Chapter 1

New girl, New School

 

I looked up at the statue, graffiti and cigarette buts littered the great tiger, and all I could think was, I was no longer a gawky kid who was always afraid. Now came the truth, lets find out what I was made of. Let’s just say, this year was going to be very different.

 

"Now class, sit down. My name is Miss Yarrow, and I am your English teacher for the year," The tall brown haired woman said as she wandered to the front. The whole class seemed to pay attention, what could I say this woman demanded respect.

"I want you all to stand up, one at a time, and say your favorite movie, book and the best thing you did all holiday. Is that to hard?"

A couple of people shook their heads. Instantly after Miss Yarrow turned and faced the board there was murmurs of "Why do we have to do this?" and "I'm not going first." When a small voice came out of the crowd.

"I'll do it Miss," The girl said standing up. What could I say about this girl, she practically screamed cheerleader, I could feel all the blokes around me start salivating.

"Well, my name is Jamie Roundhouse, my fave movie is Mean Girls, I don't read books, and I loved shopping in Paris." She giggled and sat back down. There's another meaning for full moon, lets just say, her shirt was way too small. I drifted in and out of the class almost falling asleep when I heard.

"Has anyone not gone?" Two hand raised into the air, mine and boy over from me. He stood up.

"My name is Zane Brown," I heard the word freak circulate the room. "The Jester and the Green Mile. I stared into nothingness for the whole holidays." He sat back down. I stood up, closing my eyes.

My name is Sakura Richards, the Maximum Ride Trilogy and Along Came a Spider. I guess I enjoyed coming to live at the coast.” I sat back down just before the bell went. I jumped up and ran from the class, god I hate pubic speaking.

 

The day was a blur .I got yelled at in French for writing in English, broke a ceramic bowl in art, and am sure that I am in the wrong class for math’s (It’s way to hard). At lunch I sat down in the cafeteria reading The Angel Experiment for the tenth time, when I heard a voice.

“Hope you don’t mind,” Zane said sitting down. I saw him grab out a coke and a book titled The Jester.  “You like him too?” I asked pointing at the book.

“Yeah, he can really show the cruelty of people in general,” I smiled and continued reading. Then I had a really self conscious thought. I wondered what I looked like, sitting at the side of the cafeteria. I mean what group did this land me in. I wasn’t smart enough to be with the nerds, not cool enough to be popular and not good enough to be a goodie two shoes; (burning stuff puts you out of that group.) Then I wondered what Zane thought of me? Am I just another weirdo to him? I shook my head, what did I care if he thought I was weird.

“Hey you ok? You’ve been staring at me for five minutes,”

“Sorry, I, uh,” I gave up blushing a deep red.

“Good, I thought I had grown another head,” He said smiling. God he has a cute smile. Oh danm’it stop thinking how cute he is. I smiled back, still blushing.

“The bell just went.”

“Oh, uh, thanks.” I grabbed my stuff running out of the cafeteria. How embarrassing.

 

The rest of the day went fine, but ending with an hour of HPE was not. Add gymnastics to that and we have a horror show. If we where meant to fly around like that, we would have wings, why can’t teachers learn? When the bell went I walked home. Letting the world blur past me for the three kilometer walk. When I arrived home I walked strait up the stairs and fell onto my bed, falling finally to sleep.

Reviews

[joshua rainbird]

Interesting read, but a bit hurried at the end.

I can't help thinking that you may have come in a bit too early with reveal that she fancies Zane's smile. And that last paragraph seems the wrong way to end the chapter, I would exclude it as it's distracting from the plot.

Oh, and there should be an L in public-speaking (Freudian slips always make me laugh).

Good luck with this.

[Amaya Sullivan]

I am in love with the story already. I love school life, and I write about it as well. I love you using "blokes" cute! I don't think it is too earlier that Sakura is already thinking of Zane. It is perfectly normal for girls to do this. (I did it a lot; and I am sure guys do as well)

I am putting this in my library under favorites!! Great story flow!

[Alexander Rodgers]

You're a good writer, I enjoy this. Great description and flow, you know what your doing. I have to disagree with some of the comments below. You set a good pace for yourself and let it flow, and I think it works. It doesn't feel rushed to me at all, you just may want to add an indicator that time went by before your character got home and went to bed. Overall good!

[SuicidePact.]

fantastic start I love how you introduced us to the story, it was interesting and I was entertained whilst reading it. Great Job x

[Jules]

You have an interesting story line going here, but I agree with Joshua Rainbird, the plot so far does seem slightly rushed. I think you could make this a little bit, not too much, longer though, by adding more description of the locations and the people. Otherwise, I thought it was good!

[J. Marc]

I do not know how many chapters do you intend to put in your book, but I found this one slightly too short, in comparison with all the chapters put to review on this site.

Your story is interesting though. You succeeded very well in putting the ambiance of your school although not so many details are provided about it, its location, its students��One might also suggest that you describe just a little further the environment of the story, especially in the cafeteria. One might want to know more about what is going on around, the overall settings �.

The style is in agreement with the story and allows the development of the character quite well. Indeed, it would have been super if a little bit about the background of Sakura is given, in order to let people know or at least guess about the genre: memoirs? Thriller? ��.

"Why can't teachers learn?" I think it would be a good idea to put this question at the beginning of the chapter: it is an interesting enough question that would definitely attract the attention of any reader til the end of the chapter where you could add just an additional sentence to answer it (or make just another remark)