Chapter Six

A Chapter by animamundix3

I slept the entire ride home, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up farther away from Jason than ever. I didn’t even unpack my things when I got home. Casey had called me three times since I came home, but I never called her back.

That first day back, I slept almost all day. I had dream after dream about Jason. He was always upset with me, and I never knew how to fix it. There was a wall between us. I kicked and screamed and threw myself against it, but nothing happened. He just stood there, staring at me, disappointed. I woke up at three in the morning, sweating all over, crying. I couldn’t fall back to sleep that night, so I pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt and went for a run until five. I took a book from my room, pulled out a lounge chair and put it out in the backyard and read for a while.

Even after days of not calling anyone back, it still surprised me when Casey showed up. I was outside reading a book for my summer reading project when I heard the side gate open.

“Where the hell have you been?”

“Hey.”

“You never called me back!”

“Sorry, the vacation was just…a little hectic, I was all over the place. I’m so sorry Case.”

“What happened?” she said, sitting down on a lounge chair next to me. “Fill me in.”

I told her everything about my romance with Jason, her jaw dropping during all the right parts. I left out the parts about eating. All of the tiny details that were so significant in what tore Jason and I apart.

“Oh. My. God.”

“Can you believe that? I never expected that to happen. I’ve known him since I was little but, God, he’s so…He’s amazing.”

“When are you going to see him again?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t think we’re going to even see each other now that the vacation is over…”

“Why, he’s in our school. It’s not like he lives that far. What happened?”

“I don’t know.” I lied. I hated lying to her, but I felt like I had no other option. “He hasn’t called me since we left, so I guess it was just a fling or something.”

It killed me to think about Jason. I missed him, even the times when we fought and when I yelled at him. Maybe it was love, but did it really happen that fast?

“Are you coming to the party next week?”

“What party?”

“The pool party, remember? You have to come! Everyone’s coming, you’ve got to be there, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

At the end of every summer, Casey had a pool party that she invited all of our friends to. It was like a last hurrah before we had to go back to school. Her summer party was practically legendary, and I was legendary for always winning the game of chicken. Josh and I were partners in seventh grade, and we destroyed the competition, so ever since we’ve been partners. This summer was different though. Usually Casey and I were excited about the party all summer, planning each and every detail for months ahead of time. This summer was different though: I was dreading that party. I didn’t want to wear a bathing suit, and I didn’t want to have to go in the pool.

I was so absorbed in my own thoughts, that I hadn’t realized that Casey had been talking the entire time. I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, I heard her say something about a girl named Alexa in our grade. I just nodded at what she said, giving up on trying to figure out what she was saying. After a few minutes, Casey hugged me, said goodbye and left to babysit her younger sister. I sat outside for a while thinking about Jason; talking about Jason had just made me miss him even more. I considered calling him, but I decided against it. After all of the things that I said and how I pushed him away, he had to hate me. I put my phone in my room, put on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and went for a run.

Running was just a way to get away from everything. I let all of my thoughts go and I just ran. I wasn’t thinking when I ran past Josh’s house. The last thing that I wanted was another conversation with someone, telling me that they were worried about me. I ran past his house just concentrating on my feet hitting the pavement when I heard him calling behind me.

“Hailey! Hey, wait up!” he yelled out to me. I stopped and sat on the curb.

“Hey.” I said, looking up at him.

“When did you get home? I’ve been calling you like crazy.”

“I got home a few days ago and my phone’s been acting weird I guess.” I said. Another lie.

“Oh, are you okay? You look pale.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m just so tired.” I said. He was always annoying like that, noticing such insignificant things. He cared about me a lot, but he didn’t need to be up my butt about everything. “I’m gonna finish my run, okay? I’ll call you later.”

I kept running until I started getting dizzy. My vision started to go dark, I sat down on the curb until I stopped shaking. I got up and jogged home. I never called Josh back.

Now that I was back at home, everything started to hit me again. Being away from home, I forgot, at least for the moment, about what had happened with Annie. It was like a temporary oasis, and coming back was like torture. I worked at a department store, and going to work was hell, especially with people starting to “express their concern.” The first person to say something was my co-worker, Maria. Being older than some of us that worked at the store, she tended to act motherly towards us. She cared more about most of us than she cared about herself.

“Honey, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’ m fine. Why?”

“You look sick, my love. You’ve looked sick for months. People are starting to talk.”

“Talk about what?”

“You look so sick, honey. You’ve lost way too much weight.”

“I haven’t lost weight.” I lied. “I’m fine.” I said to her. It was becoming my mantra, as if I needed to say it, not for them, but to assure myself that yes, I am fine.

“Don’t lie to me, Hailey. You look terrible, don’t you see that?”

“No. I don’t.”

The issue was dropped for a little while, and I started to wonder why Maria had even said something. I felt calm about it afterward, convinced that I was safe, at least for the moment, until about a week later, my manager, Drew, came up to me. He seemed jittery, which, for someone that was always so calm and put together, was unlike him.

“So, the staff has been talking.”

“What do you mean? About what?”

“I know Maria talked to you…I’m not sure what to say, except that we’re concerned about you. A lot of the staff has asked me to talk to you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Maria said you might say that. I just want to tell you that if your performance is affected, we can’t keep you working. Something’s gotta give some time.”

“My performance won’t change. I’m fine.” I said. He raised his eyebrows at me, and after a moment, turned away to get back to making phone calls to a company that hadn’t sent their shipment yet.

I started wearing baggy clothes to work, insisting to Maria that I was alright. I would be okay, it was just that I had been stressed.

“I’m fine.” I said.

“If you say so, honey.” she said. She squeezed my arm then walked away.

The rest of the staff asked me things at first, some telling me that I could talk to them if I ever needed someone to talk to, others telling me that I looked like a crack addict. It made me happy that they thought I was as skinny as a crack addict, but I never actually believed that they thought I was skinny. I thought it was all some kind of cruel joke.

Eventually, it wasn’t the staff that was saying things to me about my weight. It almost made me proud when Josh came over to tell me he was concerned about me as I pulled a sweatshirt on as I shivered, freezing in the eighty-degree weather.

“Hailey, you can’t tell me you don’t see how sick you look. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Casey keeps saying that it’s all you say when she tries to talk to you about something.”

“Because it’s true. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You’ve lost a lot of weight.”

“I really haven’t. I mean, I’m short. A couple of pounds shows more on a petite person.”

“Not this much…” He looked at the floor as he said it. I knew that he was worried about me, but I honestly didn’t see why he was so worried about it.

“I haven’t lost much at all, Josh.”

“How much have you lost? I’m sorry if it’s personal, but I mean…come on, you look…” he trailed off.

“I’ve only lost like ten pounds, Josh.” I lied. “Don’t worry about it, I just wanted to feel a little better about myself, and I do.”

He didn’t look like he believed me, but he changed the subject. I walked him back to his house, saying I was going to meet up with Casey. I walked around the neighborhood, and eventually I was running. I was thinking about everything, why everyone was so worried, and how I could hide it. It didn’t make sense to me why so many people were worried. I was convinced that they were all in on it or something.

I came home a few hours later and my mom and my step dad, John, were sitting at the kitchen table talking. I rolled up the top of my sweats as they started to slide down, then I walked into the kitchen. As soon as I walked in, they stopped talking, and they watched me as I sat down at the table with them. I slid my hands in my sweatshirt pockets uncomfortably, I felt like there was something going on.

“Hey, sweetie. Where have you been?”

“Oh, I ate dinner at Josh’s house. Sorry, I thought you guys were going out tonight.”

“We were going to, but we both got home late and decided to just make dinner here. It was nice, actually.”

“Yeah. Are you alright? You look a little pale.” John said, looking at me, his wrinkles deepening as his eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah, I’m alright. Josh and I went on a run and I’m just a little tired. I didn’t sleep much last night either. I’ll feel fine once I get a little sleep.”

“Yeah, why don’t you get to sleep? I know it’s early but maybe you need the extra rest.” My mom said, looking worried. She always seemed to want to find a way to fix everything. I went upstairs, changed into pajamas and got under the covers. I couldn’t seem to fall asleep.

My mom and John were talking for hours after I went upstairs. I wondered who they were talking about as they said that they were worried about her, that they wished there was something they could do to help. I heard my mom sniffling, then a chair sliding across the floor, John’s voice trying to soothe my mom as she cried. It wasn’t until three in the morning that I finally heard them going up the stairs to their room. “I’ll be there in a minute.” I heard my mom say to him.

I heard my door ease open, and I opened my eyes just enough to see my mom leaning against the frame of the door looking in at me as I slept. She tip-toed over to my bed and kissed me on the forehead. She told me that she loved me, then walked back to the door, looked at me one more time and closed it quietly.

I didn’t sleep much that night. My body was sore, covered in bruises, and I was worried about my mom. Usually, she kept her composure, stayed calm and she always seemed to know what to do about any situation. I had never seen or heard her break down the way she did. It scared me.

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