Ch.11 Kohl

Chapter 11. Kohl

As I walk into the hotel I see Joel, coming around the corner. He sees me, for some reason he runs towards me, I can tell his eyes are watery but he is trying so hard to not cry.

I hold Jo tight, he starts to pull away so I release him, he looks back and I follow.

I see a dark haired fellow walking straight to us.

“We have to go” says Joel to me.

I hand Jo my keys and say, “Here go get in my car”

Joel insists that I come with him, but I refuse and as the other man gets closer Joel gives in and heads towards the car, in an almost sprint style.

The man who I have made up my mind is who Joel is running from walks right past me, heading outside.

“Joel stop this, is this the f****r you’ve been f*****g. This is why you came here to f**k your way around the city” the dark-haired fellow is outside the hotel yelling at Joel who is inside of my car.

I realize we obviously are not going to be able to fix this talking, so I decide to get in the car and leave with Jo.

I get in the car, with an idea of who that was but I still ask

“Who was that guy?

“That was Roan, my ex-husband” says Joel

The words come out of Jo’s mouth but I cannot believe I just heard that.

We drive down Main St. In complete sentence. I don’t know how to pick up a conversation or how to continue the previous one, I don’t really want to move to another conversation because whoever this Roan is its clear to see he still has a great deal of influence on Jo.

I come up with the idea, that a few drinks would help, Jo, talk and myself to listen, to what is probably going to be a huge blow to my plans.

I make a U-turn to park across the street from “Mike’s” a bar owned by Michael who is the bartender my family and friends use for most of our events. Its closing time, but I am sure I can convince Mike to let me stay open just for us.

I get off the car, and open the door for Jo. He is hesitant because he is not dressed to be walking into bar but I convince him the bar is closed.

I talk to Michael he agrees and even throws in a bartender, to serve us until we leave.

I choose a corner booth, for us to have some intimacy even though I am sure the bartender cares very little for Jo’s past.

Jo takes a seat,

“I’ll be right back, is a vodka tonic good? I ask Jo

“Tequila is a better choice” replies Jo.

I walk over to the bar, the young man there whose name is Vincent asks

“What can I get for you sir?

“A vodka tonic and a bottle of tequila, Patron please. You can call me Kohl” I reply

The bartender turns around and gets me my drinks and says

“Here you go Kohl, I will take some lime slices for the tequila shortly I just have to go in the back to get them” says Vincent.

Michael is walking out of the bar at that time

“Take good care of him and don’t forget to lock up, bye” says Michael.

We all wave back at Michael.

I head back to the table with the bottle and my drink.

“Do you think this will be enough? I ask Jo.

He doesn’t reply he just nod’s I see he has been crying the whole time I have been at the bar.

Vincent shows up, He puts down the limes and two shot glasses.

“That will be all for now, Vincent. Thank you” I reply dismissively, trying to avoid Jo to completely shut down because people tend to shut down when they feel week or feel like they are being perceived as weak.

I open the bottle and start to pour two shots.

“On the count of three” I say, signaling to drink then

“One, two, three” I say.

I see Jo down the drink as if it was water, no hesitation, no gag, no disgust response, no nothing.

Me on the other hand I am rushing for the lime’s because something needs to help this taste.

I pour another shot just for Jo and he downs it again.

“So, Roan, what is the story there? I ask

Jo looks up at me and says, “Hold on” he pours two more shots and downs one after the other.

“Roan, what is the story with Roan” Repeats Jo

He looks at his shot glass as if staring into a crystal ball.

“You know those movies, you see with wonderful long-life friendships. The kind where you know they would die for each other. The story with Roan is that. I met him way back when I was eleven maybe twelve, it was at the beginning of my middle school years. I was a sixth grader, Roan was an eighth grader, tall, skinny, light brown eyes, and very good looking. Me on the other hand I was a kid, an impressionable, kid. I had just stopped wetting my bed maybe three years earlier, I had no actual sense of anything except reading I just loved reading. We met in gym class, it was required that was the only reason I had been there, I hated running or sweating or getting tired. I hated the smell of must. I had seen him in class but never talked to him, on the second week of gym, when dressing from our uniforms into gym clothes had become mandatory, people started making fun of me when I had to change because I would run into the bathroom stall to change, I did not like people seeing me, it was embarrassing. Roan saw that and quickly put an end to that, he shoved this fat seventh grader called Dave onto the wall, when he took my clothes from under the stall, in an effort to force me to come outside, in boxers. Roan took the clothes from the fat kid, he walked next to the stall and handed me my clothes. Are you okay Summers? He asked me.”

I can see Jo is struggling to continue his story, he pours another two shots, I take one from him, and we take another shot

“For past life’s” says Jo before we take the shot.

I see how Jo takes these shots so smoothly the more you take the easier it is to swallow them.

“So you and Roan, were friends” I tell Jo.

“That is an understatement, you will see what I mean just let me take another shot” replies Jo.

This time I pour us two shots, and we down them.

“After Roan defended me, people became more engraved with me, specifically the seventh graders older brother, who was in the same class as Roan. Roan and I had become friends we hanged out in lunch and in between classes, as well as before and after school. One-day Dave’s older brother brought a knife to school, I suppose that empowered him to push me into a wall, as I was heading out of the bathroom, Roan saw that and started yelling at him and cursing him, as Roan walked towards me, the other kid pulled out his, knife. Roan was no idiot, so he stayed back. I was feeling something dripping from my head, I turned around and looked in the mirror and saw blood coming from the side of my forehead. Roan saw that too, I don’t know what came over him, but he ran up to the other kid, with no regard for the fact that he had a knife. Roan punched the kid repeatedly, blood was coming from the kids mouth and nose. He fell on the floor and curled up but Roan continued to kick him. Suddenly I start to feel dizzy and I call for Roan. He looks up at me, I feel myself falling but Roan doesn’t let me fall. He holds me up, and says hold on okay. He grabbed some hand towels. He pressed it against my wound. We could not go to the nurse’s office because she would know what happened. His house was across the street, so he asked if I could walk I told him yes. Everybody had already left because the bell had rang so the only people who remained was the three of us. Roan and I left towards his house, left the kid there he was conscious just bleeding. As we head out of the building we see an administrator and he sees us. We sprint and so does he I feel very tired suddenly, I tell Roan I can’t keep up. He picks me up and keeps running. We run and hide behind his neighbor’s house and he sits me down. Il be right back, he starts running the opposite way and I hear the administrator screaming telling him to stop. I suppose he lost him because a few minutes later, Roan shows up and carries me to his house. I wake up and its about two in the afternoon. I have a gauze tapped on the side of my head and no shirt, I think I am laying on his bed. He walks in and says sorry you need a new shirt the other one is covered in blood and your mom might ask questions. He hands me one of his shirts I can stand so I do. I go home that day. After those events, Roan and I started spending lots and lots of time together for that year. He then left to High School, so the next two years, I would leave early somedays as early as five to spend the most time with him, he in return did the same. He would sleepover at my house, and would come with me home after school. We were inseparable after all we were both only child’s. It just turned into the best friendship, we would push each other he would push me to be slightly above basic in sports and in return I would push him to be slightly smarter than his classmates, in every subject. We were the perfect combination balance could not be achieved or described in a better way” Joel stops and takes in a deep breath.

I see he is crying, not full on mental breakdown crying just tears coming down the side of his cheeks. I reach over and wipe them.

“I don’t know what to tell you Jo, you guys sound like a perfect match, I don’t understand what could have ruined that” I tell Jo,

“He ruined it, well him and her” says Joel

He picks up the bottle which is more than halfway gone, and pours another two shots and we drink.

“You see Kohl, Roan and I worked perfect because it was a friendship, I had not entertained thoughts about sexuality I felt I was above that. I did not have to worry about that I needed to graduate college first and be successful and then I would look for love. However, I started high school a freshman and Roan was a Junior. He would pick me up and take me to school we were as strong as ever but one distinction he had a girlfriend named Veronica. She was very pretty, probably one of the prettiest girls in that school, she started to distance us. However, at the end of senior year and my sophomore year Roan won the state championship for football and he wanted to party, so they threw a party. I was not going to show up but Roan came into my room, and dragged me out of bed just to take me to the party. I resisted and told him there would be plenty of people there, his response was one I could not argue with, he said but you are the only person I want there. When we got to the party Veronica was upset because she had been waiting for him, he shut her complaining by saying we are here to party if you dot want to, then leave. That night, I drank and Roan drank. We were the only two left at the ranch which belonged to his uncle. We went into the cabin after we turned everything off. We walked up to the bedroom and Roan started to take off his clothes, he always slept in boxers regardless of weather. For some reason, I was staring at him, I had seen him naked hundreds of times. We had slept together lots of times but this time it was different. He was different he was grown, he was a man. That made me feel somewhat different, I got up and walk towards him, I look straight into his eyes and he did too, I reached in to kiss him, when I met his lips with mine there was an ecstatic sensation in my belly, it wasn’t butterflies it was more like a emptiness being filled by millions of sensations, then there was a fire. A hot sensation that ran through my body, I did not know how to kiss besides what I had seen on TV this was all I knew. That gave way to everything else that happened between us, a few delays in the way, him pretending to be straight as well as me, we dated different girls, went on double dates and always ended up together. He then convinced me to come out to our families and get married, so I did. I was tired of hiding how I felt for him, no not hiding everybody knew I loved him, they just didn’t understand the kind of love we had for each other. It was an entire lifetime of Roan Always Roan, and then he cheated on me. It made it all that much harder, I put myself in a vulnerable position to be with him, openly. I exposed myself with the promise that he would be there to protect me from all of them, but nobody can protect me from him. I can’t protect myself from him, I can just run and hope he doesn’t catch up, because Kohl the day I let him back in, I know it will be the death of me. I barely survived the first time, I smiled, and worked and lived, nobody knew I was dead inside, not sad I was dead and nobody knew because it wasn’t something I would broadcast. The sun would rise, even though I didn’t want it to, I had to sleep alone even though it terrified me not having him there. I would count my heart beats to distract myself of suicide thoughts, I pulled myself through it, and I can’t go back”

I can see Joel crying and sobbing, but I don’t blame him, I could never blame him. Joel believed in love, he still believes in love, it just hurts.

I move seats to be next to Jo, I just hug him and let him cry in my chest, at this point its all I can do, even though I don’t want it to be like this the only thing you can do for a broken-hearted person is be there for them, for as long as they need you to be there.

We finished the bottle, Joel is stumbling as we walk out of the bar.                               

I help him in the car and then drive towards the hotel.

“Jo, where is your room key” I ask but he is passed out.

We get to the hotel, and I ask the young man at the front desk for a key, but he refuses to give me one, since the room is not under my name and Joel cannot consent to me getting a key.

“Fine than give me the room next to him” I snark at the receptionist named Taylor.

I take Joel up to the room, tuck him in and look at him. This beautiful kind person, who did nothing wrong in life but fully devote their life to the person they thought was their soulmate. Yet he is living proof of what happens when you expose yourself like that. I feel a tightness in my chest I feel my heart aching for him, why would anybody do that to him. I hate Roan, I hate Jo’s parents, I hate Veronica, I hate anybody who ever intentionally hurt him.