their journey begins!!!

     

Chapter 1

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Masie. She lived with her cousin, Fontanne. Fontanne has a brother named Axis. Axis is a brilliant scientist that study about time. He even built a time machine to help him to go back to the past or to the future. But, he didn’t tell his family, especially Masie and Fontanne that are only ten and five years old.

One day, when Masie and Fontanne went back home from school, they happily found that Axis is not at home. Fontanne said, “Masie, horary! He’s not here; we can go in his room to play!!” “Yeah!” Masie replied. So, they went inside happily.  With a flash, they were inside Axis’s room. There, they gasped to see a time machine that they thought was a video game car. They groaned, “Axis didn’t let us to go in his room to play just because of this stupid video game car?” “If he doesn’t let us to play it, we must play it!!” Masie said with anger. “Then, if you won’t play, I’ll play by myself! Later, I won’t join you!!” Fontanne didn’t want to leave Masie alone. So she went on the time machine with Masie. They curiously press the “start” button and the time machine began to go. They started their time journey!!

Reviews

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

You clearly have a very good imagination and that is perhaps the most important tool for a writer to have! There are a few technical issues with the way you write, such as a few extra words here and there (e.g. "If he doesn't let us to play it" should be "If he doesn't let us play with it") but those will disappear with practice. I'd recommend you keep writing, read the kind of books that stimulate your already vivid imagination and worry about the technical details whenever you have some spare time.

[YYPSNicoletse]

It seems like they're on a mysterier.

[Coyote Poetry]

Time journey is one of man's great dreams. What could be done with time travel. Good part we are unable to do time travel. One act could change the world. You got my attention. I will the next chapter. Thank you.
Coyote