Chapter Four

      

             I woke up around eight in the morning the next morning to my phone ringing. I looked and saw that my best friend Casey was calling, but I hit ignore. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Ten minutes later, I heard a knock on my door, and I pretended to be asleep to avoid breakfast.

            “I know you’re up.” I heard Jason say, and I lifted my head to look at him. “You’ve gotta eat something. You know that.”

            “I can’t.”

            “Hailey, I guarantee that I weigh at least thirty pounds more than you.”

            “No way. You’re skinny.” I said. “And either way, I’m not sure how much I weigh; I haven’t weighed myself since the day before I came here.”

            “There’s a scale in the hallway bathroom…But-”

            I got up too fast and got dizzy, Jason grasped my arm and sat me back down on the bed.

            “Only if you let me see the number.”

            “No way.”

            “Then I’m not letting you weigh yourself.”

            I got up and shoved his hand away and ran toward the bed room door. I sprinted down the hall to the bathroom and as I closed the door, he put his foot in the way.

            “Just let me see, Hailey. I’m 120 pounds.” he didn’t say anything for a second, then, he said quietly, “Let me see, Hailey.”

            I kicked his foot out of the doorway, slammed the door closed and locked it. I searched around the bathroom for the scale as I heard Jason walking away from the door. When I found the scale in the closet, I heard Jason picking the lock of the door. I put the scale down and waited for the zeros and stepped on it. It seemed like an eternity before the number finally changed and Jason got the door open.

            “Holy s**t.” he said, his mouth wide open.

            I was 79 pounds.

            “I only lost two pounds…How could I have only lost two pounds?” I said, tears filling my eyes. I sunk to the floor against the sink, pulling my knees to my chest and Jason sat down next to me. “I need to lose three more pounds. Just three more.”

            “Even three more pounds could kill you.” he said, and when I looked over at him, there were tears in his eyes. “Come on, let’s go down to the game room. We need to talk about this.”

            He took my hand and we walked downstairs to the game room. I sat down on the couch as he closed the door. He didn’t turn around for a second, and I heard him take a deep breath. When he turned around to look at me, I saw that his eyes were filling with tears, but his face was still calm. I wasn’t sure what to say.

            “I’m fine.” I said. It was the only thing that I could think of.

            “You aren’t even close to fine. You’re 79 pounds and, what, five-foot one? That isn’t fine. Not eating for weeks at a time isn’t fine. I don’t even think I’ve seen you drink anything since you’ve been here. That isn’t fine.”

            “I just need to lose three more pounds, that’s it. And I can’t eat or drink. I can’t. I can’t gain weight. I’m disgusting. How the hell do you not see that, Jason?” I felt my voice getting louder. I felt my face getting hot. I didn’t even know why I was getting so angry; maybe it was just that someone had finally figured me out.

            “Hailey, calm down, okay?” he said, squeezing my hand. “But, look, we have to tell someone. You need help.”

            “I don’t need f*****g help. I’m fine.” I said, wrenching my hand from his grip.

            “You’re going to die, Hailey. You’re going to die if you don’t stop doing this. You need to understand that.”

            “People die from being obese, I’ll die if I don’t lose weight.”

            I walked out of the sliding glass door, noticing how my thighs were jiggling in the reflection, and out to the pool. I felt tears starting to fill my eyes again. I let my feet dangle in the pool as I tried to hold back the tears. I heard everyone coming down the stairs from the third floor after they finished breakfast.

            “Hey, do you want something for breakfast?”

            “No, thanks. I already ate.”

            Later that night, I just couldn’t seem to stay asleep. The bruises on my side I got just from sleeping made me too uncomfortable to even get to sleep. I wondered why I was bruising so easily, and why they never seemed to go away. All I could think about as I sat in my bed was everything that happened with Jason that day. He had looked so upset and so concerned when I talked to him, yet I screamed at him. All he tried to do was help me but I tried to hurt him because I didn’t want the help. I pushed him away like he meant nothing to me. I touched the bones in my wrist, ran my hand down each of my ribs, I touched my hip bones… Somehow it was comforting to feel them, to know that they were still there. That I could still feel them without having to try.

            When I woke up the next morning, Jason was there on my bed looking at me. He held my hand, and his was warm around mine. I realized that he had put another blanket over me while I was sleeping, and I was shivering.

            “Are you okay?”

            “I am-“

            “Fine…I know. But really though, are you okay?” He looked at me for a minute, and when I didn’t answer him, he said, “We have to talk about this. You can’t just keep running away from me.”

            “There isn’t anything to talk about.”

            “Hailey, the family is starting to notice too.” He said, his hand gesturing toward the ceiling, where they were probably all eating breakfast. “They told me to come down and check on you. It’s almost noon.”

            “What?”

            “Yeah. They were all wondering if you were okay…They thought all of this was because, well…Because of Annie. But it’s obvious you’ve lost weight, and they’re starting to get concerned. Doesn’t that make you rethink any of this? Everyone is noticing that you’re sick, and you can’t hide it forever.”

            “I told you, I can’t eat.”

            “You can’t, or you won’t? There’s a big difference.”

            “Do you see me?” I said, standing up. “Doesn’t just looking at me prove to you that for me, it’s fine not to eat? It’s not a big deal. You’re the only one making it one.”

            Jason and I sat in my room for a long time, not really getting anywhere. He told me I was beautiful and I laughed in his face. He told me I would die, and I told him that I wouldn’t. We talked in circles for hours. It was just an ongoing cycle that only brought us back to right where we started.

            “You’re beautiful, Hailey.” He said, more quietly this time.

            “I’m not. I can’t take being like this anymore.”

            “I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

            He put his hand on my neck, his thumb grazing my cheek. His lips touched mine, softly at first. I lost track of time, my mind spinning. I hadn’t expected it right there but once it happened, it was exactly what I needed. It was more amazing than the first time he had kissed me, I felt myself falling for him but it scared me that I was. After a while, he pulled away and looked at me.

            “Please, do it for me. At least drink something.”

            At first, I shook my head. He asked and begged and eventually, I gave in.

            “Only water.”

            “You haven’t been drinking water, either?” he asked, and I shook my head.

            He got up, sighing and shaking his head, to get me a glass of water. A few minutes later, he came back into the room with a glass of water and a couple of pieces of toast.

            “You don’t have to eat it…But you know…It would be good if you did.”

            He sat with me on the bed as I drank the water, “spilling” a quarter of it after a few minutes. When I was done, he told me that he was proud of me, as he took a bite of the toast he had hoped I would eat, apparently giving up the hopes that I would be the one to eat it. I told him that I would be out in a minute, that I just wanted to get dressed. Once he closed the bedroom door, I ran as quickly as I could to the bathroom in my room, closed and locked the door, pulled back my hair and threw up the water. It burned my throat as the acid came up but I didn’t care. All I knew was that I had to get every bit of water out of my system. I heard Jason banging on the door, telling me to come out. When I finally did, he just stood at the door staring at me.

            An hour later, he acted as if nothing had happened.

            He had told me to get a bathing suit on. I came out of the door ten minutes later with a one piece, shorts and a baggy t-shirt on, Jason shook his head, took my hand, and lead me up the stairs.

            “Where are we going?” I asked, as we walked to the sliding door.

            “I’m getting you in the water.”

            “I hate the ocean, Jay!”

            “Come on!”

            We ran down the dunes and as we came up to the water, I dug my feet into the sand.

            “I’m not going in.”

            “Come on!” he said, and when I didn’t, he picked me up and carried me in.

            “Put me down! I’ll go in! I promise!”

            He put me down, and when my feet hit the water it was cold. I felt goose bumps go up my legs.

            “It’s warmer out there.” He said, running into the water.

            I followed him, the waves crashing against my stomach and my legs. Once we got farther out into the water, the waves were calm, and I relaxed. He saw me smile, I felt his hand wrap around mine. He pulled me in, kissing me again.

            “Jay.” I whispered, giggling a bit.

            “Yeah?”

            “You know our whole family is right there, right?”

            “S**t.” He said, and we both burst out laughing.

            “Come on, let’s go back in.”

            I shivered as we got back, the waves crashed against my back. I knew it would bruise. He put a towel around me, and we went back to the house into the game room. I was nervous that when we got back in the house, he would start trying to talk to me again. I tried to find a way out of it. I remembered the ping-pong table.

            “I’ll verse ya.”

            He smiled. “You’re on.”

            It seemed like an endless game. Just when it seemed like I would win, he would get a point. He caught up, and then I would catch up to him, putting us in a tie again.

            “Come on, actually play.” I said, smiling.

            I won. I think he let me.

            “So what do I get for winning.” I said, smiling and nudging him in the side.

            He laughed and I put my hands on my hips in an “I’m waiting,” sort of way.

            “What would you want your prize to be?”

            “You tell me.”

            He took my hand and I moved in closer. He ran his hand through my hair and I smelled that same aroma of the beach on his skin. I got the chills for a different reason this time as his lips pressed harder against mine his hand sliding down to my waist. I pushed his hand away, self conscious about my stomach. I opened my eyes, and I saw that his were open too. I pull away, and suddenly I felt like I was going to cry, but I held back the tears and kissed him again.

            Later, he wanted to get ice cream. I took a walk with Jason and his brother Taylor to the store. Jason bought me a fat-free frozen yogurt, even though I told him I wouldn’t eat it. I watched it as it melted, and Taylor asked me why I looked like I was going to cry as I sat there. I hated Jason at that moment. I ate two spoonfuls, put on a brave face and acted like I was okay with eating it. Jason said he was happy I had finally eaten. I promised him that when I went to the bathroom, it was honestly because I had to go to the bathroom.        

            I’m not a liar. I’m not, and I never have been. But I couldn’t help lying about this, it was a habit to get out of eating or get rid of it when I had to. I knew that I couldn’t eat. So I lied. I went into the bathroom, bent down to the toilet, and threw up. My knees sunk to the ground, my stomach hitting hard against the toilet, and my vision started to go dark. I got up anyway, swished my mouth with water, spit it out, and walked back to Jason and Taylor. He believed every word.

 

Reviews

[Kiynteyh]

I'm really getting worried about Hailey myself. Will Jason be able to help her before it's too late? :(
No grammar issues that I saw and well written once more, as to be expected by now. Great job. Next chapter!