Chapter Seven

           There were only a few more days until Casey’s party, and I was determined to get to seventy pounds by the party. I was angry with myself for drinking water again, so I decided that I would stop drinking water again. I was so thirsty that even my eyes felt dry, my skin was rough. Running was becoming even more difficult. After just a few minutes of running, I started to black out.

            That Wednesday morning, I walked the last mile home as my legs started shaking, everything starting to spin around me. No one was home, my mom and John both at work.  I sat down on the porch and saw an envelope next to me, held down by a flower pot. I saw Josh’s handwriting on the front of the envelope. I picked it up and ran my hand over the seal, over my name written in neat handwriting on the front. I got up and went inside. I sat at the island in the kitchen, wondering why Josh had written me a letter instead of talking to me in person. As I went to slip my finger under the flap of the envelope, I decided not to. I was afraid of what he had to say, that he, like Jason, had decided to turn against me and tell me to tell someone. To “get help.”

I didn’t want help, and I didn’t need it, so I walked up to my room, slid the letter under some books and went to sleep.

            The next thing I knew, I woke up to Casey talking to me, walking around my room. I heard her opening and closing drawers, throwing clothes onto my bed. She had all of the windows open, the light coming in practically blinding me.

            “…we just need to get out you know?” I heard her say.

            “What?”

            “You fell back asleep, huh? You’ve been inside way too much. You need to get out. Josh is meeting us at the Diner on Main Street at six. Get dressed, it’s five thirty!”

            “It’s five thirty? What the hell?”

            “How long have you been sleeping?”

            “I don’t know.” I lied. “I really don’t want to go to the Diner. I’m not hungry.”

            “Oh, be quiet. We’re going!”

            I fought her as she picked out an outfit for me, did my make-up, and eventually, I gave in. I told her I would be ready in a minute and she waited downstairs in the kitchen for me. I heard her talking to my mom as I looked at the shorts and top she had picked out for me. I pulled on the shorts and almost burst into tears. I pinched the fat on my legs, watched them jiggle as I walked and found a pair of sweatpants in my dresser. I pulled on my sweats and a baggy sweatshirt as Casey yelled up to me to hurry from downstairs.

            “What the hell?” she yelled at me as I walked down the stairs ten minutes later. “What happened to what I picked out for you?”

            “I don’t feel like it, Case. Come on.”

            She shot me a dirty look, stuck her tongue out at me and walked out the door. We were quiet the first few minutes in the car. I wasn’t sure how to break the silence, and she didn’t seem like she knew how to either. She kept biting her lip, looking over at me, and looking away.

            “So, um… Have you talked to Jason since the trip?”

            “No. He still hasn’t called, I don’t want to call him. It feels too weird, you know?”

            “Yeah…” she said, and it became silent again, the volume of the radio so low that it was hardly playing. “Are you okay?”

            “Yeah, I’m fine.” I said.

            “You always talk to me, Hailey. You’re not talking to me about whatever is going on.”

            “Nothing is going on…The thing with Jason isn’t a big-“

            “Not with Jason, Hailey. With…everything else.”

            “Nothing is going on though. I’m fine.” I said, and before she could say anything else we were pulling up to the Diner and I saw Josh standing near the doorway, waving us over. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before getting out of the car.

            Casey grabbed my hand and started running toward Josh and he laughed at us, saying that we were crazy.

            “Come on!” she yelled at me as I lagged behind. I watched as the expression on Josh’s face went from happiness to concern as I started to lose my balance, my vision going in and out. I pulled myself together and saw him looking at me with his eyebrows raised but didn’t say anything. Maybe he was afraid that I would get angry, or maybe he had just given up. I was just happy that he wasn’t saying anything in front of Casey. I didn’t want to talk about it any more than I wanted to be there with them. All I wanted was to go for a run, or to go back to sleep. Anything but be there with them. “Hey, Josh.”

            “Hey.” he said. He grabbed my arm and said, “Come on, I’m starving.”

            I was hoping that the waitress would take a bit to seat us, but the moment we walked in, she took three menus from the counter and led us to a booth in the corner. I was desperately searching for an excuse not to eat that Josh and Casey would believe, but how could I get out of this? I heard someone saying my name, but I was too focused on my own thoughts and stuck in a state of panic to care. I needed to get out of eating it somehow. I could tell them I ate already, but Casey knew I had been sleeping…        

            “Hailey!” Casey said loudly.

            “Yeah?”

            “What do you want to drink?”

            I looked up and saw a waitress standing to my left, surprisingly patient. I opened my mouth to say that I didn’t want anything, but I looked at Josh and saw that he was worried. I didn’t want to hurt him.

            “Can I have a Diet Coke please?”

            “Sure, honey. I’ll be back in a few for you to order.”

            I felt myself start to shiver, even in sweatshirt that I was wearing. I shifted uncomfortably, my bones digging into the seat. Josh kept looking over at me, I just nodded when he asked me questions. I couldn’t even think straight anymore.

            “Hun, what can I get ya?” the waitress said. I hadn’t even realized she had come back. I looked at Casey, then at Josh. They both look worried, almost afraid.

            “Oh, um, I’m not hungry.” I said. Casey shot me a look.

            “You need to eat something.” Josh said, quietly. Josh was never quiet, not around me. I saw such a huge change in him, something I couldn’t quite figure out but I knew that there was a growing distance between us. “Please, Hailey.”

            “Fine…Can I just have a salad?”

            “Sure, what kind of dressing?”

            “Oh, no dressing. Thanks.” I said, handing her my menu.

            I looked up to see Casey looking down at the table, Josh looking over at me.

            “Do you want my sweatshirt?” he said, and when I nodded he pulled down the zipper and handed it to me. He helped me put it on, and rubbed my arms as goose bumps ran up them. “Are you okay?”

            I started to lose feeling in my legs, my fingers started to go numb. I tried to ignore it. I nodded at Josh. “I’m fine.” I thought to myself. I repeated this to myself over and over. I thought maybe if I said it enough, it would be true. 

            I kept saying it to myself as my vision started to fade out, as I heard them asking if I were okay but couldn’t answer. “I’m fine,” I told myself as my legs and arms started to tingle, and I lost feeling in them. I told myself that I was fine as I told them I was going to the bathroom, and the last thought I had when I pushed open the door of the ladies’ room was “I’ll be okay,” as my knees gave out. The next thing I remember was waking up on the floor, a woman standing next to me, looking down at me, surprised.

            “Are you alright?” she said. I saw a name tag that said “Molly” on her waitress uniform. “Sweetie? Should I call an ambulance? Are you okay?”

            “Yeah.” I said, sitting up. “I’m okay.”

            “I’ m gonna get some help. Stay put, okay?”

            “No, really. I’m okay! Don’t worry.” I said. I got up, splashed some water on my face and walked about out. I tried to ignore that look that Molly gave me as I walked out.

            I walked back to the table, and Josh let out a sigh of relief. I saw Casey turn around to look at me as I walked between the rows of tables and booths.

            “Thank God! I was about to come in and see if you were okay.” Casey said. “Our food came a few minutes ago.”

            I looked down at the table as Josh slid out to let me in, and saw my salad sitting there. It was huge. At least a hundred calories. Josh pushed my fork toward me, I saw Casey bite her lip and look at me. I picked up the fork and pushed around the lettuce a bit. I took one leaf of lettuce and chewed it thirty-six times. Casey watched me as I ate it, but Josh wouldn’t even look at me. They started a conversation to break the silence. I ate four leaves of lettuce, then put my fork down.

            “Can you guys believe the summer is almost over?” Casey said after a few minutes of more silence.

            “God, I know. It went too fast.” I said.

            “What time should we be at the party friend, Case?” Josh said as I hid lettuce up my sleeve.

            “You guys can come whenever. Everyone’s getting there at three,  but if you guys could help me out, it’d be great.”

            “Sure, I’ll be there.” Josh said, taking a fry from his plate.

            “Yeah, I’ll be there too.” I said, taking a sip of my Diet Coke. “I gotta pee again. I’ll be back.” I looked back and saw them whispering to each other.

            I walked as quickly as I could to the bathroom and waited a minute for the soda to go down. I went into a stall and shoved my fingers down my throat until all that came up was stomach acid and blood. I swished water around in my mouth and looked in the mirror. There were dark bags under my watery eyes, my skin almost ghostly pale. I ran my fingers through my hair that felt like straw and sighed. I pinched the fat in my stomach and felt like I was going to cry. I ran my fingers over the bones in my wrist, and I felt my eyes start to well up with tears. I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes, then walked back out to the table. The waitress was taking the food from the table.

            “Can I wrap up that salad for you?” she asked me, taking my plate.

            “Oh, no thanks.” I said as I sat back down.

            “Was there something wrong with it?”

            “No, I just wasn’t that hungry. Thanks though.”

            After that, it got quiet again. We all dug through our wallets to pay the bill, and we sat there for a while after. I heard them talking about the party, occasionally glancing in my direction. I knew that they were probably talking to me, but I couldn’t pay attention. I felt like I was going to fall asleep and it was taking all of my energy to stay conscious.

            Josh held out a hand to me a few minutes later, telling me that we were leaving. They both put their arms around my shoulders as we walked. Josh hugged me tight when Casey and I were heading toward the car.

            “Call me later tonight, okay? I want to talk to you. You don’t seem right.” he said, but I didn’t look at him. He put his hand under my chin and looked me straight in the eye. “Call me, okay?”

            “Okay.” I said.

            “Promise?”

            “I promise. I’ll talk to you later.”

            Casey drove me home without saying a word the entire drive there. She glanced over at me, then looked away. I hesitated to get out of the car when we pulled up in my driveway.

            “Thanks, Case. I had fun.”

            “Yeah? You seemed like you were somewhere else the entire night.”

            “I was a little out of it, I’m just so tired. I had fun though. I missed you guys.”

            “We’re here, Hailey.”

            “I know.” I said, reaching over to hug her. “Thanks.”

            “Night, Hailey.”

            “Night. I’ll text you later.”

            My mom was already in bed when I walked in the door, but John was downstairs doing work on his laptop. He looked up when I walked in and put my keys down on the island, then looked back down at the screen.

            “Hey.”

            “Hey, Hailey. Where have you been?”

            “Oh, I went out to dinner. Where’s mom? Asleep already?”

            “Yeah, she’s been stressed lately so she went to bed early. Are you okay? You look exhausted.”

            “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just been a long day, I think I’m going to go to bed, too. Goodnight.”

            “Hey…Hailey?”

            “Yeah?”

            “You know we’re always here to talk, right? Your mom and I are always here. I know everything’s been hard but-“

            “I know. Thanks, goodnight.”

            I went up to my room to go to bed, but I just tossed and turned for hours. Eventually I gave up on trying to sleep, so I pulled on another sweatshirt and climbed up out of my window and sat on the roof. All of a sudden, I felt like I needed to cry. I sat on the roof with my knees pulled to my chest and cried for hours. I pulled out a box of pictures of Annie and me: on the beach when we were little, on the playground, at birthday parties, roasting marshmallows. I thought about calling Josh but I never did. I fell asleep on the floor with the pictures spread out all around me, the sleeve of my sweatshirt wet with tears.

 

Reviews

[Kiynteyh]

Found one little grammar problem in the first paragraph.

"I was angry with myself for drinking water again, so I decided that I would stop drinking water again."

That sentence could use a bit of rewording to avoid using "again" twice like that.

Like perhaps, "I had started drinking water again. Angry with myself for it, I stopped."

Well, bad example, but you get the idea.
Other than that, it was well written. Good job.