Am i truly alone

chapters 5

 

Ch.5

I jolt up gasping for air sweat trickles down my face I watch one drop as it cascades down my arm and falls to the floor in a silent splash. I open my mind trying to go back to my dream hoping to get the memory of his face ,but there is something blocking me its like I need a key to unlock the vast hallways of doors in my brain. But what could cause the door to lock like this for my brain to close off so tight is it a memory from that night. Something I saw but didn’t see.

I open my eyes wider hoping it would help me remember what I saw in my dream or that night of the accident but all that brings is pain and tears. I pull my knees to my chest and bury my head into them. I sway back and forth for some relief for some comfort I hear a voice no its humming the sound is so far but so close I can feel the vibrations of each note then I realize its me singing the lullaby my mother sang to me when I was a kid to give me comfort when I had a bed dream.

I haven’t cried since the accident and now it seems the time has come, so I let go I let them fall trickling down faster and faster trying to escape my eyes. I lay down and try to count every drop I try to sleep but as I look at my clock I seem to watch the hours pass minute by minute. The hallway light was still on the glow creeps under my door trying to save me from the darkness to win the battle between the never-ending abyss of sadness.            

 I stare at it hoping it would save me from my inner battle of darkness starting to consume me from the inside. But then a shadow consumes the crack leaving only a little bit of light on each side of the shadow. The shadow doesn’t move its just their I stop breathing and I when I do I hear a rushed exhale and a small thud on the door I almost say come in but I don’t want to scare the person away.

I close my eyes and try to see who it was I hoped it was Dyson and I picture his chest moving with each breath I could almost feel it now and I picture him with his forehead on the door with a hand pressing on door for entre for contact, I begged for him to break the door down and hold me in his arms and to whisper in my ear that everything is ok. But when I opened my eyes again the shadow is gone he’s gone and so is the feeling of his warmth of him but for the brief moment he stood their outside my door I was filled with comfort.

I don’t know this man but I feel like he’s all I have left, I dont understand. My brain is making decisions for me and making me want and hunger for things but I don’t know why. I close my eyes and picture Dyson and what I see first is his eyes so blue so familiar they sparkle like the ocean when the sun hits the water just right, then I see his lips small but adequate with a splash of pink and before I could picture more I hear a car doors slamming shut outside, and men talking in a foreign accent. I get up and move towards the window.

I pull the purple silk curtains back and see about a dozen men huddled around their cars they are all wearing suits from grey to a dark blue color. Their hair is slicked back and gold chains hang from their necks. A large limo enters the drive and when it comes to a stop a large man steps out. I cover my nose for the cigar he had in his mouth was so foul and strong I could smell it from my room on the second floor, as he moves his hand up to retrieve his cigar I see rings on all fingers large ones one gold one diamond the rest are hard to see.

The large man walks to the group of men and they start to talk to each other in a different language I think its Russian or something. One of the men yells to another and gestures to a red sports car and the man just moves away and continues his conversation with the large man. The large man laughs and his whole body giggles it reminds me of Santa clause. I hear the front door open so I look and its Dyson, he walks out his hands in his pockets making him look like a teenager. He takes his time down the old white marble steps he heads towards the large man in the middle. When he gets close enough he stops and the big man lifts his hands up in a hugging motion and that’s when Dyson moves forward and the two men embrace. The man is so large he seems to engulf Dyson I can barley see him.

One of the other men wearing a red track suit walks over to Dyson and the large man, he holds a brief case in his hand he’s holding it so tight his knuckles are white. Dyson and the large man exchange words in a different language. The conversation goes from calm and nice to heated in a matter of seconds, the large man grabs the brief case so harshly he almost broke the guys hand. The large man tossed it violently into Dyson’s chest. Dyson looks tired and pain crosses his face and right at that moment he looks up towards my window and I scrambled out of the way hoping he didn’t see me. I glance back and he is still look at my window.

The large man stops talking and looks at Dyson then where he is looking.

“What is it boy you hiding something from me, you have been hard to reach for a few days, did something happen after you dropped off my package last week?” the large man question

Dyson jerks his head back stares right at the large man he sighs and puts his face back on the one you cant read the dead looking one and says,

“ Mr.Mashir I am fine I had family business to attend to out of the country, where is my drop spot?”

Mr.Mashir looks at Dyson questionably for a second then his head lifts up like he’s ready to howl but instead he laughs and pats Dyson on the back.

“Palm beach 8 o’clock by the night club, Judd will be waiting for you so don’t be late. Mr.Mashir exclaims.

Dyson turns around and starts to walk inside, Mr.Mashir doesn’t say any more than that and walks to his car. The men all scramble into their sport cars and speeds away with the wheels making a screech and smoke from the tires fills the air. One after the other exit the metal gate the last car leaves or rather a black limo with its window rolled down I see  smoke coming out like smoke coming out of a chimney capturing the air like a virus and killing it.

I get back into bed and wonder what that was all about I cant help but feel that what ever was in the brief case it wasn’t good. Everything begins to fade out and finally sleep consumes me. And to my relief I dream of nothing just a white room filled head to toe nothing no sounds no color just peace. I wake to a knock on my door it feels like I have been a sleep for only five minutes when I hear a voice say,

“My lady breakfast will be served on the back patio in 10 minutes.”

I scramble to get up and I say quickly,

“I will be right down, thank you Charles.”

I get up to find a robe draped on a chair I throw it on not seeing anything else to wear. I open the door and quickly fasten my robe, I look down the hallway but it’s empty so I continue on and head down the stairs. I go through the dinning room to the back patio and to my surprise Dyson was sitting their sipping orange juice with a paper in his hands legs crossed with a dark blue suit on and the blackest shoes I’ve ever seen. I sit down and Charles brings me a plate of food and some orange juice. Before I speak Dyson says

“I’m leaving for a few days here.” He hands me a credit card “while I’m gone go buy yourself some cloths Charles tells me the ones I got were to big I’m sorry about that, I should be back on Friday if you need anything don’t hesitate to ask Charles.”

I’m surprised and hesitate to speak but I get the courage to and say

“Um thank you I hope you have a good trip be careful.”

 Dyson is surprised by my words making him smile. I get up with some toast in my hand I walk to the edge of the stairs which looks out onto the gardens. I see a giant pool a tennis court and a garden with a fountain in the middle. I could swear I was still sleeping I almost pinched my self to test it. I was just about to go down the stairs and walk the gardens, when Dyson comes up behind me and he places his hand on the curve of my back I flinch in surprise and tense up, my heart starts to flutter my mind fills with word and my heart fills with feelings and urges. He kisses me on the check and says goodbye and with that his hand moves away and his warmth is gone but my feeling still remain my thoughts I cant understand are so scrambled I cant move for the fear of losing that brief moment. I hear the front door open I run to it and I get the last glimpse of Dyson’s bumper as he leaves me.