Heart Of Glass. [Chapter Three.]

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When I had finally awoke, my eyes were still heavy - the same feeling as my deadened heart - and an empty, hollow feeling was buried beneath my skin. As I gazed in the mirror, the person looking back at me was an immediate stranger. She wasn't me and I wasn't her. This person had become the exact person that I had always feared of becoming long ago. Her highlighted blonde hair stuck out, dark bags were under her eyes, her eyes themselves were a dimmed shade of green and the smile that had always been plastered on her face, was no more. Instead, this girl only seemed depressed and unhealthy. Once before, her eyes had been a bright and glowing emerald color. She had always gotten comments on how healthy and beautiful she looked, but never before had she realized her beauty, until she saw her true self sitting before her. I inhaled deeply and threw the mirror on my bed, placing my head in my hands and letting out an aggitated sigh. That girl in the mirror was surely a sight for sore eyes and I couldn't stand her looking back at me for another minute. For the first time in a long time, I felt enough strength to push myself up and away from the bed, sauntering off into the bathroom. Really seeing myself in the mirror had made me self-conscious, as I was now brushing through my hair with a brush that looked about as old as I felt. I always remembered that very day that my husband had bought me the brush and it still brought tears to my eyes. They cascaded down my face in a perfect line, one by one, as I watched them from the bathroom mirror. My life was slipping away from me and my age seemed to be unknown and gone with the wind. Surely, health was out of the line for me. I hadn't cared to attend myself in years, until now, that is. Pushing the negative and life-wasting thoughts out of my mind, I applied my eyeliner and blush. My face wasn't ghostly pale, but it wasn't the perfect peach shade that it had once been, either. I was falling apart before my very eyes and hadn't even noticed. My outfit consisted of a simple white tee and blue shorts, tying together as I tied my converse on my frail feet. I felt my hands shaking just as I had them on, forcing myself out of the house and into the warm, summer morning. Just when the light hit me, my heart race quickened and I blinked several times before stepping back, ready to run back inside. Something stopped me, though, what it was, I certainly had no clue of. The sunlight hit my skin, automatically scorching it as I walked down the creaking, familiar steps that led to the sidewalk. Walking down these streets felt strange and foreign to me. My heart ached for the return of my dark home, but I had my mind set and was ready to accomplish my goal. Days like these reminded me of all of the times I had with my husband, but I fought back the urge to cry as well. Too many tears had fallen down my face these past years and I wasn't about to let several people watch me break down in the middle of the road. My thoughts were overwhelming me, in fact, so much, that I almost drowned out the sound of the cars' horn beside me. Though it had almost worked, the blaring of the horn broke every one of my thoughts, shattering them into tiny pieces never to be seen again. I resumed my spot on the sidewalk, rapidly walking away from the car, my cheeks ablaze. As though I had been out here for hours, instead of only a few measly seconds, I felt myself growing all the more accustomed to the outdoors. Once I felt eyes burning a hole right through me, I began walking faster, although not sure where I was headed from the beginning. I let my feet do all of the work, while my mind itself was whirling. The sickening and most nauseating feeling that I usually felt throughout the day was starting to wash over me, but I picked up the pace and continued until I found a simple grocery store. I took the time to step inside, feeling the cool air hit me right in the face. Goosebumps arose on my arms, but, otherwise, the air conditioning felt comfortably reasonable to me. I breathed in the sweet essence of many different food products here in this store. I began to walk through the aisles, feeling my dead heart beat once again. The smells were like a blast to my nose, as they entered through my nostrils, one by one, flaring something within me. Had it really been that long since I had ate sensible food? Instead of paying attention, which is what I should have been doing, I felt another unfamiliar body collide with mine, as the ground suddenly became closer and closer. I braced myself, my eyes tightly closed, before I could see the outcome. But, I didn't feel myself come in contact with any tile. I decided it couldn't hurt to open my eyes, so that was just exactly what I did. Arms were wrapped around my waist and my heart ached like ever before, sensing human contact instead.

"Veronica?" The voice rung out, sounding more masculine than feminine. He stood me upright and was now standing before me, reminding me of a strong, supportive tower. My eyes traveled up to his face, soon widening in realization, which threw a blow to my gut instantly.

"D-Derek?" I stammered, my mouth agape, my heart pounding furiously in my chest. Shock and surprise consumed my entire being, crashing over me like a forceful wave. A certain flashback exploded in my head as a welcoming smile alit his face delicately.

~*~

"Don't you love me?" His eyes were pleading, flickering with a certain hope that I dreaded to destroy. His hands were clamped over my own shaky ones, just as I was chewing on my bottom lip.

"Yes." I nodded, surprised I could even manage that word alone. My mouth felt dry and a lump formed itself in my throat. Breathing was becoming quite harder, but swallowing and keeping from crying were the two main afflictions.

"Then why won't you give me another chance?" Desperation filled his voice, just as guilt flooded through me, the gates and walls breaking down, unable to contain it any longer. My knees were wobbling now, the world spinning around me. I pulled my hand away from his and began backing away. He matched my pace, though, frustration replacing the kind and gentle person I had witnessed moments before.

"No," I licked my lips before continuing, reaching, searching for any courage I could bear to manage. "You've been unfaithful to me from the start and I can't allow you to split my heart open from the seems any further. The damage that you have caused is going to take years to replace and you can't even see it. All of the pain I've kept inside, reassuring myself each time that you would change, - for me - but you never have and I've finally realized that you never will. You're only seeing a portion of my hurt and fury, for I cannot spread out another morsel of either. I'm sorry, but we were over the very first day we started. I never had you, although I was sure I had and I'm sick of trying. Sick of fighting the same old fights, all for nothing. Enjoy your life without me." Before he could pull me back towards him, the tears that I had fought to cry were finally overflowing my face as I ran, unsure of where I was heading. All I knew is that I had to get free, to get away, as far as I could. I found myself in the woods and found a tree stump to sit on, allowing the tears and dark thoughts to release themselves.

~*~

"You look great," He commented, tearing me apart from my heart-breaking, gut-wrenching flashback that I had swore to never remember continuously, for too much pain was involved.

A weak smile implanted itself on my face as I quickly muttered a quiet "Thank you," in response.

"How've you been? It seems like ages have passed since I last saw you." Derek shook his head, emphasizing his exact point.

"It seems like ages since you ripped my heart in two," I wanted to respond, instead replying with, "I've been fine, really. It's been too long, I fear, but I cannot stay here much longer."

He cocked his head to the side, obviously curious of my most recent response. I fought back the urge to run, suddenly wanting to return to my bed back home. Regrets were suddenly filling my head now, as he continued to watch me, eyes both alert and amused, specs of curiousity and anxiety hidden secretly behind.

"Well, if you really have to go, then I should at least allow that. It really has been a pleasure to see you again." I only nodded, hurriedly making my way back outside. My first human encounter, so far, hadn't been so great. I had seen the exact person I had wanted to see the least in quite an extensive amount of time. I wasn't sure if I wanted to associate with any more people, although I knew that I had to some time. As of now, I was leaning against a cool, brick building, my eyes closed in relaxation, as my heart slowed down many miles from the scene that had just happened. My hand flew, reluctantly, to my forehead, as I wiped away beads of perspiration that had appeared without any restraint. Whenever the sound of nearby footsteps sounded off perhaps a few feet from where I stood, my eyes snapped open and my hands began shaking. I backed away, further down the alley, feeling a hand cover my mouth immediately. Whimpers and cries were muffled as the grip tightened, silencing not only my actions, but also my inner thoughts.

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