The Shaving Incident

She stood in the bathtub with no previous recollection of having arrived there, tears tripping silently down her face.  She attempted to quell the trembling that made its way through her body: the pink flower bathtub decals were firmly beneath her feet, her fists clenched the bottom of her yellow cotton shorts, and her breath staggered with each sharp intake.

When her mother entered the bathroom with a wet cloth to clean the little girl’s bloodied chin, the child lost all control and bawled.

 

He possessed a quiet regality as he stood at the mirror each morning, scrapping away the whipped cream with the plastic orange instrument she now held in her hand. She had wanted to know what it would be like to be her father, if only for a fleeting, painful moment. 

Reviews

[Hoshi Nami]

Two things:
1. "she lost all control and bawled"- you might want to say the child, becuase for a brief moment it is unclear if the kid is crying or the mother. i mean everntually we get it but still.
2. i think the last sentence should be broken into two, with a period after moment.

of course these are only my opinions and definetly do not have to be followed.

[dgf,mhkfhjgf]

You already know two things:

1) This is my favorite out of all of them
2) I would prefer if the last two sentences of this writing piece were switched around. Like I said, it makes for a more powerful ending.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Please tell me that you didn't do this [struggling to suppress grin] I like it with the last two lines reversed as you propose in the author's notes.