Thoughts. June 8, 2010.

True Story.

The salesman

was matching his footsteps to dozens of strangers around him.

He was good at a step matching.

He had learned it from rain tapping.

Recreating the sound with his fingertips,

running at the moments he could not hold on to anymore.

Heel catching,

he stops in the middle of the steady mall stampede.

Potential customer.

Potential customer.

He sees everyone’s eyes.

Possible commission.

Split second spenders.

He relies on the pockets of strangers.

He started step matching me.

I could see it.

I know the look.

He tapped forward and said,

“Hey!-”

“Nope.”

Quick answer.

I’m good at that.

Author's Note

This was in my blog, but I figured, what the hell, I'll post it here. I haven't posted anything in a while. As always, hope you enjoy.
Note: the format looks ok on Chrome and Firefox, but on Internet Explorer it's kinda off.

Reviews

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

The format for this works just right! I think the "Hey..." may seem a little more realistic with maybe an enthusiactic, "Hey!-" and he gets cut off, but maybe I'm picturing a different salesman. Most all of us have experienced this moment, so the poem is both easy to relate to and enjoyable. Good job :).

[aftervision]

matching his footsteps to dozens of strangers around him -- i was pleased to return to this after being gone so long

[SamBug]

This was pretty good. I liked it. I also liked your formatting. It made it much more effective. Great job! :)

[G. Marie"floating on an..]

that was cool. I can relate........the sales people are predators awaiting to transfer your funds to their wallet lol loved it!!!!!1

[Miss Coral]

I really like this... the first stanza was my favorite I think, but they're all pretty cool, so I can't really decide. :)
The subtle and loose rhyme scheme that you had for this was great- super tight schemes that dominate pieces draw back from poetry, and you have completely overcome the draw. Its occasional, and not exact, so it aids the flow in a perfect quantity. great job.

Short, concise ending. Perfect ending. I don't really know what else to say, other than this was a great piece. Nice job. c:

[WriterSki7]

Wow. Gunmetal actually has "thoughts"
Lol; uniquely memorable, as usual. ^_^