THE EXILE PART 2

THE EXILE PART 2

A Chapter by CAPOLAVORO

Elega and the other two witches suddenly opened their eyes. Elega's heart pounded against her chest with fear and regret. Her breathing steadied. She felt Lira's touched on her back.

 

"What just happened, my queen? You seemed to be horrified by something. Did the princess have a bad dream?" Lira said with tone of concern in her voice.

 

"My queen, the princess dreamed about the moon before also. Why is this happening?" One of the teachers at Elega's side said.

 

Elega's mind is confused and preoccupied. She first looked at Blianita who is still sleeping peacefully even after what happened in her dream.

 

"I don't think it's a bad dream. I released a curse and that curse must happen. This is my entire fault." Elega answered with regret in her words.

 

***

 

"My queen, are you really sure you are going to put her in the real world where powers don't exist?" Lira asked with a worried look on her face.

 

Elega hold the child tight in her arms as she heard Lira's question. "I have no choice. I need to follow the curse that I have released or else the whole Kingdom will suffer." Elega looked at Lira with eyes that are about to cry.

 

"Now quick, make a portal for me and her." Elega added.

 

Lira lowered her head to conceal her sadness for the queen. She moves her body towards a big tree, put her right hand on it and chanted Shakashi Kashi Kashi . After that, there was a sudden breeze and a big dark hole was created on the large tree.

 

Elega is about to enter the portal as she carried her daughter in her hands but Lira stopped her.

 

"Wait my queen; please allow me to offer my curse to the princess. This is the only thing I could do for our Kingdom." Lira said with a meaningful eye contact.

 

"Okay, but please hurry. The portal has a limit.” Elega said.

 

Lira touched Blianita's feet with her hands. "I put curse to your feet, your feet shall have its life in a right time to go back to where you belong and be the ruler you should be."

 

Lira waited for her curse to take its effect or a light that would shine out from it. There was none.

 

“It didn’t work. Why?” Lira frowned and looked for an answer in Elega’s face.

 

“Maybe some things are just not meant to be” Elega answered with a sad look. “Now step aside, we will now enter a different realm for the curse to be made” Elega added as she step into the portal.


***


Elega slowly opened her eyes. Her mouth gaped on as her eyes did not blink for at least five seconds. Her eyes then searched for a meaning in everything she sees.


“What kind of land is this?” Elega said as she watch cars passing by on the streets and people walking to and fro in her sides and back.


“Hey! Crazy Lady with a baby! Get out of the way!” A man is shouting at Elega while his head is out on the car window and he keeps pressing his hand to honk the horn of his car.


Elega stared at the man, trying to understand what he was saying.

The man then jumped out from his car, slammed the door behind and began his approach towards Elega.


“What the f***! Are you staring at?! Are you crazy? Can’t you see the cars on the line waiting for you to step aside?!” The man shouted at Elega as he pointed his finger at the cars waiting.


Elega put her sight on where the man is pointing at. She put her sight back to the angry man. “I am deeply sorry but " “ Elega have not finish her talking as the man pushed her aside.


Elega almost lost her balance, hold Blianita tight and was surprised by what the man did.


“Now that’s better.  Next time, know where you should stand. Crazy woman.” The man said as he walked back towards his car and go inside it.


Elega clenched her jaw as she is about to make form power in her hand but she suddenly remembered something and had a thought.


No Elega, Have patience. This is another land and you do not know what they could do to you.’ Elega thought of herself.


The man stuck his middle finger up, as he drove straight pass Elega.


Elega did not understand what the man did and she just walks swiftly out from the busy road and into a place where houses are separated by small roads. Elega stopped in one of the corners where no one could see. Elega knelt down and touched the ground as a basket fit for a baby came out of it.


Elega kissed Blianita for the last time in the forehead and hugged her tight. As Elega hugged Blianita tight she sang a song in a very low voice close to a whisper.


Sweet flower

I love you

La la la

 

Elega’s tears keeps on falling as she put the child inside the basket.

 

Elega then stood and walked away.

 

Blianita’s feet shine with light for about a second and the light disappeared.


Blianita smiled.







© 2017 CAPOLAVORO



Author's Note

CAPOLAVORO
questions are welcome.

My Review

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Featured Review

First of all I really like this story.
Regarding this sentence...Elega's heart is pounding like every vein in her body being hunted with fear and regret. Elega's breathing begins to steady when she felt Lira's touched on her back.

What you are doing is TELLING rather than SHOWING,So why don't you start it of by saying - Elgas heart pounded against her chest.... then take it from there.
And with the second sentence you could start it with.....Her breathing steadied......and then take it from there
It's only a suggestions, do with it as you will.

With this part... Lira said with a concern tone.
Change it to..... Lira said with a concerned tone OR Lira replied with a tone of concern in her voice - Either way its up to you, play around with them or do nothing with them - they are only their to help.
With this sentence....One of the teachers in Elega's side said.
Change it to............One of the teachers at Elega's side said.
The reason for the change is because the way in which you have worded it,literally sounds like Elega has a teacher sticking in her side.(which would be quite comical if she did) Again my suggestion is there to help NOT hinder or annoy you.
This sentence - Lira asked with eyes that looked so worried.
Change it to - Lira asked with a worried look on her face.

This sentence...Elega stared at the man as she tried to understand everything he is saying.
Change it to.....Elega stared at the man, trying to understand what he was saying.

This sentence...The man jumped out of his car and slammed the door as he go towards Elega.
Change it to.....He then jumped out from his car, slammed the door behind and began his approach towards Elega.

This sentence..The man drives pass through Elega as he sticks out his middle finger out from the window for her to see.
Change it to....The man stuck his finger up, as he drove straight pass Elega.

This sentence....Elega stood up and walk away.
Change it to .....Elega then stood and walked away.

ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE NOT there to mock your writing skills because I can see you have talent and I REALLY DO LIKE your story. I have just put down suggestions to help and guide you with your word craft. You have a GREAT IMAGINATION and the Chapters you put on here are really good and interesting. Keep writing, reading, learning and exploit the the talent you have to the maximum

Did I enjoy the read....You better beleive I did!

Mark.

.






Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

CAPOLAVORO

8 Months Ago

Done. Done. Done.. :) Oh dear oh dear. Thank you so much Mark. I always want your say towards this o.. read more
matrixmark

8 Months Ago

Not a problem. I am happy that I could help - thats always my intention and noting else.
You.. read more



Reviews

My favorite chapter so far. The photo making the story come alive and create visions and hope for the reader. Thank you dear friend for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote

Posted 6 Months Ago


I love the story line! You have fully depicted what could happen to a helpless lady standing in the middle of the street.

Just one suggestion: if you really want to make the man sound mean, don't save the demeaning language!

P.S. This site is kind of annoying as it will change the dashes into double quotation marks. You may want to use hyphens instead in the future.

Posted 8 Months Ago


CAPOLAVORO

8 Months Ago

Oh yeah. I noticed that. Thank you for the advice. I am glad you like the story. hehe I just don't k.. read more
A lot like Moses. Still many failings in English but amazing story telling Capolavoro

Posted 8 Months Ago


CAPOLAVORO

8 Months Ago

Oh yeah. It does have some similarities. I like Moses. Thank you so much John. I will try my best ne.. read more
Lovely to read, wonderful chapters...no questions

Posted 8 Months Ago


CAPOLAVORO

8 Months Ago

Thank you so much Farhan. I am really glad a person like you liked it. :)
First of all I really like this story.
Regarding this sentence...Elega's heart is pounding like every vein in her body being hunted with fear and regret. Elega's breathing begins to steady when she felt Lira's touched on her back.

What you are doing is TELLING rather than SHOWING,So why don't you start it of by saying - Elgas heart pounded against her chest.... then take it from there.
And with the second sentence you could start it with.....Her breathing steadied......and then take it from there
It's only a suggestions, do with it as you will.

With this part... Lira said with a concern tone.
Change it to..... Lira said with a concerned tone OR Lira replied with a tone of concern in her voice - Either way its up to you, play around with them or do nothing with them - they are only their to help.
With this sentence....One of the teachers in Elega's side said.
Change it to............One of the teachers at Elega's side said.
The reason for the change is because the way in which you have worded it,literally sounds like Elega has a teacher sticking in her side.(which would be quite comical if she did) Again my suggestion is there to help NOT hinder or annoy you.
This sentence - Lira asked with eyes that looked so worried.
Change it to - Lira asked with a worried look on her face.

This sentence...Elega stared at the man as she tried to understand everything he is saying.
Change it to.....Elega stared at the man, trying to understand what he was saying.

This sentence...The man jumped out of his car and slammed the door as he go towards Elega.
Change it to.....He then jumped out from his car, slammed the door behind and began his approach towards Elega.

This sentence..The man drives pass through Elega as he sticks out his middle finger out from the window for her to see.
Change it to....The man stuck his finger up, as he drove straight pass Elega.

This sentence....Elega stood up and walk away.
Change it to .....Elega then stood and walked away.

ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE NOT there to mock your writing skills because I can see you have talent and I REALLY DO LIKE your story. I have just put down suggestions to help and guide you with your word craft. You have a GREAT IMAGINATION and the Chapters you put on here are really good and interesting. Keep writing, reading, learning and exploit the the talent you have to the maximum

Did I enjoy the read....You better beleive I did!

Mark.

.






Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

CAPOLAVORO

8 Months Ago

Done. Done. Done.. :) Oh dear oh dear. Thank you so much Mark. I always want your say towards this o.. read more
matrixmark

8 Months Ago

Not a problem. I am happy that I could help - thats always my intention and noting else.
You.. read more
Ohhhh Nice Continuation To Sk World I Am Ready To Welcome Bliantia To Earth And SafeGuard Her As She IS Little Child...........

Posted 8 Months Ago


CAPOLAVORO

8 Months Ago

Thank you so much Sk. Thank you so much for reading this one also. :)
You're getting really good with each chapter you come up with. I enjoyed reading this and the details too. Captivating read. The ending sets in a whole new perspective of what will happen next..
Good work :)

Posted 8 Months Ago


CAPOLAVORO

8 Months Ago

Thank you so much for reading. :)
Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

You're welcome! Always a pleasure reading your works :)
buddy,you are getting good at these witch stories.something your not telling us ,you got a broom id somewhere,lol

Posted 8 Months Ago


CAPOLAVORO

8 Months Ago

haha thank you so much buddy. :) I do. hehe Can't wait to fly now. ;)
Wow... amazing job Capolavoro! :) The dream part kinda shivered me up! Everytime I get weird dreams, I shiver and get scared lol :D The ending was outstanding!

Elega’s tears keeps on falling as she put the child inside the basket.

Elega stood up and walk away.

Blianita’s feet shine with light.

To be honest, it kinda teared me up, you know... leaving a loved one, it's pretty sad. You've got talent! Keep it up! :)

Posted 8 Months Ago


CAPOLAVORO

8 Months Ago

Thank you so much. Please have a time to read the other chapters also. :)
Mr.Writer

8 Months Ago

For sure:)
That's pretty good, coming to our land...ok let's first warmly Welcome Elega and Bliantia to our land...and hope to see more of the story from you...

Posted 8 Months Ago


CAPOLAVORO

8 Months Ago

Thank you so much. Hehe Elega would go back now and Blianita would be the one to enjoy. :)
Surya

8 Months Ago

Ohh, then I wanna see how she enjoy's in your upcoming writes..:)

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Added on March 26, 2017
Last Updated on April 5, 2017
Tags: #adventure, #magic, #witch, #story, #fantasy


Author

CAPOLAVORO
CAPOLAVORO

Cebu, 7, Philippines



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