you just listen to me?" He asked. I raised his hand to my mouth and kiss it, then let it drop. My hand pulsated.

"I don't know. I…I couldn't think." MiKey didn't say anything else he just walked silently beside me his tail in his hands near his chest.

When we got in the car, I closed my door and buckled my seat belt. Putting the key in the ignition, I started it and leaned my head on the steering wheel.

"Angel?" MiKey asked. I raised my hand up slightly as if to say don't say anything. He just stayed quiet. With my head against the wheel and my arms covering my face I took some deep breaths, fighting off the urge to cry. I wasn't so upset about the fact that I had hit the guy I was more upset about the fact that I couldn't control myself. It scared me. I wished so much that I would have listened to MiKey. I felt as if I had betrayed him. The tears prickled my eyes and I felt his gaze on me. I sniffled some and a moment later I felt his hand on my shoulder blade.

"Angel." I turned as quickly as possible and hid my face in his chest as a sob escaped my mouth. I fought breaking down and crying but I couldn't stop as one more single sob left me. Then I cried. I cried for a while against him, he had soon wrapped his arms around me and put his hands in my hair. I clutched at his shirt, needing something, anything from him and I knew I would get it if I just held onto him a little longer. His body heat comforted me and I felt safe in his arms. I calmed down just enough to enjoy his small embrace and take a sigh of relief. He wasn't mad at me.

"Angel, say something." His voice was surprisingly deep and I suddenly realized how much I loved it. I loved his deep voice that was surprising coming from because he was so tiny. I loved that, and I loved the feel of his arms being around me. I felt like I was at my peak of consumption of his love and I never felt more comfortable in my life.

"I love you. I need you. I- I need you." He pulled my face up to his and he kissed me hungrily. He opened his mouth against mine and I tasted his blood that came from the gash in his lip. It either came from him or it came from mine when I had kissed him earlier. I felt like the small one this time around. I felt like the one that needed the kiss this time and I melted against him as our tongues touched lightly. My eyes closed easily, the warmth from his touch and the giddiness of the feel of him made my head light. When he pulled away, I hugged him.

"I love you too Benjamin Angel. I love you."

 

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When we arrived at my house and walked through the door, my dad was there to greet us. He sat at kitchen table with a first-aid kit. I frowned and sat down. MiKey followed slowly.

"How did you know you would need that?" I asked. He sighed and motioned for me to give him my hands.

"You don't think I know my own son? I was just like you when I was younger if you can believe it." He examined my hands.

"Why, Angel? Why did you do this?" I didn't say anything. "No one at the hospital was happy with me when they found I was leaving for the day because my son was in a fight at school." I looked away from him as he moved my hands and moved my fingers one by one. When he got to my left hand, my middle finger, he wiggled it and I hissed through clenched teeth.

"Oh my god!" I jumped slightly in my seat.

"It's not broken, but it's bruised. Not much that can be done. I have to clean the busted knuckles. This is going to hurt so brace yourself." He wiped the blood off of them very gently and then poured peroxide on them. That wasn't the bad part. After he wiped them one more time, he grabbed this spray bottle of spritzing antibiotic medicine he had gotten from work. It burned like fire. I groaned out and shook my leg agonizingly.

"Ow! Oh my god it burns." He nodded.

"You are guaranteed to not get infected." After a few seconds the pain started to go away and I was just left with a slow pulsating pain in my knuckles. He took a hold of my hand and poked at my bone one more time to assure it wasn't broken. I whimpered out as the sharp and almost aggressive pain hit me. He set my hand down on the table slowly and turned to MiKey.

"What happened to you?" MiKey had this look in his eyes like was disappointed with himself. None of it was his fault though.

"Um, that kid… he punched me in the mouth. But I think it’s fine you know? I have been hit harder before." I felt some tears come to my eyes. He wasn't supposed to ever be hit again.

"Let me see." My dad touched his lower lip by the cut, poking and prodding.

"Yeah, you're right. It'll heal pretty quickly. Luckily your tooth didn't go through your lip." We all sat quietly for a while. Then my dad spoke again.

"Angel, what did I tell you?" Tears welled up and I couldn't stop them from spilling over.

"Dad I couldn't h-help it. I felt like I lost all of my control. I don't understand. I mean, I kept on looking over at Candy's table and saw them laughing and it pissed me off, so much in fact that I could feel my chest getting tight and I just wanted to make them stop. When the one guy came over and deliberately spilled his soda all over MiKey's tray something in me snapped. I mean come on. MiKey told me stop and I didn't even consider what he was saying, I just god…I just became so angry. No one has the right… they don't have the right…" I stopped to breathe. MiKey leaned his head down some and didn't say anything.

"When he didn't respond to me about apologizing, I snapped the rest of the way. I just broke and hit him. After that I felt like my anger was gone. I braced myself for a hit but when his fist came down on MiKey, I didn't even think about snapping or anything, I just lunged and kept hitting until they pulled me off of him. I feel like I lose my control too easily. I feel dangerous.” I admitted with a heavy regret. More tears fell but I ignored them this time. MiKey raised his hand slowly and wiped some of the tears away. He made me look him in the eyes.

"You're not dangerous. Look at you." He whispered. Then he dropped his hand and I covered my face with my hands.

"Angel," My dad said softly. "You are not excused from this okay? But, in my professional opinion from my time in pediatrics, I've seen this before. From the times you've punched holes in the wall, gotten so angry you sob, to almost killing someone… and the time you said you were going to kill yourself…" I flinched slightly at that. I had just missed MiKey so much and I was so angry with myself when I said those things. MiKey looked at me shocked.

"Your point?" I said in a quietly.

"My point…is that I think you could have an anger disorder. I've done plenty of research and I wouldn't bring it up if I weren't sure. I am telling you this because I've seen how you act when you get upset and how much stress it puts on you. I feel knowing you have anger issues, will help you out significantly, Angel. It will help you calm down." I scoffed.

"I don't have anger issues." MiKey glanced at me, almost like he was saying, really? "Every time I have hurt someone or put a hole in the wall, I've had a legitimate reason. I don't just hurt people like those people who have anger disorders okay? I don't just randomly hurt people because I feel like it from nowhere. I've always had a reason and sure, that doesn't excuse it but I don't have anger issues." He nodded.

"Angel, the way you felt today, you said he made you mad and you wished that you weren't. You told me, that you lost control. You threw the first punch and MiKey hadn't even been touched yet. You could have prevented this." He motioned to MiKey. "It's true, you don't have anger issues without reason but when you are provoked, you can become out of control. I know that you understand that. It's called Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Now, I am not diagnosing you and I’m not asking you to take medication but I do want you to be aware of it okay? There are steps you can take that will help you calm down in a scary situation where you feel you are going to flip out. I honestly wouldn't say anything to you Angel, I am not trying to complicate your life but I don't want this happening again. It would be one thing if MiKey was hit or hurt seriously but it was just soda. You know?" I took a few deep breaths and nodded.

"Yeah, I know." My dad twisted his mouth in a way that suggested he was regretful.

"You two need to go calm down. And you are grounded. I figure that goes for both of you. One week. Wow, I've never had to ground you before." I sighed out deeply and stood.

"Come on MiKey." He stood up next to me and I grabbed his hand with the one that wasn't splinted. I pulled him with me to my room. When I closed the door, I locked it just in case my dad wanted to come in and harass me some for some reason. I didn't feel like talking to him. I sat at the head of the bed on my side. I stopped for a moment and thought about how much I loved the fact that we had 'our side' of the bed. I leaned against the headboard with an exhale. He sat next to me with his legs crossed. He leaned his head on my shoulder.

"I love what you did for me. I know your intentions were out of love but…You…" He had said after a while, the sentence was drawn out.

"But I didn't listen to you…yeah MiKey, I know." My voice came out with more attitude then I had hoped for. I tried to restrain it but I was still a little angry. He lifted his head to look at me.

"Don't get pissy with me. I was just trying to let you know, that it's okay." I sighed. Suddenly his words were starting to aggravate me more. I tried to take some breaths and calm down.

"Yeah, it doesn't count when you say…It's okay but…It doesn't work that way. I know I fucked up okay? I don't need you or my dad to tell me I fucked up. I know I did. I always do." He turned towards me and scoffed.

"Yeah, you were wrong but it's not nearly as big a deal as you are making it. I understand you were mad that is all I wanted you to know." He said plainly.

"I tried to do the right thing, and I couldn't control myself. Turns out I was wrong and I don't f*****g understand what I am supposed to about it." I raised my voice some. He retreated some. I was mad, not at him but at myself. Instead of talking about it like he was trying to do, I was taking it out on him.

"You don't do anything about it Angel. You get over it! Stop throwing a f*****g pity party!”

"Don't f*****g tell me to get over it, okay? You don't understand what this feels like. You don't know how it feels to be out of control! You don't know what it feels like get hurt and crushed, then hurt others!" He got up from the bed and took a deep breath.

"I…I don't know what it feels like to be out of control! I was out of control most of my life, not making decisions! I don't know what it feels like to get hurt?! Oh my f*****g god, I cannot believe you would say that to…me!" I put my hands in my hair realizing my mistake.

"Just don't go there MiKey! It's not helping, I don't want to f*****g hear that! Just shut up please!" His face twisted into mad and confused.

"Maybe we just shouldn't talk right now." He said lowly.

"Maybe not…" I replied.

"You're being a f*****g a*****e! F**k you!" He said and he stormed to the door, unlocking it, and opening it.

"Where are you going?" I asked, trying to make the attitude diminish. It didn't quite work.

"For a walk, refer back to me when you're done being an…a*****e!" He slammed the door shut on his way out. I sighed and thought about going after him. I soon realized I shouldn't, I had already fucked things up enough that I didn't need to make it worse. He needed some time to himself to think, collect his thoughts, and clam down. He didn't want to talk to me anyway. I could understand that.

"Oh god…" I fell back on my pillow and laid there for a while thinking about how much of a dick I had been to him. I felt at a new low. I felt like an out of control child who needed time to think about what I had done. That was basically what I was doing. I felt this deep unsettling sadness within myself for snapping at him. I had let him down yet again. When was I going to stop letting him down? I laid there and wondered why he even loved me. I was mediocre at best; there was relatively nothing special about me. I had fallen asleep waiting for him to get back. It was an extremely light sleep in which I rolled around a thousand times and dreamed a vague cloudy dream. I couldn't remember what it was about.

MiKey woke me about a half an hour later when he came in and sat on the bed beside me. I groaned at the shifting weight and sat up a bit. I rubbed my eyes with my hands to clear the sleep away.

"Hey." I said. He didn't say anything to me.

"MiKey…" He still didn't say anything. I got up on my knees and moved behind him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and resting my chin in the crook of his neck. I smelled the sweet scent of his hair and melted against him.

"Do you love me?" I asked. He didn't respond. "You love me right?" I asked again. He sighed.

"Of course I f*****g love you, you idiot." He said softly. I smiled.

"It doesn't sound very convincing when you say it with a 'f*****g' thrown in." I said then pressed my lips softly to his neck.

"I love you." He said again.

"Okay, as a condition of that love you understand that when I f**k up, I usually realize it. And that I am really sorry; so sorry. You know me well enough to know that I know I shouldn't have said the stupid s**t I did. And you know that I love you and I am sorry that I hurt your feelings." My voice was soft and a ton gentler compared to before. He turned his head to look at me; a small smile on his lips. I leaned up to try and kiss him and he pulled away a bit. Then he turned his head to the side and kissed my lips. I brought my hand up to his cheek and he opened his mouth against mine. My eyes drifted closed as our tongues met for a moment. He then pulled away to turn in my arms. He turned all the way around in my arms, put his hands on my shoulders, and pushed me onto my back, lying over me and between my legs. I loved the feel of his weight on me. It comforted me.

"Yeah, I know, and I forgive you." I smiled big and put my hands on his hips as he lay over me. I pressed my lips to his yet again and sighed against him. The breath escaped me with a huff around his smile. I savored the sweet sensation that warmed my body when he kissed me.

______

MiKey had been distant for a week after his return. I would try to kiss him and he would kiss me back but it wasn’t the same as he usually did. I didn't feel the same. At night he would sleep on his own curled into a ball. One day we were lying on the bed when he said something.

"What?" I asked.

"I just…" He said and his voice suddenly sounded a bit somber. I pulled my eyebrows together and brushed his hair behind his ear.

"What's wrong baby?" I asked. His ears flicked anxiously atop his head.

"It's just that something has been bothering me since I got back. I wanted to say something about it but I couldn't seem to work up the nerve to say anything." He sat up beside me. "But, every time you touch me, I think about it." He said. I sat up also, now fully concerned.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked, my voice wavering. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear what he was going to say. But he needed me to listen to him so I listened.

"I um…I had this dream. God, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud." He stopped for a while.

"Please tell me. Please." He huffed and raised his hands a little in a shrug.

"I just, I had this dream and it had…him in it. He kept telling me over and over again that I wasn't good enough for you and that I was a piece of s**t. It made me think about what happened again and I honestly can't get enough self-confidence to think otherwise. I just can't get it out of my mind that I don't deserve this and that I am gross…" I cut him off.

"MiKey, you're not, you're not gross. Oh my god, you aren't gross. You are perfect. If it is anyone who doesn't deserve something, it is me. MiKey you are beautiful and not just physically. Everything about you is; your personality, your demeanor. I love the whole you. Every single thing about you, I love you and nothing about what happened to you is going to change that. Do you understand me?" He nodded and looked at the mattress.

"MiKey?" He nodded again and brought his hand up to wipe away tears that had suddenly appeared. "Hey…hey… Don't cry baby." He started to sob quietly his breath coming out in huffs with each soft sob. I moved over to put my arm around his shoulder. He leaned into me and continued to cry. I stroked his hair and kissed his forehead.

"Shh, MiKey please. I don't like to see you cry. Tell me what will make you feel better. Please." He shook his head.

"You can't. You can't make me feel better. I think about it every day and it haunts me. I can't…" His words made my chest tight. I felt so helpless. The tears stung my eyes at his words. Why couldn't I help him? What would it take to make him feel alright again?

"Don't say that MiKey, there has to be something." My voice was weak and shaking. He pushed away from me suddenly and seemed to snap.

"Stop! You don't understand, okay! You don't understand what it is like Angel! I think about it all the time, I can't stop thinking about it. When you kiss me, when you touch me, I try not to but I cannot stop thinking about it! I feel so guilty. Like I had cheated on you and it just doesn't feel the same as it once did!" He had stood from the bed and was raising his voice to a significant level. I stood up on my knees on my bed; the tears were falling more now.

"MiKey, I just want to know what I can do! Why haven't you told me before about this? Why don't you talk to me?" I screamed at him, desperately, needing something from him that he just wasn't giving.

"I was scared!" He yelled back, I froze at his tone. "I have been scared all of my life. I have never in my life, not been scared!" I looked up at him with pleading eyes and felt my breathing begin to waver.

"So, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to back off? Do you want to leave me, is that it?" He bit his lip as tears streamed down his face.

"No, no I don't want to leave you! I love you!"

"Then what is it? What do you need me to do? Tell me and I will do it! Do you want me to back off? I don't want to do that MiKey, but if it will make you feel better to not have to think about the pressures of me sexually, then I will back off, okay? I will do that for you. I can sleep on the couch and you can have some time to think about things you know? You can go see someone professional to talk too and I will just…back off." My voice wavered again and I felt the onset of a sob catch in my throat. I didn't want him to ever even think about leaving me. I didn't want him to think about anything that saddened him that much.

"I don't know." The words came out in a sob under his breath. I felt the breath escape me. I asked him again, this time slower.

"Do you want to leave me?" He shook his head quickly.

"No, Angel! Please stop saying that! I love you so much!"

"Do you really?" I asked. I didn't want him to have doubts.

"Yes, of course! I need you! I want you! I want you so bad but when I try to have you I can't stop thinking about him! It makes me sick to treat you that way. Even if it is only in my head! I just want to feel the same about you as I did before. I still love you, I love you so much it hurts but I never dreamed it would be this hard to be with you." I nodded and choked on a sob.

"Do you want me to find someone professional you can talk to? A therapist?" He nodded.

"I don't think I can do this on my own." I nodded again.

"Do you want me to back off and give you some room to breathe?"

"Yes." He said.

"Okay, okay, I can do that. We can do this. MiKey, we can do this." He looked at me hopefully and more tears then ever spilled down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry.

"Please." I don't know why he was pleading but I just stood up and walked in front of him. He looked up at me and then threw his arms around me. I wasn't sure if I should have hugged him or not, but I did anyway. I needed to be close to him one last time. I didn't know how long it would be before I could touch him again.