Introduction

My first attempt at writting a story. Please Review

Life, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness . . . The law of the land shall be governed by its people, that is the world I used to know, the world that I miss. However, like all good things it must at sometime come to an end. Sadly, the end is now. Right now it is dark outside. It seems as it has always been dark. The world I live in is dark. I hide when the spotlights come and the voices come out of the speakers. This is my life. My life... how could it be like this when I still remember the good times, the park I would always go to with my little sister, all the things I did before this happened.....

 

"David wake up!!!!"

"I am, I am okay Haley"

 

  Another great morning... yay! ( for all you who couldn’t tell that was sarcastic). Well at least I am with this sort of make-shift family of mine. I walked into the dining room to find Haley, Lynn, and Uncle Gregory at the table. Haley is the kind of girl that you would describe as nerd but cool. She was extremely smart and good at memorizing things, even though she wasn’t really strong she could still stand up for herself. Lynn was well she was Lynn. She would always try to be against society yet she could fit in perfectly with us. She was actually pretty physical though. I would pity the dude who would get into a fight with her. Finally, Uncle Gregory seemed to always be thinking more then he said. His eyes were always so focused.

 

   I took a seat and looked out the window at the sad reminder of what this world is, Lady Liberty our beacon of freedom in ruin. You could barely make out the torch in the one arm left on the statue’s headless body.

 

"Isn’t it so sad how our world is now"

"Yeah it is, but at least were altogether now" said Haley

"That’s true, but I still miss my old world and my sister’

"We all miss our old worlds but this is the world now just deal with it’

"Okay, I’ll try"

 

   Just then Uncle Gregory got up and left without saying a word. It was kinda strange but just after being told to deal with it I don’t want to ask any other questions. We all finished our breakfast in silence.

Author's Note

ignore grammar

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong introduction. I like the description of the new world and the conversations of the characters. You have my attention. I will read the next chapter.
Coyote

[jumbie's #1 fan]

Good intro, ignoring grammar ^^, i like how you don't learn everything about everyone in the introduction. Sentence structure is a little short and choppy. But good nonetheless. :)

[trainwreck]

hmm. Very nice beginning. perhaps you could expand the story a little? still, its a good opener.